vancouver blog

Hanging Out with My Boyfriend and My Ex

Never thought I’d type that as an article title. Last night I felt like I was living a scene out of a reality TV show.

I’ll provide some background, 7 years ago to the exact day I started working at a restaurant in Vancouver that’s been open for 50 plus years. My first night at work I met a guy who I’ll call Joe. He started openly hitting on me as he does with basically all women that he meets. I remember specifically saying, “We should never been in a room alone together”. I thought he was attractive but I also felt like he seemed like a huge asshole. The prototypical bad boy. It took a few months for me to cave and start hooking up with him. I was so lonely at the time. It’d been a year and a half since I’d hooked up with anyone.

Joe was a player that was even more fucked-up than I imagined. After we hooked up for the first time he invited me over to his place in the morning. Once I arrived, this girl who I thought was his ex was there on his bed (clothed thankfully) and his male friend. They were all high on coke. Joe started rolling around on the bed with his male friend and trying to touch the girl. He then tried to come sit on the couch (aka which was really a backseat from a van) where I was and touch me. I wasn’t feeling it. Since it was early in the morning and they’d been up on coke all night, they passed out shortly after I got there. I made my quiet exit. Clearly that would have been more than enough to make a confident person walk away, but I wasn’t confident at the time. I was pulled in even more. I would make this guy like me.

The hook-ups with Joe continued. I became increasingly obsessed with him while he flaunted having sex with other girls and critiquing every part of my appearance in a negative manner. At work, he would yell at me and treat me like shit. And yet, I kept coming back for me. I wasn’t an innocent in all this. I was emotionally abusive myself. After he’d ditch me to go hang out with another girl I’d text him endless insults and harass him. We were both behaving in psychotic ways.

After months of conflict and continuing to hook-up, we got in an epic fight. Joe threw me down on his bed and put all his weight on top of me, without realizing my left wrist was being bent back. My wrist was sprained. I had never been in a physically abusive relationship before. Yet, this restaurant I was working at represented the first community I felt like I was a part of in Vancouver. I didn’t want to leave this community behind in order to stop being around Joe. Eventually, after a trip to the hospital for a night after a mental breakdown, I stopped all communication with Joe outside of work. Months after I had stopped seeing or texting him he yelled at me in front of the packed restaurant. That was the last shift I worked there. I quit and Joe stayed on.

My current boyfriend, Ian, also works at the same restaurant. I never hooked up with him until I quit working at the restaurant, but part of what helped me quit is that I felt like something could start with Ian and that made me excited and hopeful. I’ve been with Ian for 6 years now. I definitely don’t regret quitting the restaurant. I have a job I love that challenges me and is not in the restaurant industry.

Well, last night my boyfriend went to work and then he started texting me that the manager (who he was also in a band with and who he’s been friends with for over 20 years) told him that Joe smashed the Buddha statue at work and broke its finger off and lost it and quit the restaurant. Joe’s worked there for 17 years. Most people there have worked there for at least 10 years. People tend to stick around because there is a sense of community there that can be hard to find in Vancouver. But communities often have costs that come with being a part of the group.

By the time I picked my boyfriend up after work last night, he said that Joe had called him and was texting him. They’re not friends, but they have known each other for a long time. Joe was looking for some support.

We almost never hang out with Joe, but we invited him over since he lives a couple blocks away. Joe basically he said he reached his limit with another co-worker who likes to stir-up shit and he had to draw a line in the sand. He said he’s been working graves for this restaurant for 17 years and enough is enough, he can’t take it anymore.

This all led to Joe eventually apologizing for the circumstances surrounding how I quit the restaurant. He said sorry, which I’d never heard him say before. I also got an answer to a question I had always wondered about. The day I quit the restaurant 6 years ago, I went out to a bar that Ian and another co-worker (who Ian was fucking) were hanging out at. I had a crush on Ian but since he was hooking up with our co-worker, I didn’t know if anything would come of my crush and I didn’t think it was reciprocated.

I was sitting in the bar when Ian came down and sat beside me and said that the manager had called Ian to ask about me quitting. This made no sense since Ian wasn’t involved in the conflict between Joe and I. Apparently Joe told the manager to call Ian to find out why I quit. I was angry that Joe did this but also surprised. All of my feelings for Joe hadn’t been shared with anyone else. Joe had hit on me, but he was hitting on lots of people at that time–as he had just been brutally dumped by his girlfriend of 7 years. I was looking for someone that wanted to seriously date me. I didn’t want another Joe-like situation so I didn’t give in at that point to Ian’s advances.

