tmz

Hanging Out with My Boyfriend and My Ex

Never thought I’d type that as an article title. Last night I felt like I was living a scene out of a reality TV show.

I’ll provide some background, 7 years ago to the exact day I started working at a restaurant in Vancouver that’s been open for 50 plus years. My first night at work I met a guy who I’ll call Joe. He started openly hitting on me as he does with basically all women that he meets. I remember specifically saying, “We should never been in a room alone together”. I thought he was attractive but I also felt like he seemed like a huge asshole. The prototypical bad boy. It took a few months for me to cave and start hooking up with him. I was so lonely at the time. It’d been a year and a half since I’d hooked up with anyone.

Joe was a player that was even more fucked-up than I imagined. After we hooked up for the first time he invited me over to his place in the morning. Once I arrived, this girl who I thought was his ex was there on his bed (clothed thankfully) and his male friend. They were all high on coke. Joe started rolling around on the bed with his male friend and trying to touch the girl. He then tried to come sit on the couch (aka which was really a backseat from a van) where I was and touch me. I wasn’t feeling it. Since it was early in the morning and they’d been up on coke all night, they passed out shortly after I got there. I made my quiet exit. Clearly that would have been more than enough to make a confident person walk away, but I wasn’t confident at the time. I was pulled in even more. I would make this guy like me.

The hook-ups with Joe continued. I became increasingly obsessed with him while he flaunted having sex with other girls and critiquing every part of my appearance in a negative manner. At work, he would yell at me and treat me like shit. And yet, I kept coming back for me. I wasn’t an innocent in all this. I was emotionally abusive myself. After he’d ditch me to go hang out with another girl I’d text him endless insults and harass him. We were both behaving in psychotic ways.

After months of conflict and continuing to hook-up, we got in an epic fight. Joe threw me down on his bed and put all his weight on top of me, without realizing my left wrist was being bent back. My wrist was sprained. I had never been in a physically abusive relationship before. Yet, this restaurant I was working at represented the first community I felt like I was a part of in Vancouver. I didn’t want to leave this community behind in order to stop being around Joe. Eventually, after a trip to the hospital for a night after a mental breakdown, I stopped all communication with Joe outside of work. Months after I had stopped seeing or texting him he yelled at me in front of the packed restaurant. That was the last shift I worked there. I quit and Joe stayed on.

My current boyfriend, Ian, also works at the same restaurant. I never hooked up with him until I quit working at the restaurant, but part of what helped me quit is that I felt like something could start with Ian and that made me excited and hopeful. I’ve been with Ian for 6 years now. I definitely don’t regret quitting the restaurant. I have a job I love that challenges me and is not in the restaurant industry.

Well, last night my boyfriend went to work and then he started texting me that the manager (who he was also in a band with and who he’s been friends with for over 20 years) told him that Joe smashed the Buddha statue at work and broke its finger off and lost it and quit the restaurant. Joe’s worked there for 17 years. Most people there have worked there for at least 10 years. People tend to stick around because there is a sense of community there that can be hard to find in Vancouver. But communities often have costs that come with being a part of the group.

By the time I picked my boyfriend up after work last night, he said that Joe had called him and was texting him. They’re not friends, but they have known each other for a long time. Joe was looking for some support.

We almost never hang out with Joe, but we invited him over since he lives a couple blocks away. Joe basically he said he reached his limit with another co-worker who likes to stir-up shit and he had to draw a line in the sand. He said he’s been working graves for this restaurant for 17 years and enough is enough, he can’t take it anymore.

This all led to Joe eventually apologizing for the circumstances surrounding how I quit the restaurant. He said sorry, which I’d never heard him say before. I also got an answer to a question I had always wondered about. The day I quit the restaurant 6 years ago, I went out to a bar that Ian and another co-worker (who Ian was fucking) were hanging out at. I had a crush on Ian but since he was hooking up with our co-worker, I didn’t know if anything would come of my crush and I didn’t think it was reciprocated.

I was sitting in the bar when Ian came down and sat beside me and said that the manager had called Ian to ask about me quitting. This made no sense since Ian wasn’t involved in the conflict between Joe and I. Apparently Joe told the manager to call Ian to find out why I quit. I was angry that Joe did this but also surprised. All of my feelings for Joe hadn’t been shared with anyone else. Joe had hit on me, but he was hitting on lots of people at that time–as he had just been brutally dumped by his girlfriend of 7 years. I was looking for someone that wanted to seriously date me. I didn’t want another Joe-like situation so I didn’t give in at that point to Ian’s advances.

