southern charm

SOUTHERN CHARM SAVANNAH: Ashley Purges In More Ways Than One/Hannah’s Dad Drops A Bomb

We hear Catherine’s voice doing the recap of the episode from last week. I wanna know why is boring Catherine the narrator? Dumb decision.

First off Hannah is packing for the trip to her dad’s place for a tailgate party.

Louis says, “Planning a party with your dad is so easy,” and that you just send people for more alcohol. Hannah gets all uppity about this not surprisingly.

Hannah then tells the camera that, “this is a perfect opportunity for him to show me that he is carrying the weight around here”. Yes, I do have an inkling suspicion that Hannah is subconsciously punishing Louis for her father’s wrongs.

Then it’s on to Nelson picking up Ashley at her place. I’m pretty sure Nelson can be heard screaming, “Go dawgs sick em,”  to cheer on the sports team they’re going to the tailgate party for. Nelson would be so much fun to go to a sports game with. That means a lot since I think sports are one of the most boring things to watch, but Nelson is a hoot! Nelson spinoff anybody? I bet it’s gonna happen with Ashley and Nelson taking on the big city (NYC) or celeb central (LA).

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(Nelson and Ashley earlier in the season)

I noticed during Ashley and Nelson’s drive that Nelson is wearing nice sunglasses. This is an improvement from the rest of his fashion (except for his glorious bow ties).

During the car trip, Ashley is bitching to Nelson about how Hannah should have been more considerate about going to a different designer/clothing maker in Charleston, when this is already Ashley’s livelihood. After Ashley says, ‘This is what pays for this car” Nelson’s agreement is given in the form of a very long and hilarious “Hmmmmm”. Nelson’s got some attitude in him and it’s quite entertaining. Yeah, he has been caught lying, but being fun goes a long way as well.

“Obviously I hate the tension with Hannah…If it turns sour, I know I have somewhere to go,” is what Ashley says about the Hannah feud (Ashley has access to her family or friend’s place to stay), since Ashley rightly fears that the power dynamic between her and Hannah could be unequal due to the party being on Hannah’s territory.

Hannah is so annoying! “I’m going to get the breakdown from my dad too about how much you actually did?” Why are you conspiring to get your boyfriend into trouble with your dad, Hannah? Stop caring so much what your damn dad thinks. He’s insensitive clearly.

Hannah says she gets anxiety driving up to beach house and we also find out that this is a 70-person party Louis ordered catering for. “My mom and dad built the house when I was in high school. We’ve had a lot of really fun family memories here, but it’s my dad and Sara’s house now. It’s just different,” Hannah says as she admits she hasn’t quite let go of the past yet.

Hannah says, “My stepmom and I are close in age, but not close”. Ouch! I wish I could know what Sara’s experience of the whole situation is. Hannah seems like a pretty stuck-up bitch at times, so I bet Hannah is hard to deal with. It seemed like Hannah left her stepmom out during one scene by focusing only on the people to her right, including Louis and her dad, rather than open it up for Sara to be a part of it. Sara kind of grabs at Hannah’s beer, and it was a tad awkward.

Then there’s Catherine reading some article about Ashley online. Ashley apparently got into an argument with a neighbour and busted the neighbour’s window. I want to hear more about this situation.

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(Lyle and Catherine looking virginal and boring as per usual)

Lyle is such that bitch who will never be able to attract an Ashley, so he pretends to crap on her, though he couldn’t handle her if he had the chance to. My analysis is why Lyle says, “She’s (Ashley’s) also an aggressive knocker along with aggressive bullshitter”. Harsh.

Then the ultimate NAGFEST tailgate party of 2017 (maybe 2016 depending on when it was filmed) by bugging Louis about everything in the most irritating way possible: “And it’s off to a rocky start…” is Hannah’s contribution to things early on. If Hannah only knew the reason this episode is so rocky is because her dad got too drunk and spilled the beans in a shocking way. Louis is an angel comparatively speaking.

When Hannah and her dad are talking, Hannah’s dad says, “Maybe i better have a talk with him”. What did Louis do that’s wrong? Their lifestyles must be too different from mine to get how not obsessing over running a party that is supposed to be fun is a bad thing.

Miss Control Freak Hannah says, “Every time i go to take a deep breath and a take a seat back…the ball has been dropped”. This is a party not a life or death surgery woman.

Hannah and her dad start doing it all themselves. 15 minutes later louis shows up on a golf cart

“You left,” Hannah says to Louis. She takes him around the side of the house for privacy in front of the cameras (haha, sure) to ream him out: “You’re hosting a party so stay ut until everything is finished and our guests arrive”. Hannah she is good at talking in a condescending manner. I wouldn’t want her to be my boss, cause I’d want to tell her to go get that fungal parasite removed from her asshole (jokes…don’t think Hannah would ever lower her guard long enough to pick up a fungal parasite, if there is such a thing), cause it’s really affecting her ability to focus on what matters.

“This is such bullshit,” is how Louis responds and I personally think he is right.

Hannah attempts to further degrade her boyfriend by calling him a vagina (not that it’s bad to be a vagina, if you can be a vagina, because vaginas are actually amazing): “You got to get that little tale feather out from underneath that vagina down there”. Nice girlfriend.

Hannah then pulls out another snot move by saying about tin foil top, “It’s just really TPT looking…trailer park trash”. Oh Hannah, aren’t you hilarious for making fun of those who aren’t as swanky as you?

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(Basic bitches Catherine, Happy, and Hannah)

Then it’s Happy’s turn once again to come in and make Hannah’s voice sound like smooth butter in comparison to Happy’s nasally whine. Happy is talking about Ashley when she says, “I want to pull her aside and have a conversation with her…Every time I turn around she’s like screaming at you”.  This girl Happy seriously irritates the fuck out of me. Catherine then repeats the rumour about Ashley punching out a window to the other girls. I can see where the conflict in this episode is heading: all signs point to Ashley. Bravo, Ashley (pun intended): $$$.