Therefore, I was like, why the hell is Joe telling the manager to call Ian? What does Ian have to do with my quitting? Yes, in my mind part of what helped me quit was the hope something could happen with Ian (and I didn’t want to hook-up with a co-worker again), but how would Joe know that? I held on to that question for 6 years.

Finally, last night I asked Joe if he remembered telling the manager to call Ian after I quit 6 years ago. I explained I’d never hooked up with Ian at that point so what made Joe tell the manager to call Ian. Joe said that his dick is 4 inches but Ian’s is 5. Ian’s is bigger than 5. Ian is well-endowed but I’m not sure how Joe knows that. Anyways, to me this was Joe’s way of saying that he psychically or perceptively knew I was into Ian more than him when I quit. That’s kind of what I thought all along.

Last night was cathartic, because I apologized for being emotionally abusive. Joe apologized for doing things like taking a call from another fuck-buddy while in bed with me. That situation did really hurt me. I had to convince and beg him not to leave me and go pick up this other girl (who was supposedly walking the street in a short skirt drunk at dawn). My self-esteem was so low back then. I’m still not nearly as confident as I want to be, but observing Joe last night with his red-wine stained lips, greasy hair and bad B.O. reminded me of how far I’ve come. I didn’t feel attracted to Joe. I felt bad for him and like he hasn’t changed one bit. His rage issues are still running his life. It sounded more like he’s been fired from the restaurant than his initial claim that he quit. The apology helped though. It really did. Also, it made me love Ian more for helping Joe out in a time of need by letting him have us to talk to and for helping me let go of some past shit.

Too bad it wasn’t filmed, because it would have been quite entertaining I think!

Teddi Reminds Me To Stop Saying I Never Lie

I am someone that really prides myself on being honest. But Teddi having to own up to initially taking part in the Puppygate scandal on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills on season 9 reminds me that I should stop saying I never lie.

Teddi looks almost as bad as Lisa Vanderpump for being unwilling to admit from the start what her role was in trying to make Dorit look bad for giving a puppy from Vanderpump Dogs to a woman who then took it to a shelter as opposed to returning it to LVP.

Lisa won’t take accountability AT ALL so that makes her look like a huge asshole who is also a liar. Teddi went out of her way multiple times to claim she was innocent in the matter before Teddi finally admits she was initially up for trying to make Dorit look bad for giving the dog away.

mar 27 19 rhobh teddi and john mellencamp.jpg

I think it’s good Teddi realized this is some dirty shit she ultimately didn’t want to be a part of, but she shouldn’t have acted so high and mighty by saying she’s never lied in her entire life.

I think it’s safe to say that everybody has lied at some point in their lives. That doesn’t mean people have cheated and hid it or did some other big, huge deceitful thing, but I still think it’s better to say I work really hard to be honest and rarely lie. Teddi seemed so convincing in terms of how much she believed she what was saying about never lying that it makes me feel like Teddi isn’t nearly as accountable as she says she is. It makes me think Teddi thinks she’s better than other people! Nobody’s perfect, Teddi. This could negatively affect her business too since Teddi is all about promoting and profiting off of accountability.

I also can’t stand how Teddi keeps saying she hid how much of a role she started off playing in Puppygate to protect Dorit. Yeah right! I think it was Teddi trying to protect herself. I think Teddi also is now trying to build a real relationship with Dorit, but more than anything Teddi didn’t want to reveal how bitchy and shady she was being early on.

I Still Like Angelina Jolie: Refer Back to GIA If In Doubt

So here’s a link (Angelina Jolie Vanity Fair article) to the first interview Angelina Jolie’s given since her split from Brad Pitt.

Of course she doesn’t give away too much. We knew she wouldn’t. Angelina definitely doesn’t seem like a person who just up and spills the beans.

Anyways, after the final line of the article I was left with the feeling of still liking Angelina, even though we’ve, or really I’ve, had my ups-and-downs in relation to how much I like or love her.

angelina jolie gia ad

(Angelina Jolie in Gia: check this one out, I don’t think you’ll be disappointed)

I fell in love with Angelina Jolie in grade 9 (. I remember renting the HBO movie about the supermodel, Gia Carangi, who was HIV positive. Gia was a wild woman, bi-sexual, an intravenous drug user, and played by the gorgeous Angelina Jolie. Do I think Jolie’s normal? If normal means a version of a person I come across many times over, then no. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anyone quite as beautiful as Jolie in real life. She is a freak of nature and a very good freak at that.