Therefore, I was like, why the hell is Joe telling the manager to call Ian? What does Ian have to do with my quitting? Yes, in my mind part of what helped me quit was the hope something could happen with Ian (and I didn’t want to hook-up with a co-worker again), but how would Joe know that? I held on to that question for 6 years.

Finally, last night I asked Joe if he remembered telling the manager to call Ian after I quit 6 years ago. I explained I’d never hooked up with Ian at that point so what made Joe tell the manager to call Ian. Joe said that his dick is 4 inches but Ian’s is 5. Ian’s is bigger than 5. Ian is well-endowed but I’m not sure how Joe knows that. Anyways, to me this was Joe’s way of saying that he psychically or perceptively knew I was into Ian more than him when I quit. That’s kind of what I thought all along.

Last night was cathartic, because I apologized for being emotionally abusive. Joe apologized for doing things like taking a call from another fuck-buddy while in bed with me. That situation did really hurt me. I had to convince and beg him not to leave me and go pick up this other girl (who was supposedly walking the street in a short skirt drunk at dawn). My self-esteem was so low back then. I’m still not nearly as confident as I want to be, but observing Joe last night with his red-wine stained lips, greasy hair and bad B.O. reminded me of how far I’ve come. I didn’t feel attracted to Joe. I felt bad for him and like he hasn’t changed one bit. His rage issues are still running his life. It sounded more like he’s been fired from the restaurant than his initial claim that he quit. The apology helped though. It really did. Also, it made me love Ian more for helping Joe out in a time of need by letting him have us to talk to and for helping me let go of some past shit.

Too bad it wasn’t filmed, because it would have been quite entertaining I think!

Teddi Reminds Me To Stop Saying I Never Lie

I am someone that really prides myself on being honest. But Teddi having to own up to initially taking part in the Puppygate scandal on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills on season 9 reminds me that I should stop saying I never lie.

Teddi looks almost as bad as Lisa Vanderpump for being unwilling to admit from the start what her role was in trying to make Dorit look bad for giving a puppy from Vanderpump Dogs to a woman who then took it to a shelter as opposed to returning it to LVP.

Lisa won’t take accountability AT ALL so that makes her look like a huge asshole who is also a liar. Teddi went out of her way multiple times to claim she was innocent in the matter before Teddi finally admits she was initially up for trying to make Dorit look bad for giving the dog away.

mar 27 19 rhobh teddi and john mellencamp.jpg

I think it’s good Teddi realized this is some dirty shit she ultimately didn’t want to be a part of, but she shouldn’t have acted so high and mighty by saying she’s never lied in her entire life.

I think it’s safe to say that everybody has lied at some point in their lives. That doesn’t mean people have cheated and hid it or did some other big, huge deceitful thing, but I still think it’s better to say I work really hard to be honest and rarely lie. Teddi seemed so convincing in terms of how much she believed she what was saying about never lying that it makes me feel like Teddi isn’t nearly as accountable as she says she is. It makes me think Teddi thinks she’s better than other people! Nobody’s perfect, Teddi. This could negatively affect her business too since Teddi is all about promoting and profiting off of accountability.

I also can’t stand how Teddi keeps saying she hid how much of a role she started off playing in Puppygate to protect Dorit. Yeah right! I think it was Teddi trying to protect herself. I think Teddi also is now trying to build a real relationship with Dorit, but more than anything Teddi didn’t want to reveal how bitchy and shady she was being early on.

RHONY-Should Renew Sonja’s Contract After Lines Like This: “Cause When That Woman(Ramona)’s Gettin’ Banged, She’s Happy!”

Ha! Sonja said this about Ramona this week that when Ramona and Mario (her ex-husband) used to be married, he was banging her every night (or I guess every night when he wasn’t banging someone else, since she acknowledged he was a cheater—totally had that vibe, too). Sonja is in a hot tub in Mexico on this weeks episode of Real Housewives of New York City as she says about Ramona that she’s sad because she’s not getting enough sex.