Happy says, “I struggle with feeling sad and then I hear things like this and I think this isn’t sad this is madness”. Okay there. Happy may be willing to be the black sheep of her family in terms of marrying a muslim person (since her mom at least isn’t supportive of her marriage), but she sure is judgmental and stuck-up about other things, so that judgmental trait must run in her family (it runs in my family too…can’t you tell?).

ASHLEY AND NELSON INCOMING: Ashley and Nelson show up to finally spice up the party. “Go dawgs!” Nelson say as he cheers on the team. Nelson is RIDIC. I want to hang out with Nelson so bad.

Ashley has a bandaid on her hand (window smasher!) and Catherine asks what happened. Ashley says, ‘Long story”. Perfect answer as she neither confirms nor denies, which is a great way to drag out the drama.

Happy asks Ashley, “How’s it going?” as the intro to their chat. Happy is constipated sounding. You need that rock solid piece of shit out of your ass, Happy or else you’re going to be stuck sounding like that forever. That was too harsh I know, but she really is the series villain for me.

Happy further chastises Ashley by saying, “It’s really really difficult to do that (support Ashley) when i feel like you’re acting in ways that I don’t understand that seem irrational”. I can see where Happy is coming from somewhat, it’s her delivery that sucks.

Ashley gives it right back, “Like what?”. Followed by, “You guys can’t just let me have a fun event”. Tell it like it is, girl!

Happy makes another annoying yet valid point when she asks Ashley, “Do you not feel like you’re attacking, Hannah?”.

“No one cares if i’m upset. It sucks,” Ashley shares while letting down her guard. It is correct that she’s kind of alone (except for Nelson) in this series.

Then the conversation turns to relationships and how Ashley knows Dennis is sweet, but he’ll never stand up for her and have her back in public.

Happy snaps back at her, “You’ve chosen your situation. if you don’t like it then get out of it”.

“I think that’s a very naive thing for her to say to me,” is how Ashley responds and I think she is correct. I’m unmarried and not a parent, so while I can see Ashley and Dennis’ relationship is unhealthy for Izzy (as Ashley can see too), it doesn’t mean breaking up a family is easy or something someone does rashly.

Ashley further sucks me in to loving her when she admits, “I’ve never made a decision based solely on what I wanted…”. I think there are many women who feel the same way about their lives, even if they won’t admit it on national television.

Ashley continues, “A lot of it is hard for me to deal with…That’s why I get defensive…I can’t survive on a daily basis if I focus on the struggles that I have…”. Amen! That is my life too. Just got to keep on moving, right? I think everyone is there, though levels of struggles are very different for all people.

Happy turns a bitchy-corner and seems like someone I could grow to like when she tell Ashley, “Right now, I feel like I understand where your’e coming from”. Ashley cries and hugs are given all around. Heartwarming stuff, but will it last? We shall see.

Grayson, Louis’ friend, pulls Nelson into the pool with him. Ashley jumps in and everyone else joins the pool part of the party. Grayson seems like he should be on the show too!

Now it’s BOYS ONLY (are we 10? I would not be cool with this if it was my boyfriend unless it was a pre planned boys night out…if I’m a female and I wanna come, I will) are going to the bar. We see shots of party time in da club. Daniel drops it loooowwww.

Then there’s Nelson droppin’ it with his hands. One more reason why I want to go out dancing with Nelson so bad! If you’re ever in Vancouver, Nelson, hit me up and I’ll take you to a fun hip hop club.

“You don’t have to be everything for everybody,” Hannah says to a haaaammmmed Ashley. Hannah is such a lecturer and so bitchy. Ahhh! Ashley starts barfing all over herself.

Now for the most shocking part of the episode with Louis and Hannah’s much talked-about Dad speaks for himself when he should have kept his mouth shut. Alcohol is dangerous people! That’s why I can’t touch it. Truth serum is something you’ve got to watch out for, because alcohol can make a negative spin one’s entire reality. I’m hoping that Hannah’s dad, David, was just in a particularly negative mood that night.

Louis tells Hannah’s dad she is brilliant and basically professes his love for his (Hannah’s dad’s) daughter (Hannah). Hannah’s dad then says, “I can’t tell them (Hannah and her sisters) I was never in love with her (their mom and his ex-wife)” along with “never force anything”. Okay that is a lot to digest for me, and I’m just a viewer. Hannah’s mom doesn’t deserve to be talked about this way. It’s weird, it’s like why’d you stay with a woman you were never in love with? How was she supposed to know that? Did she know that?

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(I bet Hannah started crying when she watched this episode for the first time…I would)

Louis admits, “I’m totally confused. I don’t know why he is saying that to be”. Hannah’s dad is messed up…”I was never in love with her (Hannah’s mom)” is repeated multiple times to Louis while they’re at the bar.

Louis isn’t the same as Hannah’s dad, as Louis maintains, “I love Hannah. She’s my best friend. I don’t take that for granted”. I like Louis.

Nelson and Ashley are driving together. She brings up how Happy and the girls genuinely tried to understand her, and she’s thankful since, “It’s hard to be vulnerable with people when you feel like they don’t really care” Yes, that is so true. I can’t let down my guard if I feel like someone has already judged me.

The next day, Hannah’s dad, David, is on his deck. It’s funny how her dad got the drunkest,  not the wild young partygoers.

Her dad looks guilty on the porch. Hannah is teary eyed while talking about Louis’ supposed faults again to her dad, ‘I really need him (Louis) to just like step it up…I feel like we’re jusr kind of floating out here in this weird space. It’s kind of funny, but sometimes i’m just like come on man”. Again, Hannah is misdirecting her anger. Focus on your fucking douche dad. He is the one who disgraces you and your family by speaking like that.

