southern charm sav

SOUTHERN CHARM SAVANNAH: Ashley Purges In More Ways Than One/Hannah’s Dad Drops A Bomb

We hear Catherine’s voice doing the recap of the episode from last week. I wanna know why is boring Catherine the narrator? Dumb decision.

First off Hannah is packing for the trip to her dad’s place for a tailgate party.

Louis says, “Planning a party with your dad is so easy,” and that you just send people for more alcohol. Hannah gets all uppity about this not surprisingly.

Hannah then tells the camera that, “this is a perfect opportunity for him to show me that he is carrying the weight around here”. Yes, I do have an inkling suspicion that Hannah is subconsciously punishing Louis for her father’s wrongs.

Then it’s on to Nelson picking up Ashley at her place. I’m pretty sure Nelson can be heard screaming, “Go dawgs sick em,”  to cheer on the sports team they’re going to the tailgate party for. Nelson would be so much fun to go to a sports game with. That means a lot since I think sports are one of the most boring things to watch, but Nelson is a hoot! Nelson spinoff anybody? I bet it’s gonna happen with Ashley and Nelson taking on the big city (NYC) or celeb central (LA).

SC SAV nelson ashley river pic

(Nelson and Ashley earlier in the season)

I noticed during Ashley and Nelson’s drive that Nelson is wearing nice sunglasses. This is an improvement from the rest of his fashion (except for his glorious bow ties).

During the car trip, Ashley is bitching to Nelson about how Hannah should have been more considerate about going to a different designer/clothing maker in Charleston, when this is already Ashley’s livelihood. After Ashley says, ‘This is what pays for this car” Nelson’s agreement is given in the form of a very long and hilarious “Hmmmmm”. Nelson’s got some attitude in him and it’s quite entertaining. Yeah, he has been caught lying, but being fun goes a long way as well.

“Obviously I hate the tension with Hannah…If it turns sour, I know I have somewhere to go,” is what Ashley says about the Hannah feud (Ashley has access to her family or friend’s place to stay), since Ashley rightly fears that the power dynamic between her and Hannah could be unequal due to the party being on Hannah’s territory.

Hannah is so annoying! “I’m going to get the breakdown from my dad too about how much you actually did?” Why are you conspiring to get your boyfriend into trouble with your dad, Hannah? Stop caring so much what your damn dad thinks. He’s insensitive clearly.

Hannah says she gets anxiety driving up to beach house and we also find out that this is a 70-person party Louis ordered catering for. “My mom and dad built the house when I was in high school. We’ve had a lot of really fun family memories here, but it’s my dad and Sara’s house now. It’s just different,” Hannah says as she admits she hasn’t quite let go of the past yet.

Hannah says, “My stepmom and I are close in age, but not close”. Ouch! I wish I could know what Sara’s experience of the whole situation is. Hannah seems like a pretty stuck-up bitch at times, so I bet Hannah is hard to deal with. It seemed like Hannah left her stepmom out during one scene by focusing only on the people to her right, including Louis and her dad, rather than open it up for Sara to be a part of it. Sara kind of grabs at Hannah’s beer, and it was a tad awkward.

Then there’s Catherine reading some article about Ashley online. Ashley apparently got into an argument with a neighbour and busted the neighbour’s window. I want to hear more about this situation.

SOUTHERN CHARM SAV lyle catherine all white

(Lyle and Catherine looking virginal and boring as per usual)

Lyle is such that bitch who will never be able to attract an Ashley, so he pretends to crap on her, though he couldn’t handle her if he had the chance to. My analysis is why Lyle says, “She’s (Ashley’s) also an aggressive knocker along with aggressive bullshitter”. Harsh.

Then the ultimate NAGFEST tailgate party of 2017 (maybe 2016 depending on when it was filmed) by bugging Louis about everything in the most irritating way possible: “And it’s off to a rocky start…” is Hannah’s contribution to things early on. If Hannah only knew the reason this episode is so rocky is because her dad got too drunk and spilled the beans in a shocking way. Louis is an angel comparatively speaking.