Sonja displays her clever wit and no shame in the jokes game when she says about Ramona, “’cause when that woman’s getting banged, she’s happy!” Man, Sonja is funny!

Andy Cohen knows that with lines like that Sonja is going to be some dollars sent her way next season too.

Safety for Transgender People Further Threatened Due To Trump

Trump has decided that transgender people will no longer be accepted into the US military (CNN discusses this) and those transgender people who are already serving (thanks to the progress the Obama administration made) will somehow be phased out, as if they’re a trend not humans.

The public reasoning behind Trump’s decision is supposedly to lower health care expenditures and prevent disruption, yet an analysis I read suggests that any money spend on transgender people’s specific health care costs pale in comparison to the overall money spent by the defense fund each year on soldiers’ health care (something like $49 billion compared to 8 million, but I’m not double checking sources here so please do that before believing my memory of a statistic). Shockingly, or not, it seems as if Trump is misrepresenting the reasoning behind his decision. Not like this is out of the ordinary though, as I have a feeling this is going to be his M.O. till the day he dies.

I guess Trump doesn’t give a fuck about whether or not his decision increases the divisiveness between soldiers and civilians. I think it will. And I think it is a false assumption that having trans and cis people working together in the army is disruptive, when in reality the leader of the country saying trans people aren’t accepted in the army is what is likely going to create more disruption than continuing to progress and allow people to identify as they choose to.

Now I think soldiers who are cis who’d be open to socializing and supporting trans military personnel may no longer feel safe doing so in case the cis people also have their jobs get threatened because of some stupid idea that “birds of a feather flock together” and the military brass might start to become paranoid and think a cis person can’t be friends with a trans person. Maybe all of my fears about what Trump’s decision is going to cause within the US military and the US as a whole are exaggerated and totally off base. Maybe they’re not.

Hopefully, there will be enough push back to have this decision reversed. Maybe Trump will be exposed to more ideas that might trigger his brain to stop for a second and consider the possibility that trans people don’t pose any threat to other people. How one wants their body to look, their name to be, their voice to sound, and the decision to claim the identity that one feels is right does not mean there is something devious, sinister, or bad about a person. Lying, stealing, cheating, abusing, murdering, and doing other forms of harm to others and oneself are the types of things (dramatic cough ahem ahem) that should be banned from the army and that should be feared, not being trans. Yes, I am passive-aggressively taking jabs at Trump, because at a bare minimum based on his own words I know that he is okay with using his power to sexually assault women. So yes, I hate Trump plain and simple for this reason alone, because I think he does the things he should fear, not trans people (which is not to say all trans people are perfect, every human is a combination of both good and bad and it’s an ongoing struggle for everybody to be a better person..I am just focusing on Trump’s bad parts because they affect too many people to go uncriticized).

It is so sad and VERY SCARY (I feel scared and I’m not even the one being targeted specifically, but aren’t we all being targeted when society tries to restrict things about your identity that shouldn’t be other people’s business or choice?) that Trump has decided to target trans people not just in the army but everywhere. I am thinking of people who are trans or identify under the LGBTQ umbrella and who live in a small town, who don’t have the money to move to a big, more evolved city space (not that all city spaces are evolved, but some pockets tend to be–again most often for those with $$$), who don’t have the confidence or positive reinforcement yet (for some people sadly this day never comes) to see that being treated poorly for one’s gender identity or sexuality is unacceptable, and who get targeted with threats of violence, experience violence. There are trans people being murdered in the US each year (for example this former soldier was just sentence in the US last week for murdering a transgender woman after the soldier had a sexual encounter with her) for stepping outside of the lines of these rigid, life-threatening gender binaries that people like Trump appear to cling to at any and all costs.

I don’t know how this is going to end. I am so lucky in that my gender identity conforms to gender ideals and I’ve never been targeted in the way trans people continue to be. Just because I’m not targeted doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter to me though. It is not okay for people to be scared to be themselves (unless your true self is, say, a child molester or murderer). Being trans doesn’t hurt other people. Hating trans people does hurt and kill people. Can Trump learn to love and use his power to unite? I don’t know, but let’s not stop trying to get this man and others like him to see the light and realize trans people being who they want to be does not take away from their lives at all. I identify as a cis-gender person and therefore maybe I shouldn’t speak about trans people at all. I hope I didn’t speak for trans people, but in support of those who identify as trans.