This episode was nuts…and I’m getting deeper and deeper into these people’s lives as the season goes on. Since I watch reality TV to escape, that is a good thing. This show is shaping up to contend with the original Southern Charm.

SOUTHERN CHARM SAVANNAH RECAP: Nelson Seems Genuine/Ashley Loses My Sympathy (At Least Temporarily)

During the intro recap from the previous weeks episodes, the racial or religious slur Nelson uses (my impression is that it’s against Jewish people) is highlighted, so I’m guessing Nelson apologizing is going to be one of the focuses this week.

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(Movie poster for Woody Allen’s Hannah and Her Sisters)

Hannah and Her Sisters! Ha…I’m 33 and I’ve seen the Woody Allen film. It’s a good one. For all of you out there who are too young to know what I’m talking about, sorry as this reference has likely been lost on you through no fault of your own. Anyways, Hannah’s sisters show up. I see they’re the aggressive hugger type girls. Like if I was in a cafe or restaurant and I see a bubble of females like this I’ll actively avoid them, oftentimes just to decrease the chances of having to listen to a high pitched squeal while avoiding being hit in the head by one of many failing arms that are about to go into a hug. So Hannah’s three sisters are Hillary is the oldest, Hattie is the third sister, and Hyatt is the youngest.

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(Louis)

Louis’ (Hannah’s boyfriend-for those of you who don’t already know) is having his 29th bday this episode. Hannah is both realistic and that irritating desperate to grow up girl when she says Louis wants to be 17. She calls herself a cradle robber. I’m not sure of their age difference, but I think Hannah is saying this more metaphorically, because Louis is too juvenile. He seems like a pretty decent boyfriend to me. Boring, but decent.

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(Throwback pic of Hannah and her sisters)

Hannah and her sisters are shown sitting around bitching about their parents divorce and their dad’s “awful girlfriends when they (Hannah’s parents) first split up”. They make some fun of a girlfriend who OH DEAR GOD! dared to wear a leopard print dress. I am a fan of leopard print. Yes, it is tacky, but tacky can be fun. And Hannah and her sisters seem like Yuppie tightwads to me for the most part.

Hannah then shares with the camera/audience that 2 years after her parents divorce (Hannah’s Dad cheated and it crushed her), Hannah found out Dad getting engaged to someone she hadn’t even met. She was told by someone who was eating at a restaurant she was working at, and she can’t remember actually being told because she thinks she blocked it out. Oh, what trauma you’ve been through poor Hannah!

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(This is Hannah as a kid. Can this version please come out to play again? Diva.)

It would be hard to accept that your parent isn’t who you think they are, but Hannah should consider the signs she missed rather than focusing on her Mom’s story that they were dancing on the back deck a week or so before he left (a story I remember Hannah telling earlier this season) and blaming everything on her dad. Is Hannah’s mom perfect? Based on how uppity she acts towards Louis (that being said I would be pissed about Ashley stripping down to see-through lingerie in front of my boyfriend too), Hannah might be recreating the scenario her parents experienced by trying to keep Louis on too-tight of a leash.

Nelson’s mom, Linda, is a gem. There were multiple times when she is talking to Nelson that appears to be a very patient and kind person, and she seems to understand that people’s criticism of Nelson is not coming out of nowhere. “Oooh chile, this boys been work!” is what I think his mama wants the audience (and people of Savannah) to know.

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(Nelson and his mom Linda)

Nelson and his mother go to a restaurant called Ms. Wilke to eat some Southern food with others. Nelson doesn’t fit in, and so I love him, is what I’m reminded of every time I see him try to be relaxed, or blend in with the other “norms” of Savannah. Nelson is too big for that city! He is waiting to break out. He needs to get any proclivities towards lying out of his system, and learn which words are offensive in 2017 not 1917, but he also is special. I am weird and awkward too, and so Nelson’s need to overanalyze and generally be a hilarious freak make me a fan of his.

After Nelson shares with his mom how the rest of the cast is mad at him, specifically Daniel, for the slur he used, even though Nelson claims he had no idea it was offensive , she tells Nelson that, “We do need to be responsible for what comes out of our mouths”. Educational moment happening right there. These moments may be far and few between on reality TV, but they are there for us to learn from those who do know more than us. Nelson’s mom also tells him of his error, “You have to own that”  and that after he apologizes to Daniel, he should say, “Let’s shake hands please”. This is a wonderful way to apologize. And Linda couldn’t help but include that it’s “not the first time his (Nelson’s) mouth has gotten him in trouble. His Mom’s face when drinking the iced tea gave me some insight into what it would be like to raise a Nelson. Hilarious!

Catherine tells her friend she worked it out with Ashley and that while this is good for the time being, but she’ll see if either mess up. The outlook is kind of bleak on that one.

Louis says, “When I first met Hannah, she was like, I have three sisters…”. This was initially a big deal, but now he’s got all her sisters on his team and it’s great.

Daniel has a crush on Hattie (the only blond of the four sisters). Daniel thinks she has a great ass. They didn’t hook up this episode, but it seems like it is on the horizon.

Louis makes fun of Hannah and calls her a mom to her sisters and they all laugh. So at least myself and Hannah’s boyfriend and sisters are all on the same page.

Catherine and what-his-face, oh yeah, Lyle, go on a date. Mini golf. Wow the non-existent passion is so not intense. Catherine recoils at Lyle’s touch. She is never going to be IN LOVE with Lyle (yes, this is just my OPINION).

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(Catherine and T-Rav: Southern Charmers)

He says it takes a lot of self confidence to be with Catherine. She has always been flirty according to Lyle. About Catherine’s flirting, Lyle says, “It is the most innocent. I know who she loves. I know where she’s coming at night”. I don’t know about that, but if Lyle is confidence in his position they will probably be happy for a long time. Usually, when I’ve seen and known super flirty it rarely stops at flirting alone, especially when alcohol is a part of the picture.

