reality tv

RHONY-Should Renew Sonja’s Contract After Lines Like This: “Cause When That Woman(Ramona)’s Gettin’ Banged, She’s Happy!”

Ha! Sonja said this about Ramona this week that when Ramona and Mario (her ex-husband) used to be married, he was banging her every night (or I guess every night when he wasn’t banging someone else, since she acknowledged he was a cheater—totally had that vibe, too). Sonja is in a hot tub in Mexico on this weeks episode of Real Housewives of New York City as she says about Ramona that she’s sad because she’s not getting enough sex.

Sonja displays her clever wit and no shame in the jokes game when she says about Ramona, “’cause when that woman’s getting banged, she’s happy!” Man, Sonja is funny!

Andy Cohen knows that with lines like that Sonja is going to be some dollars sent her way next season too.

This May Be Pathetic, But A SPEIDI Pregnancy Pic Has Brightened My Day!

So since I’m Canadian and we had Canada Day on Saturday, July 1st and the subsequent day off for Monday-Friday peeps Monday, then July 4th in the US on Tuesday, I’m feeling a little down and depressed about how FUCKED UP this world is.

I also watched an HBO documentary, Requiem for the Dead: American Spring 2014, that was fascinating, because it told individual, specific stories rather than simply focusing on overarching statistics (which is a storytelling style I find boring and lacking impact) related to gun violence. Seeing specific stories told over and over again throughout the film against the occasional backdrop of a running tally of how many thousands of people died due to gun violence in the US during the months of March to June 2014 is sickening and I think it hints at how frightening America is. Here’s a link (click here to go to IMDB page for doc) to the IMDB description of the documentary that I strongly recommend. It will take something out of you though (or at least it did that to me), so be ready for it, since it’s not a casual night of after-work viewing. Not relaxing I shall say. I was intrigued, but left with a greater sense of hopelessness.

I needed a pick-me-up this morning. So looking at these very persistent reality TV people, who I’ve been watching since Princes of Malibu (Spencer…still can’t find this show to download and I really wish I could) and The Hills (or maybe even Heidi popped up on Laguna Beach, I feel bad for not knowing, though I shouldn’t) makes me have hope that I can’t always predict the future. I never thought Heidi and Spencer would make it in the long run (at least 10 years now) and not long enough to create a child together.

They’re a bit wacky, but aren’t we all. I guarantee they have many beliefs I find offensive, but yet beneath at all, from watching these people for so long, I can’t help but wish for their happiness and a bright future free from an obsession with very large crystals.

SOUTHERN CHARM SAVANNAH: Ashley Purges In More Ways Than One/Hannah’s Dad Drops A Bomb

We hear Catherine’s voice doing the recap of the episode from last week. I wanna know why is boring Catherine the narrator? Dumb decision.

First off Hannah is packing for the trip to her dad’s place for a tailgate party.

Louis says, “Planning a party with your dad is so easy,” and that you just send people for more alcohol. Hannah gets all uppity about this not surprisingly.

Hannah then tells the camera that, “this is a perfect opportunity for him to show me that he is carrying the weight around here”. Yes, I do have an inkling suspicion that Hannah is subconsciously punishing Louis for her father’s wrongs.

Then it’s on to Nelson picking up Ashley at her place. I’m pretty sure Nelson can be heard screaming, “Go dawgs sick em,”  to cheer on the sports team they’re going to the tailgate party for. Nelson would be so much fun to go to a sports game with. That means a lot since I think sports are one of the most boring things to watch, but Nelson is a hoot! Nelson spinoff anybody? I bet it’s gonna happen with Ashley and Nelson taking on the big city (NYC) or celeb central (LA).

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(Nelson and Ashley earlier in the season)

I noticed during Ashley and Nelson’s drive that Nelson is wearing nice sunglasses. This is an improvement from the rest of his fashion (except for his glorious bow ties).

During the car trip, Ashley is bitching to Nelson about how Hannah should have been more considerate about going to a different designer/clothing maker in Charleston, when this is already Ashley’s livelihood. After Ashley says, ‘This is what pays for this car” Nelson’s agreement is given in the form of a very long and hilarious “Hmmmmm”. Nelson’s got some attitude in him and it’s quite entertaining. Yeah, he has been caught lying, but being fun goes a long way as well.

“Obviously I hate the tension with Hannah…If it turns sour, I know I have somewhere to go,” is what Ashley says about the Hannah feud (Ashley has access to her family or friend’s place to stay), since Ashley rightly fears that the power dynamic between her and Hannah could be unequal due to the party being on Hannah’s territory.

Hannah is so annoying! “I’m going to get the breakdown from my dad too about how much you actually did?” Why are you conspiring to get your boyfriend into trouble with your dad, Hannah? Stop caring so much what your damn dad thinks. He’s insensitive clearly.

Hannah says she gets anxiety driving up to beach house and we also find out that this is a 70-person party Louis ordered catering for. “My mom and dad built the house when I was in high school. We’ve had a lot of really fun family memories here, but it’s my dad and Sara’s house now. It’s just different,” Hannah says as she admits she hasn’t quite let go of the past yet.

Hannah says, “My stepmom and I are close in age, but not close”. Ouch! I wish I could know what Sara’s experience of the whole situation is. Hannah seems like a pretty stuck-up bitch at times, so I bet Hannah is hard to deal with. It seemed like Hannah left her stepmom out during one scene by focusing only on the people to her right, including Louis and her dad, rather than open it up for Sara to be a part of it. Sara kind of grabs at Hannah’s beer, and it was a tad awkward.

Then there’s Catherine reading some article about Ashley online. Ashley apparently got into an argument with a neighbour and busted the neighbour’s window. I want to hear more about this situation.

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(Lyle and Catherine looking virginal and boring as per usual)

Lyle is such that bitch who will never be able to attract an Ashley, so he pretends to crap on her, though he couldn’t handle her if he had the chance to. My analysis is why Lyle says, “She’s (Ashley’s) also an aggressive knocker along with aggressive bullshitter”. Harsh.