Gia Carangi

(The real life Gia Carangi: captivating)

Plus, I got to see Angelina’s gorgeous body naked, with her boobs smashing up against a fence on a photo shoot set in the film. My Mom, I think because she was a much older married-man’s mistress for all of my post-pubescent years, tried to be overly pious in her views as a way to counterbalance her own less than savoury lifestyle and source of income. Anyways, due to my Mom’s own issues, I wasn’t allowed to really be sexual, look sexy, talk about sex, think of having or enjoying sex, etc., so it was a big guilty pleasure for me to get to see this wild behaviour on screen since my own grade 9 life was boring. Also, I was a bit overweight, not confident in my looks or self, and an outcast in some of my classes who guys definitely avoided and definitely weren’t into, so the life of Gia as played to perfection by Jolie was an ultimate fantasy for me. I wished I could be like Gia/Jolie (minus all of the bad stuff that happened to
Gia/Jolie)!

What affected me the most after seeing my first Angelina Jolie film was that even though I thought at the time she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen, I wanted to hang out with her. I actually felt better about myself while watching her. I felt like if we were hanging she’d be nice to me, get me, and see the beauty in me. Yes, those are big mental leaps to make just from watching her in Gia, but that was what her performance invoked in me. Usually, when I watched people like Gwyneth Paltrow, I didn’t feel good about myself after. I felt like I wasn’t skinny enough, cool enough, and I didn’t think Gwynnie would even notice me if we met.

Angelina just seemed to have a big heart and a love for people. I have no idea why other than maybe I felt that because that is who she is to most people. Unless you cross her. I’m sure she’s done cruel things to Brad Pitt. I’m sure he’s done cruel things to her.

But at the end of the day, as this article reminded me, even though they look so perfect, there is still something about them people love and I think it is a vulnerability.

At the end of the Vanity Fair article, Jolie says, “Let’s embrace not being normal”. This is all I can do, as I’m too damaged and weird to ever be normal again. Anyone who loves to not be normal is someone I want to hang out with.

Angelina maybe you stole someone’s husband, I don’t know and I actually don’t care if you did, I still love you and I’m a fan in 2017 just as I was watching Jolie in Gia in 1999.

OMG JTT is Still Super Hot!

So you 90s kids must have watched Home Improvement starring Tim Allen. I know I did. Ruh-ruh-ruh! The growling-bark that was “Tim the Tool Man Taylor” trademark joke on the show.

Jonathan Taylor Thomas played the character of Randy. And even though I was only around 10 when I started watching the show, I was definitely randy for JTT.

Those beautiful blue eyes, tan skin, and sweet smile! Who could resist? Certainly not I.

Anyways, I haven’t seen anything about JTT for a long time and then BHAM out of nowhere, I’m on popsugar.com and I stumble upon the above glorious pic of Jonathan.

He’s taking a break from the spotlight since he says he was working since 8 years old. Yes, please take a break then, but don’t stop being hot.

Taylor Swift and New Boyfriend Joe Alwyn: PICS TOGETHER!

DAILY MAIL LINK for more pics of T-Swift and her new boyfriend. All are poor quality though, but they’re something for you Tay-starved folks out there (and I know there’s lots of you). I’m a Tay fan too, but some of the stuff she does irritates the crap out of me.

Taylor Swift has finally decided she wants to be seen with her new boyfriend. They’re there, solid and ready to be out in full view.

And now…what?

This relationship already feels flat to me, because Joe Alwyn looks too sweet, too cute, and too innocent for Taylor Swift.

I have a feeling she’s going to need a little more excitement than what she’s getting with him, but there’s something there for the time being.

Taylor may simply be waiting on another.

 

Pam Anderson Finally Looks How I’ve Always Wanted Her To

Once upon a time I used to hate Pamela Anderson as a little girl. I didn’t like when it became public that Tommy Lee assaulted her (as a kid this was reported on whatever tabloid entertainment show I was watching that he caused her to have a miscarriage) I thought she was a fool for staying with such an idiot.

Anyways, then I started to see Pamela Anderson talk shows and I realized how funny and self-deprecating she is. She won a fan with me! I also loved her as C.J on Baywatch even though when I watched that show I disliked who I thought the real-life Pamela Anderson was.

Once I learned more about her personality she sucked me in and charmed me into being a fan. My sister and I used to always watch her campy show V.I.P. back in the day too.

Now Pam has gone the “classy lady” route, at least temporarily, as it seems she always like to get back to her roots eventually, in Cannes this year (if you want more pics of Pam at People.com click here).

She looks gorgeous! Any old pre-surgery photos of Pamela Anderson always indicated to me that she is just as beautiful as any other Hollywood or more respected actress.