#TRANSRIGHTSAREHUMANRIGHTS

Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts Get It

I love that Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts supported their youngest son, Kai, 8 (left in pic, Sasha, 9, is on the right), dressing up as a female character of Harley Quinn from the Suicide Squad, because it shouldn’t matter if a boy dresses up as a girl or vice versa. I’d prefer to look at it as a human or a person dressing up as another person. I’m in support of they pronouns taking over and the undoing of gendered ideologies, and yet I’m not sure how to incorporate this into my daily life and actually be a part of the solution to sexism, homophobia, transphobia, etc.

Ideally, we’d be able to remove these overarching gender binaries that dictate so much of people’s identities and social interactions in our culture. The fact that Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber are using their fame to hopefully help teach people that how a child or adult wants to dress, talk, alter their body, change names, identities, etc. does not reflect on who someone is as a person.

Wouldn’t it be great if how people treat each other and behave was more important than whether or not one conforms to a specific gender role? There is still a lot of work to be done before people, myself included-since I regularly catch myself thinking in gendered terms and re-confirming problematic ideas around gender, so I’m constantly trying to challenge myself to let go of these ideas-are able to look at someone as a person rather than as a man or a woman. I’m straight but I still have a lot of trust issues with men, and I love that I work at a place that is only staffed by women. Nevertheless, I would like to reach a point where I can take each person as an individual, rather than immediately feeling different towards someone because I perceive them to be male and therefore intimidating, not able to understand my perspective, and a potential predator.

I appreciate that Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber are showing that there ain’t nothin’ wrong with letting kids choose how they want to dress up and have fun in the process.

Kai absolutely owned the Harley Quinn look! Go Kai!!

OMG JTT is Still Super Hot!

So you 90s kids must have watched Home Improvement starring Tim Allen. I know I did. Ruh-ruh-ruh! The growling-bark that was “Tim the Tool Man Taylor” trademark joke on the show.

Jonathan Taylor Thomas played the character of Randy. And even though I was only around 10 when I started watching the show, I was definitely randy for JTT.

Those beautiful blue eyes, tan skin, and sweet smile! Who could resist? Certainly not I.

Anyways, I haven’t seen anything about JTT for a long time and then BHAM out of nowhere, I’m on popsugar.com and I stumble upon the above glorious pic of Jonathan.

He’s taking a break from the spotlight since he says he was working since 8 years old. Yes, please take a break then, but don’t stop being hot.

Taylor Swift and New Boyfriend Joe Alwyn: PICS TOGETHER!

DAILY MAIL LINK for more pics of T-Swift and her new boyfriend. All are poor quality though, but they’re something for you Tay-starved folks out there (and I know there’s lots of you). I’m a Tay fan too, but some of the stuff she does irritates the crap out of me.

Taylor Swift has finally decided she wants to be seen with her new boyfriend. They’re there, solid and ready to be out in full view.

And now…what?

This relationship already feels flat to me, because Joe Alwyn looks too sweet, too cute, and too innocent for Taylor Swift.

I have a feeling she’s going to need a little more excitement than what she’s getting with him, but there’s something there for the time being.

Taylor may simply be waiting on another.

 

SOUTHERN CHARM SAVANNAH: Issac Steals the Spotlight and ASHLEY’S MARRIAGE WHOA

On this episode of Southern Charm Savannah, Ashley tells her shockingly quiet husband Dennis, “I mentioned to her (the psychic) about us. She felt perhaps you and I weren’t soulmates. I don’t know if that’s real not real. Maybe I’m standing in your way of finding someone.”

It’s obvious Ashley is the one bored in this relationship who wants someone new. I’m not sure why she is deflecting and putting it on her husband Dennis, who seems into being the bitch in this weird relationship. It’s painful to watch Dennis. I hope Dennis gets his groove back eventually.

“I’m glad she made you feel better” is what Ashley’s husband Dennis says to her when she tells him what the psychic, was in their house to cleanse bad energy from the room that Ashley and Dennis’ hilarious son Isaac was in when his bed caught on fire.

Ashley admits to the camera that, “The lack of romance is really hard for me and it’s lonely”. I bet it would be if she’s celibate and not experiencing enough intimacy.

Dennis also says, “I’m also not going to take relationship advice from the psychic.”