Hannah and her sisters set up for Louis’s birthday party. An oyster roast is happening because it’s Louis’ favourite thing. FYI: Catherine, who goes out boating with Daniel before the party, has more chemistry with Daniel than with Lyle.

Ashley shows up to Louis’ 29th with her tits out (yes!!!) and a hot purple dress on. Sadly, Dennis, Ashley’s husband and their son Isaac aren’t in this episode–tragic). Nelson shows up too.

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(Happy…right?)

Ewww…Flashback to Happy at Catherine’s dinner party, “How long does it take to get there?”. I agree with the point Happy is making, but EWW her voice is so stuck-up and annoying. She’s annoyed me since the first second I heard her speak in the first episode. But, considering the family and belief systems she’s been raised with, I do respect her decision to go against her family’s racist views and marry a Muslim person.

Bad oysters. Yuck. Finally Catherine and Daniel arrive to the party. I love Catherine’s move to pull off her rain pants and reveal a dress. That is totally something I’d do. Catherine is blah to me for the most part, but she entertained me, for a second, there.

These people’s version of a wild party is shotgunning beer. Hmm. Pretty tame, I’d say.

“I’ll think about it in, like, a couple drinks…” Happy is a bitch through and through.

Ashley goes to put on her bathing suit. I wanna see! Her body is banging. Sidenote: how does Ashley maintain her body? It probably requires work or very little food to look that good.

Nelson is feeling ostracized and his mouth tastes like some weird chemical name “paint”. Nelson is so funny with the out-of-left-field things he says. Spinoff idea: Ashley and Nelson Do Europe. Nelson’s style is not always as advanced as I imagine it to be. The washed out jeans with a belt and light blue polo shirt are outdated. Nelson goes and grabs Daniel to start the apology train.

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(Nelson and OG Southern Charmer Kathryn…fun peeps)

Nelson: “Thank-you for telling me that-the word that you told me about- was actually an offensive word because I did not know that when I said that. Please forgive me”. Good so far. Daniel then says, “I appreciate your apology now that you know the definition of the word”. Nelson is 32. I like that I’m only a year older than him. I wish we could be friends. I’d be we’d share some laughs.

Nelson is either a really good liar or very sincere (I feel like someone on the show said almost the same thing about Nelson this episode or last, too), because I totally bought his apology.

Catherine is very privileged and states, “I have learned to appreciate the old Savannah traditions”. She also says, “You never want to be excluded from something because you didn’t know how”.

Yeah, but most people don’t know how not because they’re unwilling to try but because they can’t afford what it costs to test out new activities and sports. Catherine, you might like to grab the bull by the horns, but those horns are so readily available to grab because of the history of slavery you are ok with your family and yourself continuing to profit from. Therefore, it annoys me that Catherine is talking like this to hype herself up as adventurous and willing to learn new things when her privilege is so wrapped-up in how she expresses these aspects of her personality.

Big Cat and Catherine arrive at this dressy event (all female bridge tournament) with lots of white women. Scenes like this make me scared and panicky when I imagine being put in this scenario. Thankfully, I don’t have to take part in scenarios like these really since my life ain’t about that, so I can just enjoy it from the outside in.

Ashley, the “harlot” in terms of her character type on the show and her portrayal, shows up to play bridge with the other women.

Ashley starts winning the game. Ashley asks Hannah to come out in the courtyard with her. What Ashley brings up came out of nowhere for me. If you don’t already know, last week Hannah met with a dressmaker to start working on her own line.

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(l to r: Ashley, Happy, Catherine, and Hannah during brighter times)

Ashley says, “The number one rule in business is you don’t step on people’s toes. She mentions to me about your dress line, I’m like, are you kidding me? I feed my child by doing fashion design and for you to go to someone else and not to me. It’s just one more thing to make me feel like I have the plague.” That is taking things way too personally Ashley. Hannah brought up how she felt to Ashley. Ashley played 100% victim card, and didn’t appear to listen to where Hannah was coming from.

Hannah looked bad during the one scene, but now Ashley looks like the fool here who is pushing way too hard to have a reason to hate-on Hannah.

To Ashley’s questioning of why Hannah didn’t go to fashionista Ashley, Hannah replies, “First of all, why do I need to tell you?”.

Ashley says, “It’s just common courtesy to mention it. Like that’s a big deal”.

As Happy eavesdrops on Hannah and Ashley’s convo, Happy says, “like my blood is boiling”. Yeah, because you’re a cunty bitch Happy.

Ashley adds this hilarious line when speaking about working for Delta airlines for 5 hours twice a week, “Sometimes I’ve even cleaned the toilet, but that has nothing to do with my styling career”. Touche!

Hannah kinds of shuts Ashley down by pointing out Hannah works for a trucking company and doesn’t think she is superior to Ashley.

“You’re about to have a rude awakening you know,” Ashley threatens Hannah.

“You sound super supportive right now. Thank-you,” is Hannah’s comeback to Ashley.

“You’re not going to talk over me, Ashley…I’m not afraid of you.” Hannah is about to start a Royal Rumble.

“I’m out. I’m going inside.” Ashley leaves…but then come back. They are going to work this out once and for all tonight (suuuuurreee they are). Both women agree to stop bitching about the other to other people. We’ll see if this happens.

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(Ashley is a very beautiful woman)

Hannah goes in and bitches to Catherine. Ashley smokes outside kind of being painted in a Cruella Devil-ian light.