Then the ultimate NAGFEST tailgate party of 2017 (maybe 2016 depending on when it was filmed) by bugging Louis about everything in the most irritating way possible: “And it’s off to a rocky start…” is Hannah’s contribution to things early on. If Hannah only knew the reason this episode is so rocky is because her dad got too drunk and spilled the beans in a shocking way. Louis is an angel comparatively speaking.

When Hannah and her dad are talking, Hannah’s dad says, “Maybe i better have a talk with him”. What did Louis do that’s wrong? Their lifestyles must be too different from mine to get how not obsessing over running a party that is supposed to be fun is a bad thing.

Miss Control Freak Hannah says, “Every time i go to take a deep breath and a take a seat back…the ball has been dropped”. This is a party not a life or death surgery woman.

Hannah and her dad start doing it all themselves. 15 minutes later louis shows up on a golf cart

“You left,” Hannah says to Louis. She takes him around the side of the house for privacy in front of the cameras (haha, sure) to ream him out: “You’re hosting a party so stay ut until everything is finished and our guests arrive”. Hannah she is good at talking in a condescending manner. I wouldn’t want her to be my boss, cause I’d want to tell her to go get that fungal parasite removed from her asshole (jokes…don’t think Hannah would ever lower her guard long enough to pick up a fungal parasite, if there is such a thing), cause it’s really affecting her ability to focus on what matters.

“This is such bullshit,” is how Louis responds and I personally think he is right.

Hannah attempts to further degrade her boyfriend by calling him a vagina (not that it’s bad to be a vagina, if you can be a vagina, because vaginas are actually amazing): “You got to get that little tale feather out from underneath that vagina down there”. Nice girlfriend.

Hannah then pulls out another snot move by saying about tin foil top, “It’s just really TPT looking…trailer park trash”. Oh Hannah, aren’t you hilarious for making fun of those who aren’t as swanky as you?

SOUTHERN CHARM SAV catherine happy hannah pouring drinks

(Basic bitches Catherine, Happy, and Hannah)

Then it’s Happy’s turn once again to come in and make Hannah’s voice sound like smooth butter in comparison to Happy’s nasally whine. Happy is talking about Ashley when she says, “I want to pull her aside and have a conversation with her…Every time I turn around she’s like screaming at you”.  This girl Happy seriously irritates the fuck out of me. Catherine then repeats the rumour about Ashley punching out a window to the other girls. I can see where the conflict in this episode is heading: all signs point to Ashley. Bravo, Ashley (pun intended): $$$.

Happy says, “I struggle with feeling sad and then I hear things like this and I think this isn’t sad this is madness”. Okay there. Happy may be willing to be the black sheep of her family in terms of marrying a muslim person (since her mom at least isn’t supportive of her marriage), but she sure is judgmental and stuck-up about other things, so that judgmental trait must run in her family (it runs in my family too…can’t you tell?).

ASHLEY AND NELSON INCOMING: Ashley and Nelson show up to finally spice up the party. “Go dawgs!” Nelson say as he cheers on the team. Nelson is RIDIC. I want to hang out with Nelson so bad.

Ashley has a bandaid on her hand (window smasher!) and Catherine asks what happened. Ashley says, ‘Long story”. Perfect answer as she neither confirms nor denies, which is a great way to drag out the drama.

Happy asks Ashley, “How’s it going?” as the intro to their chat. Happy is constipated sounding. You need that rock solid piece of shit out of your ass, Happy or else you’re going to be stuck sounding like that forever. That was too harsh I know, but she really is the series villain for me.

Happy further chastises Ashley by saying, “It’s really really difficult to do that (support Ashley) when i feel like you’re acting in ways that I don’t understand that seem irrational”. I can see where Happy is coming from somewhat, it’s her delivery that sucks.

Ashley gives it right back, “Like what?”. Followed by, “You guys can’t just let me have a fun event”. Tell it like it is, girl!

Happy makes another annoying yet valid point when she asks Ashley, “Do you not feel like you’re attacking, Hannah?”.

“No one cares if i’m upset. It sucks,” Ashley shares while letting down her guard. It is correct that she’s kind of alone (except for Nelson) in this series.

Then the conversation turns to relationships and how Ashley knows Dennis is sweet, but he’ll never stand up for her and have her back in public.

Happy snaps back at her, “You’ve chosen your situation. if you don’t like it then get out of it”.

“I think that’s a very naive thing for her to say to me,” is how Ashley responds and I think she is correct. I’m unmarried and not a parent, so while I can see Ashley and Dennis’ relationship is unhealthy for Izzy (as Ashley can see too), it doesn’t mean breaking up a family is easy or something someone does rashly.

Ashley further sucks me in to loving her when she admits, “I’ve never made a decision based solely on what I wanted…”. I think there are many women who feel the same way about their lives, even if they won’t admit it on national television.

Ashley continues, “A lot of it is hard for me to deal with…That’s why I get defensive…I can’t survive on a daily basis if I focus on the struggles that I have…”. Amen! That is my life too. Just got to keep on moving, right? I think everyone is there, though levels of struggles are very different for all people.

Happy turns a bitchy-corner and seems like someone I could grow to like when she tell Ashley, “Right now, I feel like I understand where your’e coming from”. Ashley cries and hugs are given all around. Heartwarming stuff, but will it last? We shall see.

Grayson, Louis’ friend, pulls Nelson into the pool with him. Ashley jumps in and everyone else joins the pool part of the party. Grayson seems like he should be on the show too!

Now it’s BOYS ONLY (are we 10? I would not be cool with this if it was my boyfriend unless it was a pre planned boys night out…if I’m a female and I wanna come, I will) are going to the bar. We see shots of party time in da club. Daniel drops it loooowwww.

Then there’s Nelson droppin’ it with his hands. One more reason why I want to go out dancing with Nelson so bad! If you’re ever in Vancouver, Nelson, hit me up and I’ll take you to a fun hip hop club.

“You don’t have to be everything for everybody,” Hannah says to a haaaammmmed Ashley. Hannah is such a lecturer and so bitchy. Ahhh! Ashley starts barfing all over herself.