Ashley later says to the camera, “I don’t think Dennis hears me and that breaks my heart.” Yeah, like it sucks for Dennis, but why stay married to someone who doesn’t want you, Dennis? Grow some balls. I know it’s not that easy though.

DUBAI! Ashley then says to the camera, “I want to talk and Dennis doesn’t talk. Dennis got remarried so we could all go to Dubai together. You can’t live in a household together without being married. We didn’t want to split up our family again.” That explains a lot more. I really, really appreciate Ashley’s honesty.

Finally, Ashley says, “It’s hard because I wish it were okay.” At least Ashley doesn’t pretend it is ok. But for the sake of Isaac, their adorable son, who I think is very aware of the unhappy situation his parents are in, and that is why he says the food is poison and was being silly but also bratty when in front of the cameras.

Issac made me laugh out loud! He’s cute, and I like how he challenges his parents by showing them he’s not going to take part in any sort of silly charade. A child shouldn’t see his father feel so low in a relationship. Dennis’ confidence seems non-existent, which is sad. Dennis, you’re an attractive guy.

SOUTHERN CHARM: Brought Tears To My Eyes For The Firt Time EVA!

I thought it was hilarious when Craig said to his cat, Gizmo, “That’s your version of popping bottles, right?”, as he feeds him some treats.

Craig is so good looking but also weirdly geeky. I’m a huge geek, so I like him so much because he seems quite the opposite of cool and smooth. Sweet guy!

Craig is really happy this episode because he finally graduates law school due to finishing his last writing requirement. When he is at dinner with Naomie and he tells her of this positive outcome, she says, “I feel like it’s a bigger weight off of my chest, than it is yours.” You could tell that this hurt Craig and it seemed like he was feeling like he can do nothing right in Naomie’s eyes.

Naomie then went on to say to Craig, “If I hadn’t seen a huge improvement, we probably wouldn’t still be dating”. Ouch! Craig looks disappointed during the dinner and the tension is so extreme. She totally shits on him, but I can see where she is coming from in doing that. Craig did seem like he was being lazy.

Then there’s Thomas and Landon’s date. Prior to the date when describing the possibility of a serious relationship with Thomas if she pursues it that, “I would probably have a ring pretty quickly and all the horses I ever wanted.” A girl can never have too many horses, can they? Landon has likeable things about her, but I do feel like she prioritizes money over someone who challenges her in pursuing this relationship with Thomas. I actually think Landon may be more intelligent than Thomas. I know that’s mean, but it’s kind of what I believe.

Child custody you have to prove that you can do it. As in you mean have a nanny there 24/7 even while filming scenes for the show. Oh yeah, it’s so hard on Thomas.

Landon tells Thomas on their date about how Whitney’s mom Patricia invited Landon over to suggest that “I should consider you as a suitor”.

Thomas Landon Southern Charm

(Landon and Thomas)

We would be perfect together if he was 20 years younger and didn’t have a baby mama

“Go fuck thyself!” is Thomas’ perspective on people who want to judge him.

“You two get it done…This little girl is your soulmate.” This is what is said when their dinner is interrupted by some random crazy drunk lady at the restaurant their date is at. Ok, well if some out-of-it woman tells you you’re soulmates, why question it?

“It’s Southern is what it is…” Shep about Cameran being polite to Kathryn.

You could tell Cameran kind of realized she totally did isolate Kathryn and treated her poorly, much worse than Thomas even though he’s 30 years older and should know SOOOO much better than Kathryn…double standards against women, because she teared up while telling Kathryn that her and Whitney are there to support her.

I hope they can have some fun scenes as the season goes on, rather than just making Kathryn that sober downer loser all the time. That kind of depiction is part of what makes it so hard to be sober, I think, but yet maybe it’s just a realistic depiction of how sober people are not able to easily be the life of parties. I haven’t drank alcohol for over 8 years, so I’m sensitive to this topic and interested in it.

Austen describes “Chelsea as very guarded”. “The girl’s been engaged twice. Every relationship she’s ever been in she’s getting screwed over by guys.” Austen about his sometime paramour, Chelsea. Is it over?

Shep Cameran Austen southern charm

(Shep, Cameran, who is currently pregnant IRL, and Austen)

Shep (Chelsea’s past hook-up. Seems like he still has a crush) shows up where Chelsea works to get her to cut his hair.