 

 

SOUTHERN CHARM RECAP: Landon Surprises/Shep Sinks Lower

We see Thomas speaking to his bestie, the happily (it really does seem that way…I hope he’s not a cheater though) married father-of-four, JD about potential ladies T-Rav wants to wed. When the option of Landon comes up, JD says, “Of all the people in the universe, I don’t know if Kathryn would be real happy about that one.” JD really seems to get a kick out of all the unbelievable conundrums (to put it mildly) that Thomas gets himself into. I think JD loves Thomas and wants the best for him. But it also seems like JD is always entertained by these predicaments and JD wonders how Thomas can be surprised at the drama that surrounds him.

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(Landon, Thomas, and Jennifer…just friends? Step-mom Landon hmmm…)

Then we switch over to single, ripe-for-the-taking (if you can give Landon as many horses as she wants) Landon. She tells the camera that, “My Dad is a real estate developer. Everything he made is tangible, you can see it.” This is used to explain why he isn’t on board with Roam (new name please), and it’s lack of tangibility. The fact that the site can’t even claim its name definitely indicates that it’s likely to evaporate into thin air very quickly.

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(Landon and her ex husband)

Landon’s sweet dad tells her, “As a matter of fact, I’ve got a proposal for you”. Daddy offers Landon a 5 days a week job overseeing one of his development sites in Charleston, since he can’t be there to oversee it himself.

Instead of gratitude, Landon says, “This is a lot. I didn’t think that you were going to hit me with all this”. While a positive spin would be to say that Landon’s dad believes in her and is trying to give her a break with this job because he knows she can do it, Landon’s own mind (and maybe weak work ethic) makes her interpret his offer in a hurtful, condescending way.

Landon is sad her dad won’t acknowledge her site as a legitimate thing. Um, duh Landon, maybe that’s because even the most minor amount of research to see if your site name was available clearly wasn’t done effectively, if at all. About Roam Landon says, “It’s the first thing that I’ve ever done on my own as an adult that is just mine.” Landon says, “I want to do it on my own”.

I am not a fan of Landon in general, but her desire to be an independent woman and not take the easy way out did impress me this episode. I’ve never seen her clearly express that she knows it would be kind of pathetic to just fall into whatever fate offers her easy money to maintain her lifestyle.

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(One thing working for Landon is that she always looks good)

Landon knows it’d be easy to marry, but she says, “It’s kind of like giving up on myself. I’m betting on me”. I’m on TEAM LANDON then too in this instance!

Shep talks to Cameran about wanting to get married and the topic of Chelsea is brought up. “I think you’re scared of being vulnerable,” Cameran says to Shep and I agree wholeheartedly. Shep hasn’t worked enough and he feels like an unfulfilled loser because of it. I hate that work is necessary to feel good, but I’ve got to do something to feel ok about myself.

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(Shep seems to be full of shit)

Cameran says that if Shep tells Chelsea he wants to get to know her a little better, she would stop dating Austen. This whole episode made me start to wonder if Chelsea might be a real good actress, she has had me fooled or she is a really sweet person who also seems down to earth, because maybe she is using Austen as a tool to see if Shep really will go for her. I’m not saying I don’t think Chelsea doesn’t like Austen at all, I think there is a playful attraction there, but maybe in her gut Chelsea was hoping she’d be the one to change 37 year-old perma-child Shep Rose. I’ve done it myself and paid for it with my heart and sanity.

I think that men don’t change for you. Men can change, but it has to always start from somewhere inside I think, even if a change coincides with the meeting of a new potential dating partner. I don’t know if Shep’ll ever really be there, because to his detriment, money makes it so easy to not do anything.

“Is there any hope for Shepster?” Chelsea about Shep. The forecast is bleak on that one.

Austen and Chelsea. Asks her to meet his parents. Chelsea agrees. Either Chelsea is heartless, or Shep isn’t someone she’s secretly holding out for. It is NOT COOL to meet someone’s parents if you’re not in love with them. That’s just mean and misleading.

Austen and Chelsea are shown talking in a vehicle together. Chelsea says to Austen, “Shep did something really weird. And I’ve been torn if I should tell you or not. I feel like if roles were reversed I’d want you to tell me…he came to the back of the bar, he like grabbed my arm, and he was like I wanna talk to you…he immediately turns around and goes in to kiss me. He tried two or three times.”

“It is a cheap sly move,” is how Austen describes what Shep is said to have done.

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(Jennifer, Landon, Austen, Cameran and Chelsea)

Chelsea adds to how bad what Shep supposedly did by saying, “And you being inside the bar”.

“I just feel like that took some nerves,” is Chelsea’s final point (for now) on the topic. Chelsea also says Shep said everyone knows they have something special, and that Austen has a better connection with Landon. Landon is a flirt, and, no, I don’t think her and Austen have a connection.

Then there is a boys bar night. Before the Whitney and Shep arrive, Austen starts telling Craig about what Chelsea says happened.

Shep arrives at the drinking spot and Austen says, “I can’t believe he’s (Shep’s) able to act like nothing happened.”

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(Shep and Austen going at it)

Craig calls Shep out directly for his jealousy and of course Shep, the juvenile, denies the obvious. Austen brings up Chelsea’s story. Asks Shep if there is anything he wants to reveal. “Do you not think you were wrong in that?” Austen asks Shep. Shep claims he was doing it to protect Austen and to make sure Chelsea is genuinely into Austen. It was an act of kindness supposedly. Ridiculous.

“Craig, I am no lothario my friend,” Shep says in defense of these accusations.

Shep gets angry. “I gave you the chance to admit you’re doing somebody 500 times”. Oh, so Shep is still mad that Austen won’t open up about him and Chelsea. On this one area I’ll acknowledge Shep does have a point, because Austen hid his shit so Shep can kind of do that now too, but only to a degree, not to behave in a sexually aggressive manner like Chelsea described.

