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Hanging Out with My Boyfriend and My Ex

Never thought I’d type that as an article title. Last night I felt like I was living a scene out of a reality TV show.

I’ll provide some background, 7 years ago to the exact day I started working at a restaurant in Vancouver that’s been open for 50 plus years. My first night at work I met a guy who I’ll call Joe. He started openly hitting on me as he does with basically all women that he meets. I remember specifically saying, “We should never been in a room alone together”. I thought he was attractive but I also felt like he seemed like a huge asshole. The prototypical bad boy. It took a few months for me to cave and start hooking up with him. I was so lonely at the time. It’d been a year and a half since I’d hooked up with anyone.

Joe was a player that was even more fucked-up than I imagined. After we hooked up for the first time he invited me over to his place in the morning. Once I arrived, this girl who I thought was his ex was there on his bed (clothed thankfully) and his male friend. They were all high on coke. Joe started rolling around on the bed with his male friend and trying to touch the girl. He then tried to come sit on the couch (aka which was really a backseat from a van) where I was and touch me. I wasn’t feeling it. Since it was early in the morning and they’d been up on coke all night, they passed out shortly after I got there. I made my quiet exit. Clearly that would have been more than enough to make a confident person walk away, but I wasn’t confident at the time. I was pulled in even more. I would make this guy like me.

The hook-ups with Joe continued. I became increasingly obsessed with him while he flaunted having sex with other girls and critiquing every part of my appearance in a negative manner. At work, he would yell at me and treat me like shit. And yet, I kept coming back for me. I wasn’t an innocent in all this. I was emotionally abusive myself. After he’d ditch me to go hang out with another girl I’d text him endless insults and harass him. We were both behaving in psychotic ways.

After months of conflict and continuing to hook-up, we got in an epic fight. Joe threw me down on his bed and put all his weight on top of me, without realizing my left wrist was being bent back. My wrist was sprained. I had never been in a physically abusive relationship before. Yet, this restaurant I was working at represented the first community I felt like I was a part of in Vancouver. I didn’t want to leave this community behind in order to stop being around Joe. Eventually, after a trip to the hospital for a night after a mental breakdown, I stopped all communication with Joe outside of work. Months after I had stopped seeing or texting him he yelled at me in front of the packed restaurant. That was the last shift I worked there. I quit and Joe stayed on.

My current boyfriend, Ian, also works at the same restaurant. I never hooked up with him until I quit working at the restaurant, but part of what helped me quit is that I felt like something could start with Ian and that made me excited and hopeful. I’ve been with Ian for 6 years now. I definitely don’t regret quitting the restaurant. I have a job I love that challenges me and is not in the restaurant industry.

Well, last night my boyfriend went to work and then he started texting me that the manager (who he was also in a band with and who he’s been friends with for over 20 years) told him that Joe smashed the Buddha statue at work and broke its finger off and lost it and quit the restaurant. Joe’s worked there for 17 years. Most people there have worked there for at least 10 years. People tend to stick around because there is a sense of community there that can be hard to find in Vancouver. But communities often have costs that come with being a part of the group.

By the time I picked my boyfriend up after work last night, he said that Joe had called him and was texting him. They’re not friends, but they have known each other for a long time. Joe was looking for some support.

We almost never hang out with Joe, but we invited him over since he lives a couple blocks away. Joe basically he said he reached his limit with another co-worker who likes to stir-up shit and he had to draw a line in the sand. He said he’s been working graves for this restaurant for 17 years and enough is enough, he can’t take it anymore.

This all led to Joe eventually apologizing for the circumstances surrounding how I quit the restaurant. He said sorry, which I’d never heard him say before. I also got an answer to a question I had always wondered about. The day I quit the restaurant 6 years ago, I went out to a bar that Ian and another co-worker (who Ian was fucking) were hanging out at. I had a crush on Ian but since he was hooking up with our co-worker, I didn’t know if anything would come of my crush and I didn’t think it was reciprocated.

I was sitting in the bar when Ian came down and sat beside me and said that the manager had called Ian to ask about me quitting. This made no sense since Ian wasn’t involved in the conflict between Joe and I. Apparently Joe told the manager to call Ian to find out why I quit. I was angry that Joe did this but also surprised. All of my feelings for Joe hadn’t been shared with anyone else. Joe had hit on me, but he was hitting on lots of people at that time–as he had just been brutally dumped by his girlfriend of 7 years. I was looking for someone that wanted to seriously date me. I didn’t want another Joe-like situation so I didn’t give in at that point to Ian’s advances.

Therefore, I was like, why the hell is Joe telling the manager to call Ian? What does Ian have to do with my quitting? Yes, in my mind part of what helped me quit was the hope something could happen with Ian (and I didn’t want to hook-up with a co-worker again), but how would Joe know that? I held on to that question for 6 years.

Finally, last night I asked Joe if he remembered telling the manager to call Ian after I quit 6 years ago. I explained I’d never hooked up with Ian at that point so what made Joe tell the manager to call Ian. Joe said that his dick is 4 inches but Ian’s is 5. Ian’s is bigger than 5. Ian is well-endowed but I’m not sure how Joe knows that. Anyways, to me this was Joe’s way of saying that he psychically or perceptively knew I was into Ian more than him when I quit. That’s kind of what I thought all along.