Now for the most shocking part of the episode with Louis and Hannah’s much talked-about Dad speaks for himself when he should have kept his mouth shut. Alcohol is dangerous people! That’s why I can’t touch it. Truth serum is something you’ve got to watch out for, because alcohol can make a negative spin one’s entire reality. I’m hoping that Hannah’s dad, David, was just in a particularly negative mood that night.

Louis tells Hannah’s dad she is brilliant and basically professes his love for his (Hannah’s dad’s) daughter (Hannah). Hannah’s dad then says, “I can’t tell them (Hannah and her sisters) I was never in love with her (their mom and his ex-wife)” along with “never force anything”. Okay that is a lot to digest for me, and I’m just a viewer. Hannah’s mom doesn’t deserve to be talked about this way. It’s weird, it’s like why’d you stay with a woman you were never in love with? How was she supposed to know that? Did she know that?

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(I bet Hannah started crying when she watched this episode for the first time…I would)

Louis admits, “I’m totally confused. I don’t know why he is saying that to be”. Hannah’s dad is messed up…”I was never in love with her (Hannah’s mom)” is repeated multiple times to Louis while they’re at the bar.

Louis isn’t the same as Hannah’s dad, as Louis maintains, “I love Hannah. She’s my best friend. I don’t take that for granted”. I like Louis.

Nelson and Ashley are driving together. She brings up how Happy and the girls genuinely tried to understand her, and she’s thankful since, “It’s hard to be vulnerable with people when you feel like they don’t really care” Yes, that is so true. I can’t let down my guard if I feel like someone has already judged me.

The next day, Hannah’s dad, David, is on his deck. It’s funny how her dad got the drunkest,  not the wild young partygoers.

Her dad looks guilty on the porch. Hannah is teary eyed while talking about Louis’ supposed faults again to her dad, ‘I really need him (Louis) to just like step it up…I feel like we’re jusr kind of floating out here in this weird space. It’s kind of funny, but sometimes i’m just like come on man”. Again, Hannah is misdirecting her anger. Focus on your fucking douche dad. He is the one who disgraces you and your family by speaking like that.

This episode was nuts…and I’m getting deeper and deeper into these people’s lives as the season goes on. Since I watch reality TV to escape, that is a good thing. This show is shaping up to contend with the original Southern Charm.

SOUTHERN CHARM SAVANNAH RECAP: Nelson Seems Genuine/Ashley Loses My Sympathy (At Least Temporarily)

During the intro recap from the previous weeks episodes, the racial or religious slur Nelson uses (my impression is that it’s against Jewish people) is highlighted, so I’m guessing Nelson apologizing is going to be one of the focuses this week.

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(Movie poster for Woody Allen’s Hannah and Her Sisters)

Hannah and Her Sisters! Ha…I’m 33 and I’ve seen the Woody Allen film. It’s a good one. For all of you out there who are too young to know what I’m talking about, sorry as this reference has likely been lost on you through no fault of your own. Anyways, Hannah’s sisters show up. I see they’re the aggressive hugger type girls. Like if I was in a cafe or restaurant and I see a bubble of females like this I’ll actively avoid them, oftentimes just to decrease the chances of having to listen to a high pitched squeal while avoiding being hit in the head by one of many failing arms that are about to go into a hug. So Hannah’s three sisters are Hillary is the oldest, Hattie is the third sister, and Hyatt is the youngest.

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(Louis)

Louis’ (Hannah’s boyfriend-for those of you who don’t already know) is having his 29th bday this episode. Hannah is both realistic and that irritating desperate to grow up girl when she says Louis wants to be 17. She calls herself a cradle robber. I’m not sure of their age difference, but I think Hannah is saying this more metaphorically, because Louis is too juvenile. He seems like a pretty decent boyfriend to me. Boring, but decent.

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(Throwback pic of Hannah and her sisters)

Hannah and her sisters are shown sitting around bitching about their parents divorce and their dad’s “awful girlfriends when they (Hannah’s parents) first split up”. They make some fun of a girlfriend who OH DEAR GOD! dared to wear a leopard print dress. I am a fan of leopard print. Yes, it is tacky, but tacky can be fun. And Hannah and her sisters seem like Yuppie tightwads to me for the most part.

Hannah then shares with the camera/audience that 2 years after her parents divorce (Hannah’s Dad cheated and it crushed her), Hannah found out Dad getting engaged to someone she hadn’t even met. She was told by someone who was eating at a restaurant she was working at, and she can’t remember actually being told because she thinks she blocked it out. Oh, what trauma you’ve been through poor Hannah!

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(This is Hannah as a kid. Can this version please come out to play again? Diva.)

It would be hard to accept that your parent isn’t who you think they are, but Hannah should consider the signs she missed rather than focusing on her Mom’s story that they were dancing on the back deck a week or so before he left (a story I remember Hannah telling earlier this season) and blaming everything on her dad. Is Hannah’s mom perfect? Based on how uppity she acts towards Louis (that being said I would be pissed about Ashley stripping down to see-through lingerie in front of my boyfriend too), Hannah might be recreating the scenario her parents experienced by trying to keep Louis on too-tight of a leash.

Nelson’s mom, Linda, is a gem. There were multiple times when she is talking to Nelson that appears to be a very patient and kind person, and she seems to understand that people’s criticism of Nelson is not coming out of nowhere. “Oooh chile, this boys been work!” is what I think his mama wants the audience (and people of Savannah) to know.

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(Nelson and his mom Linda)

Nelson and his mother go to a restaurant called Ms. Wilke to eat some Southern food with others. Nelson doesn’t fit in, and so I love him, is what I’m reminded of every time I see him try to be relaxed, or blend in with the other “norms” of Savannah. Nelson is too big for that city! He is waiting to break out. He needs to get any proclivities towards lying out of his system, and learn which words are offensive in 2017 not 1917, but he also is special. I am weird and awkward too, and so Nelson’s need to overanalyze and generally be a hilarious freak make me a fan of his.