Shep points out Cameran keeps encouraging him to go after Chelsea. “Sometimes my maleness gets the better of me.” This is messed-up. Shep is kind of insinuating that his masculinity is so powerful that he couldn’t help but push way too far and grab Chelsea. That is the kind of thought process that has led people to justify sexual assaults, and therefore it repulses me. Shep then says, “Do you really think that I’d make someone go out with me? Maybe she likes me.”

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(Craig enjoys his chablis)

“Austen is really forcing this mirror in Shep’s face tonight,” is Craig accurately notes, and adds about Shep, “It’s really hard to look into that mirror and see someone you don’t like”. I think Craig loves Shep, but Shep was too critical of Craig, and I’d feel like Craig too, and a bit happy to see my friend judged after treating me poorly in the past. Immature? Yes. But I ain’t perfect.

Shep further acts a fool when we see a flashback where he says to Austen about Austen’s hook-up with Chelsea, “She went slumming with you. She wanted to see what a little blue collar was like”. Seriously Shep needs to stop drinking, because comments like that will always come out if you’re hammed.

Whitney keeps standing up for Shep, but this isn’t a shocker, as I think Whitney would stand-up for whomever he is closest to rather than even think about how is right or wrong in the situation. Blind loyalty is a little much for me.

The other friend at the bar (who isn’t a cast member) tells Shep what Austen said about him. Shep denies it. Austen says to Shep, “You have alluded to it a couple times. You said you don’t have enough money for her bro. Words out of your mouth”. Scott Disick from Keeping up with the Kardashians and Shep are kind of similar alcoholics in my opinion.

“You’re on very thin ice with me,” Shep says to Austen and he ends with the classic line,”You do you. I’ll do me. I don’t care I’ve got a million friends”.

You hear that, everybody? Shep is the most popular boy in school, I mean in life. Finally, “Let it go, man,” is what Whitney says to Austen. Shut up, Whitney, you’re an annoying bitch sometimes.

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(Thomas and Kathryn once upon a time…)

Thomas brings Kensie to the mommy-and-me modelling shoot with Kathryn. You can tell the parents are really trying, but they’re also tentative. Kensie looks really happy and they look like they have a future in modelling. At the end of the scene, Kensie doesn’t want to leave and keeps trying to get into her mother’s vehicle. It is sad as Kensie is crying a lot and eventually Thomas takes her and buckles her into her car seat. I definitely felt like I was contributing to traumatizing a child by watching that scene. Watching this unfold is too much and Kathryn goes inside and starts crying. Chelsea and the modelling agency woman comfort her. I want to see fun, snarky Kathryn and I hope her wit comes out as the season progresses. Right now, Kathryn’s scenes are too depressing.

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(l to r: Saint, Kathryn, and Kensie)

Chelsea and Cameran hang out. Chelsea tells Cameran Shep was trying to say it wasn’t his fault (his way too pushiness with Chelsea at the bar) because Cameran is always in his ear. Cameran admits that, “Maybe it is selfish of me because I love you both, and I want y’all to be together”.

“You see his lifestyle. As a friend, you shouldn’t want me to be…” Chelsea trails off. I’ll end the sentence myself “…with him”. Yep.

“He (Shep) gets away with it. I know so many guys like that…at some point, that can’t happen anymore” Chelsea about guys like Shep. Dead on! School him, please. This scene made me believe Chelsea isn’t orchestrating, or playing a role in, the drama around her, and that she really sees Shep for the entitled playboy he chooses to be at the present time. Cameran decides she is going to go chew him out.

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(Craig and Naomie during happier times…big ups to them for doing relationship work with a counsellor…my partner and I have too and it helps I think)

The therapy session between Craig and Naomie reminded me of fights between my boyfriend and I! He works in our apartment making music a lot, if he didn’t spend so much time on music I don’t think I’d find him an attractive partner (he has music is on reality TV show that airs on MTV2, so he gets legit jobs composing), but the current record he is working on will not pay out until his friend and him complete it and send it in to Music BC.

He also works in a restaurant, but I’ve been doing 8 hour shifts away from home 3-4 days of the week, and when I wake up and he sleeps in with the blinds drawn while I’m up and outside, I can harp on him for it. Seeing how Naomie talks to Craig though it reminds me that even if my frustration is justified, putting your partner down will only further de-motivate them and it won’t help life them up. So what I took away from this episode is that I need to stop dumping on my boyfriend.

Shep and Cameran meet up. Cameran says, “Well I think we’re going to have to save the love doll for somebody else”. That doll is cool though. I want one!

“I saw a bright, shiny object like a fish,” is how Shep describes Chelsea and the temptation to go after her.

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(Shep and Cameran weren’t laughing during their final convo this week)

“Do you not think that there is any part of you that is jealous of him?” Cameran asks.

“Just admit that you care. Oh my god. I call bullshit,” Cameran calls Shep out and it is satisfying as a viewer to see the TRUTH spelled out for Shep loud and clear. Grow up, please.

Until next time…

SOUTHERN CHARM SAVANNAH: Issac Steals the Spotlight and ASHLEY’S MARRIAGE WHOA

On this episode of Southern Charm Savannah, Ashley tells her shockingly quiet husband Dennis, “I mentioned to her (the psychic) about us. She felt perhaps you and I weren’t soulmates. I don’t know if that’s real not real. Maybe I’m standing in your way of finding someone.”

It’s obvious Ashley is the one bored in this relationship who wants someone new. I’m not sure why she is deflecting and putting it on her husband Dennis, who seems into being the bitch in this weird relationship. It’s painful to watch Dennis. I hope Dennis gets his groove back eventually.

“I’m glad she made you feel better” is what Ashley’s husband Dennis says to her when she tells him what the psychic, was in their house to cleanse bad energy from the room that Ashley and Dennis’ hilarious son Isaac was in when his bed caught on fire.