When Hannah and her dad are talking, Hannah’s dad says, “Maybe i better have a talk with him”. What did Louis do that’s wrong? Their lifestyles must be too different from mine to get how not obsessing over running a party that is supposed to be fun is a bad thing.

Miss Control Freak Hannah says, “Every time i go to take a deep breath and a take a seat back…the ball has been dropped”. This is a party not a life or death surgery woman.

Hannah and her dad start doing it all themselves. 15 minutes later louis shows up on a golf cart

“You left,” Hannah says to Louis. She takes him around the side of the house for privacy in front of the cameras (haha, sure) to ream him out: “You’re hosting a party so stay ut until everything is finished and our guests arrive”. Hannah she is good at talking in a condescending manner. I wouldn’t want her to be my boss, cause I’d want to tell her to go get that fungal parasite removed from her asshole (jokes…don’t think Hannah would ever lower her guard long enough to pick up a fungal parasite, if there is such a thing), cause it’s really affecting her ability to focus on what matters.

“This is such bullshit,” is how Louis responds and I personally think he is right.

Hannah attempts to further degrade her boyfriend by calling him a vagina (not that it’s bad to be a vagina, if you can be a vagina, because vaginas are actually amazing): “You got to get that little tale feather out from underneath that vagina down there”. Nice girlfriend.

Hannah then pulls out another snot move by saying about tin foil top, “It’s just really TPT looking…trailer park trash”. Oh Hannah, aren’t you hilarious for making fun of those who aren’t as swanky as you?

SOUTHERN CHARM SAV catherine happy hannah pouring drinks

(Basic bitches Catherine, Happy, and Hannah)

Then it’s Happy’s turn once again to come in and make Hannah’s voice sound like smooth butter in comparison to Happy’s nasally whine. Happy is talking about Ashley when she says, “I want to pull her aside and have a conversation with her…Every time I turn around she’s like screaming at you”.  This girl Happy seriously irritates the fuck out of me. Catherine then repeats the rumour about Ashley punching out a window to the other girls. I can see where the conflict in this episode is heading: all signs point to Ashley. Bravo, Ashley (pun intended): $$$.

Happy says, “I struggle with feeling sad and then I hear things like this and I think this isn’t sad this is madness”. Okay there. Happy may be willing to be the black sheep of her family in terms of marrying a muslim person (since her mom at least isn’t supportive of her marriage), but she sure is judgmental and stuck-up about other things, so that judgmental trait must run in her family (it runs in my family too…can’t you tell?).

ASHLEY AND NELSON INCOMING: Ashley and Nelson show up to finally spice up the party. “Go dawgs!” Nelson say as he cheers on the team. Nelson is RIDIC. I want to hang out with Nelson so bad.

Ashley has a bandaid on her hand (window smasher!) and Catherine asks what happened. Ashley says, ‘Long story”. Perfect answer as she neither confirms nor denies, which is a great way to drag out the drama.

Happy asks Ashley, “How’s it going?” as the intro to their chat. Happy is constipated sounding. You need that rock solid piece of shit out of your ass, Happy or else you’re going to be stuck sounding like that forever. That was too harsh I know, but she really is the series villain for me.

Happy further chastises Ashley by saying, “It’s really really difficult to do that (support Ashley) when i feel like you’re acting in ways that I don’t understand that seem irrational”. I can see where Happy is coming from somewhat, it’s her delivery that sucks.

Ashley gives it right back, “Like what?”. Followed by, “You guys can’t just let me have a fun event”. Tell it like it is, girl!

Happy makes another annoying yet valid point when she asks Ashley, “Do you not feel like you’re attacking, Hannah?”.

“No one cares if i’m upset. It sucks,” Ashley shares while letting down her guard. It is correct that she’s kind of alone (except for Nelson) in this series.

Then the conversation turns to relationships and how Ashley knows Dennis is sweet, but he’ll never stand up for her and have her back in public.

Happy snaps back at her, “You’ve chosen your situation. if you don’t like it then get out of it”.