After Nelson shares with his mom how the rest of the cast is mad at him, specifically Daniel, for the slur he used, even though Nelson claims he had no idea it was offensive , she tells Nelson that, “We do need to be responsible for what comes out of our mouths”. Educational moment happening right there. These moments may be far and few between on reality TV, but they are there for us to learn from those who do know more than us. Nelson’s mom also tells him of his error, “You have to own that”  and that after he apologizes to Daniel, he should say, “Let’s shake hands please”. This is a wonderful way to apologize. And Linda couldn’t help but include that it’s “not the first time his (Nelson’s) mouth has gotten him in trouble. His Mom’s face when drinking the iced tea gave me some insight into what it would be like to raise a Nelson. Hilarious!

Catherine tells her friend she worked it out with Ashley and that while this is good for the time being, but she’ll see if either mess up. The outlook is kind of bleak on that one.

Louis says, “When I first met Hannah, she was like, I have three sisters…”. This was initially a big deal, but now he’s got all her sisters on his team and it’s great.

Daniel has a crush on Hattie (the only blond of the four sisters). Daniel thinks she has a great ass. They didn’t hook up this episode, but it seems like it is on the horizon.

Louis makes fun of Hannah and calls her a mom to her sisters and they all laugh. So at least myself and Hannah’s boyfriend and sisters are all on the same page.

Catherine and what-his-face, oh yeah, Lyle, go on a date. Mini golf. Wow the non-existent passion is so not intense. Catherine recoils at Lyle’s touch. She is never going to be IN LOVE with Lyle (yes, this is just my OPINION).

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(Catherine and T-Rav: Southern Charmers)

He says it takes a lot of self confidence to be with Catherine. She has always been flirty according to Lyle. About Catherine’s flirting, Lyle says, “It is the most innocent. I know who she loves. I know where she’s coming at night”. I don’t know about that, but if Lyle is confidence in his position they will probably be happy for a long time. Usually, when I’ve seen and known super flirty it rarely stops at flirting alone, especially when alcohol is a part of the picture.

Hannah and her sisters set up for Louis’s birthday party. An oyster roast is happening because it’s Louis’ favourite thing. FYI: Catherine, who goes out boating with Daniel before the party, has more chemistry with Daniel than with Lyle.

Ashley shows up to Louis’ 29th with her tits out (yes!!!) and a hot purple dress on. Sadly, Dennis, Ashley’s husband and their son Isaac aren’t in this episode–tragic). Nelson shows up too.

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(Happy…right?)

Ewww…Flashback to Happy at Catherine’s dinner party, “How long does it take to get there?”. I agree with the point Happy is making, but EWW her voice is so stuck-up and annoying. She’s annoyed me since the first second I heard her speak in the first episode. But, considering the family and belief systems she’s been raised with, I do respect her decision to go against her family’s racist views and marry a Muslim person.

Bad oysters. Yuck. Finally Catherine and Daniel arrive to the party. I love Catherine’s move to pull off her rain pants and reveal a dress. That is totally something I’d do. Catherine is blah to me for the most part, but she entertained me, for a second, there.

These people’s version of a wild party is shotgunning beer. Hmm. Pretty tame, I’d say.

“I’ll think about it in, like, a couple drinks…” Happy is a bitch through and through.

Ashley goes to put on her bathing suit. I wanna see! Her body is banging. Sidenote: how does Ashley maintain her body? It probably requires work or very little food to look that good.

Nelson is feeling ostracized and his mouth tastes like some weird chemical name “paint”. Nelson is so funny with the out-of-left-field things he says. Spinoff idea: Ashley and Nelson Do Europe. Nelson’s style is not always as advanced as I imagine it to be. The washed out jeans with a belt and light blue polo shirt are outdated. Nelson goes and grabs Daniel to start the apology train.

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(Nelson and OG Southern Charmer Kathryn…fun peeps)

Nelson: “Thank-you for telling me that-the word that you told me about- was actually an offensive word because I did not know that when I said that. Please forgive me”. Good so far. Daniel then says, “I appreciate your apology now that you know the definition of the word”. Nelson is 32. I like that I’m only a year older than him. I wish we could be friends. I’d be we’d share some laughs.

Nelson is either a really good liar or very sincere (I feel like someone on the show said almost the same thing about Nelson this episode or last, too), because I totally bought his apology.

Catherine is very privileged and states, “I have learned to appreciate the old Savannah traditions”. She also says, “You never want to be excluded from something because you didn’t know how”.

Yeah, but most people don’t know how not because they’re unwilling to try but because they can’t afford what it costs to test out new activities and sports. Catherine, you might like to grab the bull by the horns, but those horns are so readily available to grab because of the history of slavery you are ok with your family and yourself continuing to profit from. Therefore, it annoys me that Catherine is talking like this to hype herself up as adventurous and willing to learn new things when her privilege is so wrapped-up in how she expresses these aspects of her personality.

Big Cat and Catherine arrive at this dressy event (all female bridge tournament) with lots of white women. Scenes like this make me scared and panicky when I imagine being put in this scenario. Thankfully, I don’t have to take part in scenarios like these really since my life ain’t about that, so I can just enjoy it from the outside in.

Ashley, the “harlot” in terms of her character type on the show and her portrayal, shows up to play bridge with the other women.

Ashley starts winning the game. Ashley asks Hannah to come out in the courtyard with her. What Ashley brings up came out of nowhere for me. If you don’t already know, last week Hannah met with a dressmaker to start working on her own line.

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(l to r: Ashley, Happy, Catherine, and Hannah during brighter times)

Ashley says, “The number one rule in business is you don’t step on people’s toes. She mentions to me about your dress line, I’m like, are you kidding me? I feed my child by doing fashion design and for you to go to someone else and not to me. It’s just one more thing to make me feel like I have the plague.” That is taking things way too personally Ashley. Hannah brought up how she felt to Ashley. Ashley played 100% victim card, and didn’t appear to listen to where Hannah was coming from.

Hannah looked bad during the one scene, but now Ashley looks like the fool here who is pushing way too hard to have a reason to hate-on Hannah.

To Ashley’s questioning of why Hannah didn’t go to fashionista Ashley, Hannah replies, “First of all, why do I need to tell you?”.

Ashley says, “It’s just common courtesy to mention it. Like that’s a big deal”.