Ashley admits to the camera that, “The lack of romance is really hard for me and it’s lonely”. I bet it would be if she’s celibate and not experiencing enough intimacy.

Dennis also says, “I’m also not going to take relationship advice from the psychic.”

Ashley later says to the camera, “I don’t think Dennis hears me and that breaks my heart.” Yeah, like it sucks for Dennis, but why stay married to someone who doesn’t want you, Dennis? Grow some balls. I know it’s not that easy though.

DUBAI! Ashley then says to the camera, “I want to talk and Dennis doesn’t talk. Dennis got remarried so we could all go to Dubai together. You can’t live in a household together without being married. We didn’t want to split up our family again.” That explains a lot more. I really, really appreciate Ashley’s honesty.

Finally, Ashley says, “It’s hard because I wish it were okay.” At least Ashley doesn’t pretend it is ok. But for the sake of Isaac, their adorable son, who I think is very aware of the unhappy situation his parents are in, and that is why he says the food is poison and was being silly but also bratty when in front of the cameras.

Issac made me laugh out loud! He’s cute, and I like how he challenges his parents by showing them he’s not going to take part in any sort of silly charade. A child shouldn’t see his father feel so low in a relationship. Dennis’ confidence seems non-existent, which is sad. Dennis, you’re an attractive guy.

SOUTHERN CHARM: Brought Tears To My Eyes For The Firt Time EVA!

I thought it was hilarious when Craig said to his cat, Gizmo, “That’s your version of popping bottles, right?”, as he feeds him some treats.

Craig is so good looking but also weirdly geeky. I’m a huge geek, so I like him so much because he seems quite the opposite of cool and smooth. Sweet guy!

Craig is really happy this episode because he finally graduates law school due to finishing his last writing requirement. When he is at dinner with Naomie and he tells her of this positive outcome, she says, “I feel like it’s a bigger weight off of my chest, than it is yours.” You could tell that this hurt Craig and it seemed like he was feeling like he can do nothing right in Naomie’s eyes.

Naomie then went on to say to Craig, “If I hadn’t seen a huge improvement, we probably wouldn’t still be dating”. Ouch! Craig looks disappointed during the dinner and the tension is so extreme. She totally shits on him, but I can see where she is coming from in doing that. Craig did seem like he was being lazy.

Then there’s Thomas and Landon’s date. Prior to the date when describing the possibility of a serious relationship with Thomas if she pursues it that, “I would probably have a ring pretty quickly and all the horses I ever wanted.” A girl can never have too many horses, can they? Landon has likeable things about her, but I do feel like she prioritizes money over someone who challenges her in pursuing this relationship with Thomas. I actually think Landon may be more intelligent than Thomas. I know that’s mean, but it’s kind of what I believe.

Child custody you have to prove that you can do it. As in you mean have a nanny there 24/7 even while filming scenes for the show. Oh yeah, it’s so hard on Thomas.

Landon tells Thomas on their date about how Whitney’s mom Patricia invited Landon over to suggest that “I should consider you as a suitor”.

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(Landon and Thomas)

We would be perfect together if he was 20 years younger and didn’t have a baby mama

“Go fuck thyself!” is Thomas’ perspective on people who want to judge him.

“You two get it done…This little girl is your soulmate.” This is what is said when their dinner is interrupted by some random crazy drunk lady at the restaurant their date is at. Ok, well if some out-of-it woman tells you you’re soulmates, why question it?

“It’s Southern is what it is…” Shep about Cameran being polite to Kathryn.

You could tell Cameran kind of realized she totally did isolate Kathryn and treated her poorly, much worse than Thomas even though he’s 30 years older and should know SOOOO much better than Kathryn…double standards against women, because she teared up while telling Kathryn that her and Whitney are there to support her.

I hope they can have some fun scenes as the season goes on, rather than just making Kathryn that sober downer loser all the time. That kind of depiction is part of what makes it so hard to be sober, I think, but yet maybe it’s just a realistic depiction of how sober people are not able to easily be the life of parties. I haven’t drank alcohol for over 8 years, so I’m sensitive to this topic and interested in it.

Austen describes “Chelsea as very guarded”. “The girl’s been engaged twice. Every relationship she’s ever been in she’s getting screwed over by guys.” Austen about his sometime paramour, Chelsea. Is it over?

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(Shep, Cameran, who is currently pregnant IRL, and Austen)

Shep (Chelsea’s past hook-up. Seems like he still has a crush) shows up where Chelsea works to get her to cut his hair.

“Chelsea’s a grown girl.” Austen about Chelsea

“The kid playing in the sandbox that doesn’t want to play with a toy.”

Craig’s theory while on the green with Austen about Shep, “He’s actually deeply insecure. He’s jealous we’re able to have confidence to go out and take a chance on someone.”

Yeah, I like Shep, but I do think he is deeply insecure. He hasn’t proven himself to himself or anyone else, and there is no way around inaction. But you can use each day to do actions you haven’t done before, which leads to change. So Shep is very far from a lost cause if there even is such a thing.

Deidre Thomas’s nanny for his kids Saint and Kenzie is who I want to see interviewed! What is her life really like. If Thomas can’t even fake taking care of his own two kids for the cameras, then he probably needs her and another nanny to make sure his kids are covered with extra support 24/7.

I bet she gets paid alot (she better) and she deserves every penny since she’s the one raising his kids right now.

“If they pull it out. I ain’t coming.

Whitney

“My eggs are drying up..” is the wonderful line Landon uses as a starting off point for breaking up with her much younger, not serious boyfriend.

I just want someone who will walk the dog with me.” “and buy me as many horses as I want” (that’s the part Landon said in her head).

Kathryn “From that to where I am now is just the polar opposite.

Thomas’s best friend JD’s wife Elizabeth. Elizabeth brings Thomas’ letter to Kathryn.