“Chelsea’s a grown girl.” Austen about Chelsea

“The kid playing in the sandbox that doesn’t want to play with a toy.”

Craig’s theory while on the green with Austen about Shep, “He’s actually deeply insecure. He’s jealous we’re able to have confidence to go out and take a chance on someone.”

Yeah, I like Shep, but I do think he is deeply insecure. He hasn’t proven himself to himself or anyone else, and there is no way around inaction. But you can use each day to do actions you haven’t done before, which leads to change. So Shep is very far from a lost cause if there even is such a thing.

Deidre Thomas’s nanny for his kids Saint and Kenzie is who I want to see interviewed! What is her life really like. If Thomas can’t even fake taking care of his own two kids for the cameras, then he probably needs her and another nanny to make sure his kids are covered with extra support 24/7.

I bet she gets paid alot (she better) and she deserves every penny since she’s the one raising his kids right now.

“If they pull it out. I ain’t coming.

Whitney

“My eggs are drying up..” is the wonderful line Landon uses as a starting off point for breaking up with her much younger, not serious boyfriend.

I just want someone who will walk the dog with me.” “and buy me as many horses as I want” (that’s the part Landon said in her head).

Kathryn “From that to where I am now is just the polar opposite.

Thomas’s best friend JD’s wife Elizabeth. Elizabeth brings Thomas’ letter to Kathryn.

HOT COUPLE ALERT: Joaquin Phoenix and Rooney Mara More Than a Rumour

I’ve been reading things here and there online, as you may also have been doing, for the last couple of months which suggest that Rooney Mara and Joaquin Phoenix were fucking and potentially super coupled-up on the down-low.

I guess they were because they finally stepped out as a couple at Cannes.

I think they’re both pretty hot! Crazy seeming too which always adds a flavour of excitement to the mix as in, “What’s going to happen with these two?”.

Rooney Mara Joaquin Phoenix same car Cannes

Rooney does appear pretty cold, but she won me over in her roles in Her, Carol, and especially Side Effects. Why didn’t people talk about Side Effects more when it came out? I like how Rooney perfectly embodied a female who is willing to manipulate the qualities about females that have typically been used to oppress women, such as the idea that we’re especially weak and vulnerable, and use it to her own advantage for evil means. I don’t want to give more away, because it will ruin the plot but check out Side Effects if you haven’t seen it. Channing Tatum, Catherine Zeta Jones, and Jude Law round out the cast. Side Effects is also film that takes a glaring look at the pharmaceutical industry. It examines how some mental health professionals take advantage of their power and operate as business people looking to profit from pharmaceutical companies rather than there to help their clients first and think about financial gain second.

Joaquin does do a good job of staying famous and still getting decent enough movies without ever letting the audience know too much about him. I’ve still never seen that documentary called I’m Still Here. I just tried again to find it on Pirate Bay today and there’s no downloads for it…too bad…I do really want to see it, even if it sucks just because of all the hype.

Phoenix made the doc with Casey Affleck (he has 2 kids, Indiana 12 and Atticus (oh wow, what a name) 8, with Phoenix’s sister Summer and they are now divorced), which I feel like is kind of an infamous film now since Affleck was accused of sexual harassment from other women who worked on the set of the documentary. According to IMDB the plot line of the documentary “Documenting Joaquin Phoenix’s transition from the acting world to a career as an aspiring rapper”. Hmm.

Joaquin Rooney cannes audience look

I first developed a big crush on Phoenix when I was a kid and I watched him as a 12 or 13 year-old in the film Parenthood. The film also has a young Keanu Reeves and Martha Plimpton. Anyways, Phoenix was really good and cute in the movie starring Steve Martin. I love him in The Master also, which co-starred Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Amy Adams. It’s supposed to be about L. Ron Hubbard (creator of Scientology if ya didn’t know). Of course, Walk the Line. They’re both actors that don’t seem to be desperately seeking constant attention from the public. That doesn’t mean their egos aren’t huge. I’m just saying because they don’t put it all out there, I am more curious about them, and what their personal lives are like.

Hope they’re having fun and I’m happy to look at pictures of the coupling Marix (it’s probably insulting to give them a couple name, but whatever) until they’re no more, unless of course they last forever.