As Happy eavesdrops on Hannah and Ashley’s convo, Happy says, “like my blood is boiling”. Yeah, because you’re a cunty bitch Happy.

Ashley adds this hilarious line when speaking about working for Delta airlines for 5 hours twice a week, “Sometimes I’ve even cleaned the toilet, but that has nothing to do with my styling career”. Touche!

Hannah kinds of shuts Ashley down by pointing out Hannah works for a trucking company and doesn’t think she is superior to Ashley.

“You’re about to have a rude awakening you know,” Ashley threatens Hannah.

“You sound super supportive right now. Thank-you,” is Hannah’s comeback to Ashley.

“You’re not going to talk over me, Ashley…I’m not afraid of you.” Hannah is about to start a Royal Rumble.

“I’m out. I’m going inside.” Ashley leaves…but then come back. They are going to work this out once and for all tonight (suuuuurreee they are). Both women agree to stop bitching about the other to other people. We’ll see if this happens.

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(Ashley is a very beautiful woman)

Hannah goes in and bitches to Catherine. Ashley smokes outside kind of being painted in a Cruella Devil-ian light.

 

 

SOUTHERN CHARM RECAP: Landon Surprises/Shep Sinks Lower

We see Thomas speaking to his bestie, the happily (it really does seem that way…I hope he’s not a cheater though) married father-of-four, JD about potential ladies T-Rav wants to wed. When the option of Landon comes up, JD says, “Of all the people in the universe, I don’t know if Kathryn would be real happy about that one.” JD really seems to get a kick out of all the unbelievable conundrums (to put it mildly) that Thomas gets himself into. I think JD loves Thomas and wants the best for him. But it also seems like JD is always entertained by these predicaments and JD wonders how Thomas can be surprised at the drama that surrounds him.

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(Landon, Thomas, and Jennifer…just friends? Step-mom Landon hmmm…)

Then we switch over to single, ripe-for-the-taking (if you can give Landon as many horses as she wants) Landon. She tells the camera that, “My Dad is a real estate developer. Everything he made is tangible, you can see it.” This is used to explain why he isn’t on board with Roam (new name please), and it’s lack of tangibility. The fact that the site can’t even claim its name definitely indicates that it’s likely to evaporate into thin air very quickly.

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(Landon and her ex husband)

Landon’s sweet dad tells her, “As a matter of fact, I’ve got a proposal for you”. Daddy offers Landon a 5 days a week job overseeing one of his development sites in Charleston, since he can’t be there to oversee it himself.

Instead of gratitude, Landon says, “This is a lot. I didn’t think that you were going to hit me with all this”. While a positive spin would be to say that Landon’s dad believes in her and is trying to give her a break with this job because he knows she can do it, Landon’s own mind (and maybe weak work ethic) makes her interpret his offer in a hurtful, condescending way.

Landon is sad her dad won’t acknowledge her site as a legitimate thing. Um, duh Landon, maybe that’s because even the most minor amount of research to see if your site name was available clearly wasn’t done effectively, if at all. About Roam Landon says, “It’s the first thing that I’ve ever done on my own as an adult that is just mine.” Landon says, “I want to do it on my own”.

I am not a fan of Landon in general, but her desire to be an independent woman and not take the easy way out did impress me this episode. I’ve never seen her clearly express that she knows it would be kind of pathetic to just fall into whatever fate offers her easy money to maintain her lifestyle.

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(One thing working for Landon is that she always looks good)

Landon knows it’d be easy to marry, but she says, “It’s kind of like giving up on myself. I’m betting on me”. I’m on TEAM LANDON then too in this instance!

Shep talks to Cameran about wanting to get married and the topic of Chelsea is brought up. “I think you’re scared of being vulnerable,” Cameran says to Shep and I agree wholeheartedly. Shep hasn’t worked enough and he feels like an unfulfilled loser because of it. I hate that work is necessary to feel good, but I’ve got to do something to feel ok about myself.

SC SHEP ROSE TALKING

(Shep seems to be full of shit)

Cameran says that if Shep tells Chelsea he wants to get to know her a little better, she would stop dating Austen. This whole episode made me start to wonder if Chelsea might be a real good actress, she has had me fooled or she is a really sweet person who also seems down to earth, because maybe she is using Austen as a tool to see if Shep really will go for her. I’m not saying I don’t think Chelsea doesn’t like Austen at all, I think there is a playful attraction there, but maybe in her gut Chelsea was hoping she’d be the one to change 37 year-old perma-child Shep Rose. I’ve done it myself and paid for it with my heart and sanity.

I think that men don’t change for you. Men can change, but it has to always start from somewhere inside I think, even if a change coincides with the meeting of a new potential dating partner. I don’t know if Shep’ll ever really be there, because to his detriment, money makes it so easy to not do anything.

“Is there any hope for Shepster?” Chelsea about Shep. The forecast is bleak on that one.

Austen and Chelsea. Asks her to meet his parents. Chelsea agrees. Either Chelsea is heartless, or Shep isn’t someone she’s secretly holding out for. It is NOT COOL to meet someone’s parents if you’re not in love with them. That’s just mean and misleading.

Austen and Chelsea are shown talking in a vehicle together. Chelsea says to Austen, “Shep did something really weird. And I’ve been torn if I should tell you or not. I feel like if roles were reversed I’d want you to tell me…he came to the back of the bar, he like grabbed my arm, and he was like I wanna talk to you…he immediately turns around and goes in to kiss me. He tried two or three times.”

“It is a cheap sly move,” is how Austen describes what Shep is said to have done.

SC jennifer landon austen cameran and chelsea

(Jennifer, Landon, Austen, Cameran and Chelsea)

Chelsea adds to how bad what Shep supposedly did by saying, “And you being inside the bar”.

“I just feel like that took some nerves,” is Chelsea’s final point (for now) on the topic. Chelsea also says Shep said everyone knows they have something special, and that Austen has a better connection with Landon. Landon is a flirt, and, no, I don’t think her and Austen have a connection.

Then there is a boys bar night. Before the Whitney and Shep arrive, Austen starts telling Craig about what Chelsea says happened.