Glad to see Canadian Pammy still kicking around and looking good!

Ashley Borders Is A Standout: Southern Charm Savannah

So I watched Southern Charm Savannah episode 2 last night, and, to me at least, it is apparent that the series standout (maybe this will change) is Ashley Borders (Ashley’s Instagram).

It is easy to see why some women (aka the other boring bitches on the show) might not warm up to Ashley, because not only does Ashley have a super hot body, but she is willing to strip down to super revealing lingerie or bathing suits on a whim, whether this whim occurs on a golf course around 2 of her male friends or on a dock on a bayou (don’t even know if I’m using this word correctly, it might be a river Ashley jumped into, but I wanted to use bayou and hear the YOU part of the word echo in my head fifteen times over).

It does seem to me, but this is coming from a really uptight prudish person, that Ashley might use her sexiness to attract the attention of men in ways that seem somewhat desperate, especially when Ashley’s (estranged?) husband, Dennis, is standing a few feet away from her (as this is what happened in the first episode…Dennis, seems like a rather submissive man who wants his wife all to himself, but doesn’t have the nerve to challenge his partner because he wants her so bad). This is the downside to Ashley or what boring people might use to hate her. Ashley admits that they married because she was pregnant with her son Isaac, and that even though it is typical in Southern culture that everything is ok, Ashley is not happy.

ashley and husband southern charm savannah

(Ashley’s husband, Dennis, and Ashley as a brunette)

So while I cringed when Ashley strips down, because the others around her seem uncomfortable with it also, I love how OPEN she is.

To me, as an avid reality TV show consumer, it is incredibly important that one is OPEN and shares embarrassing, shocking, and/or painful information with the audience, because that is what makes an audience get attached to reality TV people/characters. I think the audience can smell bullshit, and people like Ramona on Real Housewives of New York City last the test of time because EVERYONE is a bit crazy, but many people try to conceal that rather than being upfront about it.

Ashley admits on episode 2 that she hasn’t had a sexual relationship with her husband since her son, Izzy (who I think is adorable), was born. According to Ashley’s Instagram account, Izzy just turned 13 3 days ago. On SC Savannah, Ashley says that Dennis and she divorced when he was a toddler and then got married again 8 years later. That’s a long time to go without boning your spouse!

 

Ashley’s relationship is something that I’d like to learn more about. Why is her husband hanging around and being identified as Ashley’s husband in the first episode if they’re not in a typical sexual husband-wife relationship? What I respect about Ashley is that she is honest and shares that her relationship is not conventional.

Does Ashley or her husband have sex outside of the relationship? This is something I’ll keep tuning in to find out. It seems like Ashley’s desire to strip down might reflect that she is very comfortable with her body and this might extend to being very sexual, but maybe she also strips down because she is sex deprived and needs to feel hot in some way if her husband isn’t doing it for her or making Ashley feel desirable.

Anyways, the other people on this show seem pretty boring and generic so far, so if it weren’t for Ashley I don’t know if I’d keep watching. Southern Charm OG is a tough act to follow, so we’ll see how well Savannah does.

It’s That Bad In U.S., Eh?: “Guatemalan Man Calls 911 and Asks to be Deported”-People.com

Cesar Sanchez is making the best of an apparently really shitty situation. As they say, when life hands you lemons, make lemonade! I hope if Cesar needs some lemonade (aka healthcare assistance) that he gets it in his home country of Guatemala rather than being held with no medical care in an American prison as that is what is supposedly currently happening).

Check out this link (People.com story) about a Guatamelan man who called 911 to turn himself in as an undocumented immigrant, because he is apparently sick. Makes sense then that he’d want to go home to get some medical care, rather than NO medical care.

This story is funny in a disturbing way. Like, the U.S. sucks so bad that people who once thought it was the lands of dreams are calling the enemy–the cops–to help transport them back to their different vs less developed debate country of Guatemala.

Update: I typed in Cesar Sanchez on google and found this Breitbart news article. I didn’t see things in the same way, but this article contains some more hopefully accurate information.

Planned Parenthood: Kardashians Redeem Themselves

I’m happy the Kardashians have gone and filmed a segment at Planned Parenthood because it puts a very well-known face on women’s reproductive health rights, which are important to focus on at this point in time in the United States and Canada also.

Planned Parenthood is the first place I went to for contraception. I got birth control pills at my Mom’s encouragement during high school. I didn’t even end up having sex with the person I was dating while I was taking the pills, but I appreciated the judgment-free help I received at Planned Parenthood in Hamilton, Ontario.