Now I Can See Why Austen Kroll From Southern Charm Seems Older Than 29

During the most recent episode of Southern Charm (airing on May 22nd), Austen revealed at the parquet courts place that his older sister, Kyle, died when Austen was 7 and Kyle was 10. Chelsea was asking something I would have wanted to know also, which is why Austen has a younger sister who is 9 years younger than him.

He explains that his parents had another child after his older sister tragically fell off the side of a cliff while on a family vacation in the U.S. Chelsea’s eyes welled-up immediately, it made me sad too, and it helped me to understand that I find Austen to be a hot 23 year-old, which is so rare because I’m 33 and usually find men who are older than myself to be hottest, because he’s probably been through more than most people in his particular genre of privileged whitehood in the first 29 years of life.

 

 

Ashley Borders Is A Standout: Southern Charm Savannah

So I watched Southern Charm Savannah episode 2 last night, and, to me at least, it is apparent that the series standout (maybe this will change) is Ashley Borders (Ashley’s Instagram).

It is easy to see why some women (aka the other boring bitches on the show) might not warm up to Ashley, because not only does Ashley have a super hot body, but she is willing to strip down to super revealing lingerie or bathing suits on a whim, whether this whim occurs on a golf course around 2 of her male friends or on a dock on a bayou (don’t even know if I’m using this word correctly, it might be a river Ashley jumped into, but I wanted to use bayou and hear the YOU part of the word echo in my head fifteen times over).

It does seem to me, but this is coming from a really uptight prudish person, that Ashley might use her sexiness to attract the attention of men in ways that seem somewhat desperate, especially when Ashley’s (estranged?) husband, Dennis, is standing a few feet away from her (as this is what happened in the first episode…Dennis, seems like a rather submissive man who wants his wife all to himself, but doesn’t have the nerve to challenge his partner because he wants her so bad). This is the downside to Ashley or what boring people might use to hate her. Ashley admits that they married because she was pregnant with her son Isaac, and that even though it is typical in Southern culture that everything is ok, Ashley is not happy.

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(Ashley’s husband, Dennis, and Ashley as a brunette)

So while I cringed when Ashley strips down, because the others around her seem uncomfortable with it also, I love how OPEN she is.

To me, as an avid reality TV show consumer, it is incredibly important that one is OPEN and shares embarrassing, shocking, and/or painful information with the audience, because that is what makes an audience get attached to reality TV people/characters. I think the audience can smell bullshit, and people like Ramona on Real Housewives of New York City last the test of time because EVERYONE is a bit crazy, but many people try to conceal that rather than being upfront about it.

Ashley admits on episode 2 that she hasn’t had a sexual relationship with her husband since her son, Izzy (who I think is adorable), was born. According to Ashley’s Instagram account, Izzy just turned 13 3 days ago. On SC Savannah, Ashley says that Dennis and she divorced when he was a toddler and then got married again 8 years later. That’s a long time to go without boning your spouse!

 

Ashley’s relationship is something that I’d like to learn more about. Why is her husband hanging around and being identified as Ashley’s husband in the first episode if they’re not in a typical sexual husband-wife relationship? What I respect about Ashley is that she is honest and shares that her relationship is not conventional.

Does Ashley or her husband have sex outside of the relationship? This is something I’ll keep tuning in to find out. It seems like Ashley’s desire to strip down might reflect that she is very comfortable with her body and this might extend to being very sexual, but maybe she also strips down because she is sex deprived and needs to feel hot in some way if her husband isn’t doing it for her or making Ashley feel desirable.

Anyways, the other people on this show seem pretty boring and generic so far, so if it weren’t for Ashley I don’t know if I’d keep watching. Southern Charm OG is a tough act to follow, so we’ll see how well Savannah does.

Finally, A Story That Made Me Happy: Southern Charm’s Craig Conover Finally Passed Bar Exam

I saw this People magazine story yesterday and I realized that discipline and perseverance in the face of adversity persist after all when I found out Southern Charm’s (one of my top, if not THE top reality show, show I’m watching–in my opinion) Craig Conover finally passed the bar exam.

He was publicly shamed at the end of the last season (the 3rd) when he was pushed to reveal on the reunion that he can’t write the bar exam because he failed to finish law school. His final term paper was never turned in.

The rest of the cast appeared shocked to learn that Craig had been lying to them for 3 seasons. I’m not sure how many actual years that is, but probably at least 2, since season 1.

Anyways, though Craig is a bit of a tool sometimes, he does have a certain sweetness and he seems very focused on doing the right thing, even if it’s undeniable that he often doesn’t DO THE RIGHT THING (haven’t seen that movie in a while-may be revisiting it soon).

Conover’s best moment this season (4) so far, again in my opinion since I’m the one writing this and there’s no statistical way found out yet to determine whether or not this is more than an opinion and truly accurate) is when after a polo match, his co-star and apparent friend Thomas Ravenel is sitting with some other cast members as his two children, Kenzie and Saint, (who he fathered as a 50 plus lifelong bachelor with the now 24 year-old Kathryn Dennis and who he has full custody of) are pushed on a stroller by their nanny behind them. 3 year-old Kenzie is yelling out, “Daddy! Daddy!” but he ignores her and continues talking to the people around them.

Craig takes issue with this (it felt super weird to me too…just say hi to your daughter since she is clearly happy to see you) and told Thomas in Craig’s very nasally voice to go say hi to his daughter. Thomas kind of tells Craig to fuck off and Craig walks away pissed. This moment is where Craig’s midwestern sensibility really shines through.

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Congrats to Craig and his girlfriend Naomie Olindo who seemed about ready to dump him if he didn’t get it together and finally do something with his life (not to say at all that this is something I’ve accomplished myself, but still aiming for it)!