Shep arrives at the drinking spot and Austen says, “I can’t believe he’s (Shep’s) able to act like nothing happened.”

SC austen shep

(Shep and Austen going at it)

Craig calls Shep out directly for his jealousy and of course Shep, the juvenile, denies the obvious. Austen brings up Chelsea’s story. Asks Shep if there is anything he wants to reveal. “Do you not think you were wrong in that?” Austen asks Shep. Shep claims he was doing it to protect Austen and to make sure Chelsea is genuinely into Austen. It was an act of kindness supposedly. Ridiculous.

“Craig, I am no lothario my friend,” Shep says in defense of these accusations.

Shep gets angry. “I gave you the chance to admit you’re doing somebody 500 times”. Oh, so Shep is still mad that Austen won’t open up about him and Chelsea. On this one area I’ll acknowledge Shep does have a point, because Austen hid his shit so Shep can kind of do that now too, but only to a degree, not to behave in a sexually aggressive manner like Chelsea described.

Shep points out Cameran keeps encouraging him to go after Chelsea. “Sometimes my maleness gets the better of me.” This is messed-up. Shep is kind of insinuating that his masculinity is so powerful that he couldn’t help but push way too far and grab Chelsea. That is the kind of thought process that has led people to justify sexual assaults, and therefore it repulses me. Shep then says, “Do you really think that I’d make someone go out with me? Maybe she likes me.”

SC CRAIG drinking wine

(Craig enjoys his chablis)

“Austen is really forcing this mirror in Shep’s face tonight,” is Craig accurately notes, and adds about Shep, “It’s really hard to look into that mirror and see someone you don’t like”. I think Craig loves Shep, but Shep was too critical of Craig, and I’d feel like Craig too, and a bit happy to see my friend judged after treating me poorly in the past. Immature? Yes. But I ain’t perfect.

Shep further acts a fool when we see a flashback where he says to Austen about Austen’s hook-up with Chelsea, “She went slumming with you. She wanted to see what a little blue collar was like”. Seriously Shep needs to stop drinking, because comments like that will always come out if you’re hammed.

Whitney keeps standing up for Shep, but this isn’t a shocker, as I think Whitney would stand-up for whomever he is closest to rather than even think about how is right or wrong in the situation. Blind loyalty is a little much for me.

The other friend at the bar (who isn’t a cast member) tells Shep what Austen said about him. Shep denies it. Austen says to Shep, “You have alluded to it a couple times. You said you don’t have enough money for her bro. Words out of your mouth”. Scott Disick from Keeping up with the Kardashians and Shep are kind of similar alcoholics in my opinion.

“You’re on very thin ice with me,” Shep says to Austen and he ends with the classic line,”You do you. I’ll do me. I don’t care I’ve got a million friends”.

You hear that, everybody? Shep is the most popular boy in school, I mean in life. Finally, “Let it go, man,” is what Whitney says to Austen. Shut up, Whitney, you’re an annoying bitch sometimes.

SC Thomas kathryn red hair early episode

(Thomas and Kathryn once upon a time…)

Thomas brings Kensie to the mommy-and-me modelling shoot with Kathryn. You can tell the parents are really trying, but they’re also tentative. Kensie looks really happy and they look like they have a future in modelling. At the end of the scene, Kensie doesn’t want to leave and keeps trying to get into her mother’s vehicle. It is sad as Kensie is crying a lot and eventually Thomas takes her and buckles her into her car seat. I definitely felt like I was contributing to traumatizing a child by watching that scene. Watching this unfold is too much and Kathryn goes inside and starts crying. Chelsea and the modelling agency woman comfort her. I want to see fun, snarky Kathryn and I hope her wit comes out as the season progresses. Right now, Kathryn’s scenes are too depressing.

SC kathryn saint kensie cute pic red

(l to r: Saint, Kathryn, and Kensie)

Chelsea and Cameran hang out. Chelsea tells Cameran Shep was trying to say it wasn’t his fault (his way too pushiness with Chelsea at the bar) because Cameran is always in his ear. Cameran admits that, “Maybe it is selfish of me because I love you both, and I want y’all to be together”.

“You see his lifestyle. As a friend, you shouldn’t want me to be…” Chelsea trails off. I’ll end the sentence myself “…with him”. Yep.

“He (Shep) gets away with it. I know so many guys like that…at some point, that can’t happen anymore” Chelsea about guys like Shep. Dead on! School him, please. This scene made me believe Chelsea isn’t orchestrating, or playing a role in, the drama around her, and that she really sees Shep for the entitled playboy he chooses to be at the present time. Cameran decides she is going to go chew him out.

SC craig naomie white

(Craig and Naomie during happier times…big ups to them for doing relationship work with a counsellor…my partner and I have too and it helps I think)

The therapy session between Craig and Naomie reminded me of fights between my boyfriend and I! He works in our apartment making music a lot, if he didn’t spend so much time on music I don’t think I’d find him an attractive partner (he has music is on reality TV show that airs on MTV2, so he gets legit jobs composing), but the current record he is working on will not pay out until his friend and him complete it and send it in to Music BC.

He also works in a restaurant, but I’ve been doing 8 hour shifts away from home 3-4 days of the week, and when I wake up and he sleeps in with the blinds drawn while I’m up and outside, I can harp on him for it. Seeing how Naomie talks to Craig though it reminds me that even if my frustration is justified, putting your partner down will only further de-motivate them and it won’t help life them up. So what I took away from this episode is that I need to stop dumping on my boyfriend.

Shep and Cameran meet up. Cameran says, “Well I think we’re going to have to save the love doll for somebody else”. That doll is cool though. I want one!

“I saw a bright, shiny object like a fish,” is how Shep describes Chelsea and the temptation to go after her.

SC shep and cameran laughing together

(Shep and Cameran weren’t laughing during their final convo this week)

“Do you not think that there is any part of you that is jealous of him?” Cameran asks.

“Just admit that you care. Oh my god. I call bullshit,” Cameran calls Shep out and it is satisfying as a viewer to see the TRUTH spelled out for Shep loud and clear. Grow up, please.

Until next time…

WHAT HAPPENS AT THE ABBEY: Heidi Montag, What, What?