Anyways, I’ve also had an abortion. I got pregnant because I was delusional about how dangerous my blackout-drinking habits were, and a guy I didn’t even remember meeting had sex with me and I ended up pregnant. I didn’t even consider for a second having the child. The guy who had impregnated me scared me, and I knew I wanted an abortion. I received exceptional medical care and was able to pay at a private clinic in my city of Vancouver for an abortion that cost around $600.

Clearly, access to money was helpful here, so my class had a definite impact on how quickly I could schedule an abortion. I have never, ever regretted having an abortion at 23 (I’m 33 now). I wish I didn’t drink out of control like a maniac, so I didn’t end up with an unwanted pregnancy.

I found the actual procedure much less traumatic than those anti-abortion picketers who hold signs up about how babies are being aborted with full arms and legs. I had an abortion at 5 weeks and the doctor doing the procedure showed me the peatree dish with what looked like a strong period, nothing more, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I don’t want to get pregnant again and have an abortion, but if you do end up with a pregnancy and don’t want to give birth being proactive can make the recuperation period easier, based on how I experienced things. Anyways, I’m so thankful I had this option, and other women deserve this option also. That is why the conservative side is scary and eerily similar to The Handmaid’s Tale reproductive metaphor.

Planned Parenthood exists throughout the United States, and at sites they offer different things such as abortions, abortion referrals, contraception, and of course, education about sexual health. It is an essential service in my opinion. It is dangerous to children’s well-being to be born to mother’s who do not want to carry the pregnancy to term. Unwanted children cannot be cared for in the same way that wanted children can. For this reason, and many others, abortion is essential in our society.

I respect the Kardashians for going to a Planned Parenthood (check out their site here: Planned Parenthood site) in California to film a segment and to stand in line with Planned Parenthood to continue to raise awareness of how much funding Planned Parenthood requires to help as many people as possible, but also laws that make abortion services available to people and affordable. Safety matters to.

Thank-you unbelievably visible Kardashians for doing your part to draw more people’s attention to Planned Parenthood. Anyone who thinks the Kardashians are all bad is pessimistic and ignoring FACTS. Especially since the Kardashians are so famous, because if I were them I’d be extra scared a vengeful anti-abortion person might shoot me to make a point.

Love you Kardashians forever!

Kimmy K’s Being A Kunt

Wow. I am one to defend Kim Kardahian in arguments with people because I always feel like people’s hatred of her is somehow connected to her sexuality (the “she got famous off of a sextape” argument was put forth a few weeks ago when I was around another Kardashian-hater) and the belief that she is too materialistic and show-offy to be worthy of respect.

Anyways, even I have now seen Kim Kardashian on her show “Keeping Up With The Kardashian” behave in a way that makes me almost hate her.

Scott, Kim’s older sister Kourtney’s baby daddy, goes with Kim to her first public appearance trip after she was robbed at gunpoint to Dubai and ends up having a girl in his suite when Kim and her crew come to pick him up to go eat.

For some insane reason, after seeing the unidentified female’s purse sitting on a table Kim and her super bitchy cruel friends start hunting around the apartment to try to find the female Scott had over.

Um…ok, so this girl deserves to be called a whore why? There is no excuse for trying to slut-shame a person, and especially since Scott isn’t even in a relationship with Kim’s sister Kourtney, and even if he was Kim should be pissed at Scott and not this woman.

Kim calls the women “whore”, “disgusting”, and keeps trying to find her. Thankfully, the woman’s face was blurred out.

Kim Kardashian is capable of being really mean and it was so repulsive how judgmental of another female she was. Yes, I’m calling Kim a kunt, so I’m doing the same thing, but I needed to stand up for the person degraded by Kim Kardashian and her friends during the second to last episode that aired.

It made me wonder if Kanye is cheating or has cheated on Kim, or if she is so very scared he will, and she was taking out all of her issues on this women, instead of realizing that it’s her own insecurities and she needs to take that up with her man.

Anyways, if you already hated Kim Kardashian then you’ve got this Kardashian fan willing to support some Kim hate today because she really needs to take some accountability for the out-of-control slut-shaming she took part in on the show a few weeks ago.

Are you truly sorry Kim? What are you sorry for? It’s a reminder to me, because I know I still revert to using what I perceive as a woman’s sexual practices as a thing to criticize in a person when it is not. Slut-shaming is unacceptable and seeing it on KUWTK reminded me to stop when I catch myself doing it. Seeing Kim act like that reminded me that if I try to shame another I only shame myself.