“I think that’s a very naive thing for her to say to me,” is how Ashley responds and I think she is correct. I’m unmarried and not a parent, so while I can see Ashley and Dennis’ relationship is unhealthy for Izzy (as Ashley can see too), it doesn’t mean breaking up a family is easy or something someone does rashly.

Ashley further sucks me in to loving her when she admits, “I’ve never made a decision based solely on what I wanted…”. I think there are many women who feel the same way about their lives, even if they won’t admit it on national television.

Ashley continues, “A lot of it is hard for me to deal with…That’s why I get defensive…I can’t survive on a daily basis if I focus on the struggles that I have…”. Amen! That is my life too. Just got to keep on moving, right? I think everyone is there, though levels of struggles are very different for all people.

Happy turns a bitchy-corner and seems like someone I could grow to like when she tell Ashley, “Right now, I feel like I understand where your’e coming from”. Ashley cries and hugs are given all around. Heartwarming stuff, but will it last? We shall see.

Grayson, Louis’ friend, pulls Nelson into the pool with him. Ashley jumps in and everyone else joins the pool part of the party. Grayson seems like he should be on the show too!

Now it’s BOYS ONLY (are we 10? I would not be cool with this if it was my boyfriend unless it was a pre planned boys night out…if I’m a female and I wanna come, I will) are going to the bar. We see shots of party time in da club. Daniel drops it loooowwww.

Then there’s Nelson droppin’ it with his hands. One more reason why I want to go out dancing with Nelson so bad! If you’re ever in Vancouver, Nelson, hit me up and I’ll take you to a fun hip hop club.

“You don’t have to be everything for everybody,” Hannah says to a haaaammmmed Ashley. Hannah is such a lecturer and so bitchy. Ahhh! Ashley starts barfing all over herself.

Now for the most shocking part of the episode with Louis and Hannah’s much talked-about Dad speaks for himself when he should have kept his mouth shut. Alcohol is dangerous people! That’s why I can’t touch it. Truth serum is something you’ve got to watch out for, because alcohol can make a negative spin one’s entire reality. I’m hoping that Hannah’s dad, David, was just in a particularly negative mood that night.

Louis tells Hannah’s dad she is brilliant and basically professes his love for his (Hannah’s dad’s) daughter (Hannah). Hannah’s dad then says, “I can’t tell them (Hannah and her sisters) I was never in love with her (their mom and his ex-wife)” along with “never force anything”. Okay that is a lot to digest for me, and I’m just a viewer. Hannah’s mom doesn’t deserve to be talked about this way. It’s weird, it’s like why’d you stay with a woman you were never in love with? How was she supposed to know that? Did she know that?

SOUTHERN CHARM SAV hannah crying on porch

(I bet Hannah started crying when she watched this episode for the first time…I would)

Louis admits, “I’m totally confused. I don’t know why he is saying that to be”. Hannah’s dad is messed up…”I was never in love with her (Hannah’s mom)” is repeated multiple times to Louis while they’re at the bar.

Louis isn’t the same as Hannah’s dad, as Louis maintains, “I love Hannah. She’s my best friend. I don’t take that for granted”. I like Louis.

Nelson and Ashley are driving together. She brings up how Happy and the girls genuinely tried to understand her, and she’s thankful since, “It’s hard to be vulnerable with people when you feel like they don’t really care” Yes, that is so true. I can’t let down my guard if I feel like someone has already judged me.

The next day, Hannah’s dad, David, is on his deck. It’s funny how her dad got the drunkest,  not the wild young partygoers.

Her dad looks guilty on the porch. Hannah is teary eyed while talking about Louis’ supposed faults again to her dad, ‘I really need him (Louis) to just like step it up…I feel like we’re jusr kind of floating out here in this weird space. It’s kind of funny, but sometimes i’m just like come on man”. Again, Hannah is misdirecting her anger. Focus on your fucking douche dad. He is the one who disgraces you and your family by speaking like that.

This episode was nuts…and I’m getting deeper and deeper into these people’s lives as the season goes on. Since I watch reality TV to escape, that is a good thing. This show is shaping up to contend with the original Southern Charm.