As much as I wanted to not want to watch What Happens at the Abbey I caved tonight, and, as per usual, I am now getting more into the Show.

First there’s Daniel and Ashlee’s cooking session at Ashlee’s place. Daniel is my favourite character so far. He seems geeky and like he’s not as a fakeass as some others. It’s clear that Ashlee isn’t used to guys doing anything other than blushing and doing whatever she asks in her presence. I like that Daniel doesn’t just flatter her ego the whole time.

I want to see more DANIEL!

Ashlee eventually becomes infuriated with the date, and says, “Daniel is dumb as a brick.”

“You’re not very nice, are you?” Daniel says in response. Go boy! Yes, I am a lifelong awkward girl, so I always get some satisfaction when a beautiful girl gets shut down a bit.

“Me doing some charity work at this point” Ashlee is another description she uses for her date(?) with Daniel. I don’t think either of these people thought it was a date or have any chemistry.

Daniel’s strength with women I think is that he’s not intimidated by their beauty. It seems like he knows that lots of hot girls are arrogant, so he refuses to further hype-up beautiful ladies’ egos (based on the little CA-COW/CO-COH cooking session with Ashlee).

Billy knows what he’s good for and that’s taking that shirt off” Kyle about Billy while Billy takes his shirt off in front of Marissa’s Mom. I think her mom has good instincts and she can tell Kyle is a player. I get that feeling, too. I like that she let him sweat, because he is interested in her daughter, so it’s only right a mom should make a “suitor” sweat.

Ha! Marissa and her Mom were really cute. I like her mom alot! My Mom, my sister, Nat, and I were all total celeb stalkers during my childhood, so I totally relate to the storyline where Marissa gets embarrassed by her mom when they’re at The Abbey and reality tv dynasty Heidi Montag is there.

Aww, of course sweet Heidi tells Marissa to, “Follow your dreams”. Heidi might be cray-cray, but she’s sweet, too. So weird to see her out for a night without Spencer. Where’s he hiding?

“Heidi Montag is literally everything.” Marissa says about Heidi. Heidi is pretty awesome and a pioneer in the reality tv genre.

Lawrence then wants to tell his father that he is having a baby with Brandi: “We have to break the news to him that we are starting a family”.

“We HAVE to” says it all. Shouldn’t it be exciting to tell your family if they’re supportive?

Divorce. Lawrence parents forced the kids to choose when they got divorce. My sister and I were involved in an ugly custody battle (my sister had to testify in court against my Dad, but I didn’t testify, just wrote a letter the judge read) and it has had a permanent effect on me in that I still am recovering from emotional trauma inflicted during that time (I do think I’ve improved so much though). Lawrence says his parents were breaking up and at the airport going in two different directions. His parents told him and his brother to choose. He says his brother choose his father, then his brother grabbed Lawrence to come with him. Heartbreaking, and the saddest part of all, “I saw my Mom go in the opposite direction”. That’s a sad story. Custody battles are cruel towards the children first and foremost.

Lawrence tells his Dad, “We’re going to have a baby. You will be a grandfather.”

Brandi: “I’m also gay.”

His dad asks, “What if you decided that you go separate ways?”

Brandi then says, “I don’t feel like it would happen….I wouldn’t up and move somewhere else.”

I love what Lawrence dad says! His dad tells them, “This is like remarkable. Thank-you. You couldn’t have done anything more to honour me.” Lawrence’s Dad to Lawrence and Brandi. Everyone starts crying.

Whoa. I’m so pessimistic.

Brandi then says about Lawrence’s dad, “He (Lawrence) was finally able to get over a bridge that he feel like he burnt with his father” is what Brandi says about the pregnancy. To play devil’s advocate this repairing of a burnt bridge is kind of insane if Lawrence felt like he had to atone for being gay. If the only reason his father was disappointed he was gay is because he couldn’t have kids with another man then that’s ok. But if his dad truly hated Lawrence being gay and that is something Lawrence still puts on himself as a bridge he burnt and needed to repair, well then I think his dad should realize Lawrence has done nothing wrong or disappointing in being gay.

UPDATE: I tweeted my article to Lawrence and he read it.He tweeted in response to my tweet, “Thanks for the review! Just want it to be clear that my father has never been disappointed in me”. and “I was disappointed in myself for not having the courage to come out to him face2face, he found out from someone else”. 

Glad we cleared that up! I was wrong and Lawrence’s dad never held Lawrence being gay against him. Lawrence’s dad is pretty cool!

 

 

SOUTHERN CHARM SAVANNAH: Issac Steals the Spotlight and ASHLEY’S MARRIAGE WHOA

On this episode of Southern Charm Savannah, Ashley tells her shockingly quiet husband Dennis, “I mentioned to her (the psychic) about us. She felt perhaps you and I weren’t soulmates. I don’t know if that’s real not real. Maybe I’m standing in your way of finding someone.”

It’s obvious Ashley is the one bored in this relationship who wants someone new. I’m not sure why she is deflecting and putting it on her husband Dennis, who seems into being the bitch in this weird relationship. It’s painful to watch Dennis. I hope Dennis gets his groove back eventually.

“I’m glad she made you feel better” is what Ashley’s husband Dennis says to her when she tells him what the psychic, was in their house to cleanse bad energy from the room that Ashley and Dennis’ hilarious son Isaac was in when his bed caught on fire.

Ashley admits to the camera that, “The lack of romance is really hard for me and it’s lonely”. I bet it would be if she’s celibate and not experiencing enough intimacy.

Dennis also says, “I’m also not going to take relationship advice from the psychic.”

Ashley later says to the camera, “I don’t think Dennis hears me and that breaks my heart.” Yeah, like it sucks for Dennis, but why stay married to someone who doesn’t want you, Dennis? Grow some balls. I know it’s not that easy though.

DUBAI! Ashley then says to the camera, “I want to talk and Dennis doesn’t talk. Dennis got remarried so we could all go to Dubai together. You can’t live in a household together without being married. We didn’t want to split up our family again.” That explains a lot more. I really, really appreciate Ashley’s honesty.

Finally, Ashley says, “It’s hard because I wish it were okay.” At least Ashley doesn’t pretend it is ok. But for the sake of Isaac, their adorable son, who I think is very aware of the unhappy situation his parents are in, and that is why he says the food is poison and was being silly but also bratty when in front of the cameras.

Issac made me laugh out loud! He’s cute, and I like how he challenges his parents by showing them he’s not going to take part in any sort of silly charade. A child shouldn’t see his father feel so low in a relationship. Dennis’ confidence seems non-existent, which is sad. Dennis, you’re an attractive guy.

REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK CITY: Tinsley Mortimer’s Mom Dale Is Harsh About Weight

(The above picture is of Tinsley, her mom Dale, and her sister Dabney Mercer)

So Tinsley took it a few steps deeper tonight by having her mom Dale (who is alive and very pulled-together) and her father (who was cremated in a wood box in the episode) share her screen time.

Whoa. Once Tinsley starts talking to her Mom about her childhood, she talks about coming home from camp and if she was skinny her Mom would give her a huge hug and act really happy to see her, but if she was bigger her Mom would limply hug her and show disappointment.

That sucks. While I was never really hot in high school because I ate too much food and didn’t exercise for most of high school, but I’m glad my Mom didn’t tell me to lose weight. Society and my own brain were pressure enough.

Dale, Tinsley’s Mom, looks incredible, since she must be in her 60s, so I respect her game in terms of maintaining her looks, but I wonder if she’ll maintain a facade at any and all costs.

I wanna know what Tinsley’s mom Dale said when Tinsley got arrested.

WHAT HAPPENS AT THE ABBEY: Anytime A Guy Talks Like This I Think “Rapist Alert”, But He’s Probably Just Douchey and Harmless

Kyle What Happens At the Abbey

(Kyle Clarke–more pics can be found at E online)

When Kyle Clarke is talking about the Abbey newbie Marissa Chykirda he says, “She hasn’t been passed around, so this is a good time to swoop-in”. Oh, so you’d be grossed-out if she’d been with other men at the Abbey? It doesn’t sound like this is his first time to the rodeo, so why the heck is he chasing down this girl and talking about her like this? Like, if she does fuck 5 guys is she now a throwaway human being because of that? When one’s attraction to a female is based on how innocent or virginal she appears, something often only attainable during youth, it makes me think the guy is way too macho and needs to expand his mind when it comes to female sexuality and what is sexy.

Marissa Chykirda

(Marissa Chykirda (above) is a very beautiful young woman learning how to serve V.I.P. in the first episode. She asks Tori Spelling for a selfie in addition to other no-nos. Once while I worked at a place called The Naam in Vancouver I served Sarah Silverman. As I seated her party, I asked her if I could get a pic with her once she was done dinner. She said yes and the pic was awesome. So you don’t always get in trouble for asking someone for their pic, but I also didn’t care about my job so much that if I did get in trouble I’d be devastated).

Cory Zwierzynski what happens at the abbey

(Cody Zwierzynski…just a pretty boy to me as of yet)

Boy drama! Murray Swanby and Cory Zwierzynski. I want to know more about these guys. It seems like Cory might use his super-good-looks to get tons of guys attention, and then in response Murray is more of a self-conscious person and he gets triggered by being with a man like Cory who is always flaunting his sexual prowess in front of Murray. Murray drinks to deal with the stress. That’s just my guess, since it always takes two to tango.

Murray Swanby What Happens at the Abbey

(Murray Swanby…he seems cute and like he’ll be crazy but VERY endearing)

BUT based on the dialogue included on the show, the viewer is told by the other cast member, Brandi Andrews, that “Murray is kind of a mess…sober Murray is nowhere to be found.” She also tells Cory to “Be the bigger person”. Is Murray all to blame?

Brandi Andrews What Happens AT the ABbey

(Brandi Andrews seems like a straight-up type of person…so far)

There was the other dramatic flair-up of the fight between Lawrence Carroll and his female heterosexual friend, who seems to have been under the impression that he was going to father her a child. He yells at her, “You’re not going to be the mother of my child” and that he doesn’t want any “douchebag dude trying to be around my kids”. Lawrence apparently wants Brandi to have his baby, and he will parent the child with Brandi and Brandi’s girlfriend.

Lawrence Carroll What Happens At the Abbey

(Lawrence Carroll likes to hold the power of his sperm over other’s heads…or so it seems)

I dislike men a lot also, so I can see where he is coming from, but it is a strange double-standard on the other hand. Is it bad to be straight? The girl he tells can’t have his baby starts crying a lot. Maybe she was just playing it up for the cameras. She says, “You’re putting this on me. This is your idea”. I’d think  my friend was mean if he offered to be my baby daddy and then says it can’t happen in front of reality tv cameras. It’s all part and parvel of the realtiy TV game I guess (or I know).

I like Kim Senser a lot and I find her really relatable. She is perfect looking and gorgeous, but she shared some details about herself that make me think she’s mind kind of girl. I’m a super jealous person. Strangely enough, in the past I’d choose to date guys who were openly players, while I’d always be monogamous with them (they didn’t ask me to be, I’m just not good at playing), so I’d always end up sending up to 100 texts some nights when I’d get ditched and the guy was with some other young lady.

Anyways, Kim says she’s super jealous and I like that she admits this, because most people I’ve ever been around all claim they never experience jealousy and act like it’s so pathetic. It’s pretty ingrained in us I think to feel jealousy, especially because in small doses it is a sign of self-respect. I deserve to be treated well and am not embarrassed to feel frustrated if I’ve felt a guy I’m fucking favours some other girl over me.

I’ve never done sneaky stuff because I’m pretty  much a full-on aggressive person when angry, so I won’t do hidden things, but she says she’s snuck on to a guy’s Facebook and slept outside a guy house for the night before in her vehicle and he doesn’t know that. Juicy! Good work, Kim. You might actually gain some fans since you get that in order to be interesting on reality TV you’ve got to be willing to convincingly reveal some unflattering things about yourself.

Didn’t think I’d like this show for first 40 minutes of episode, but reality TV sucked me in again!