Last night was cathartic, because I apologized for being emotionally abusive. Joe apologized for doing things like taking a call from another fuck-buddy while in bed with me. That situation did really hurt me. I had to convince and beg him not to leave me and go pick up this other girl (who was supposedly walking the street in a short skirt drunk at dawn). My self-esteem was so low back then. I’m still not nearly as confident as I want to be, but observing Joe last night with his red-wine stained lips, greasy hair and bad B.O. reminded me of how far I’ve come. I didn’t feel attracted to Joe. I felt bad for him and like he hasn’t changed one bit. His rage issues are still running his life. It sounded more like he’s been fired from the restaurant than his initial claim that he quit. The apology helped though. It really did. Also, it made me love Ian more for helping Joe out in a time of need by letting him have us to talk to and for helping me let go of some past shit.

Too bad it wasn’t filmed, because it would have been quite entertaining I think!

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Taylor Swift and New Boyfriend Joe Alwyn: PICS TOGETHER!

DAILY MAIL LINK for more pics of T-Swift and her new boyfriend. All are poor quality though, but they’re something for you Tay-starved folks out there (and I know there’s lots of you). I’m a Tay fan too, but some of the stuff she does irritates the crap out of me.

Taylor Swift has finally decided she wants to be seen with her new boyfriend. They’re there, solid and ready to be out in full view.

And now…what?

This relationship already feels flat to me, because Joe Alwyn looks too sweet, too cute, and too innocent for Taylor Swift.

I have a feeling she’s going to need a little more excitement than what she’s getting with him, but there’s something there for the time being.

Taylor may simply be waiting on another.

 

HOT COUPLE ALERT: Joaquin Phoenix and Rooney Mara More Than a Rumour

I’ve been reading things here and there online, as you may also have been doing, for the last couple of months which suggest that Rooney Mara and Joaquin Phoenix were fucking and potentially super coupled-up on the down-low.

I guess they were because they finally stepped out as a couple at Cannes.

I think they’re both pretty hot! Crazy seeming too which always adds a flavour of excitement to the mix as in, “What’s going to happen with these two?”.

Rooney Mara Joaquin Phoenix same car Cannes

Rooney does appear pretty cold, but she won me over in her roles in Her, Carol, and especially Side Effects. Why didn’t people talk about Side Effects more when it came out? I like how Rooney perfectly embodied a female who is willing to manipulate the qualities about females that have typically been used to oppress women, such as the idea that we’re especially weak and vulnerable, and use it to her own advantage for evil means. I don’t want to give more away, because it will ruin the plot but check out Side Effects if you haven’t seen it. Channing Tatum, Catherine Zeta Jones, and Jude Law round out the cast. Side Effects is also film that takes a glaring look at the pharmaceutical industry. It examines how some mental health professionals take advantage of their power and operate as business people looking to profit from pharmaceutical companies rather than there to help their clients first and think about financial gain second.

Joaquin does do a good job of staying famous and still getting decent enough movies without ever letting the audience know too much about him. I’ve still never seen that documentary called I’m Still Here. I just tried again to find it on Pirate Bay today and there’s no downloads for it…too bad…I do really want to see it, even if it sucks just because of all the hype.

Phoenix made the doc with Casey Affleck (he has 2 kids, Indiana 12 and Atticus (oh wow, what a name) 8, with Phoenix’s sister Summer and they are now divorced), which I feel like is kind of an infamous film now since Affleck was accused of sexual harassment from other women who worked on the set of the documentary. According to IMDB the plot line of the documentary “Documenting Joaquin Phoenix’s transition from the acting world to a career as an aspiring rapper”. Hmm.

Joaquin Rooney cannes audience look

I first developed a big crush on Phoenix when I was a kid and I watched him as a 12 or 13 year-old in the film Parenthood. The film also has a young Keanu Reeves and Martha Plimpton. Anyways, Phoenix was really good and cute in the movie starring Steve Martin. I love him in The Master also, which co-starred Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Amy Adams. It’s supposed to be about L. Ron Hubbard (creator of Scientology if ya didn’t know). Of course, Walk the Line. They’re both actors that don’t seem to be desperately seeking constant attention from the public. That doesn’t mean their egos aren’t huge. I’m just saying because they don’t put it all out there, I am more curious about them, and what their personal lives are like.

Hope they’re having fun and I’m happy to look at pictures of the coupling Marix (it’s probably insulting to give them a couple name, but whatever) until they’re no more, unless of course they last forever.

BOBCAT KITTENS: Rescued From a Fire!

These little angels (BOBCAT KITTENS) were found underneath the steps of a house on fire in Calgary on Friday. The fire was put out, and the kittens are being rehabilitated at a wildlife preservation facility.

I totally think I would have thought they’re just extra cute, not wildlife animals, and want to keep them anyway, anyhow!

Adorable.

WHAT HAPPENS AT THE ABBEY: Anytime A Guy Talks Like This I Think “Rapist Alert”, But He’s Probably Just Douchey and Harmless

Kyle What Happens At the Abbey

(Kyle Clarke–more pics can be found at E online)

When Kyle Clarke is talking about the Abbey newbie Marissa Chykirda he says, “She hasn’t been passed around, so this is a good time to swoop-in”. Oh, so you’d be grossed-out if she’d been with other men at the Abbey? It doesn’t sound like this is his first time to the rodeo, so why the heck is he chasing down this girl and talking about her like this? Like, if she does fuck 5 guys is she now a throwaway human being because of that? When one’s attraction to a female is based on how innocent or virginal she appears, something often only attainable during youth, it makes me think the guy is way too macho and needs to expand his mind when it comes to female sexuality and what is sexy.

Marissa Chykirda

(Marissa Chykirda (above) is a very beautiful young woman learning how to serve V.I.P. in the first episode. She asks Tori Spelling for a selfie in addition to other no-nos. Once while I worked at a place called The Naam in Vancouver I served Sarah Silverman. As I seated her party, I asked her if I could get a pic with her once she was done dinner. She said yes and the pic was awesome. So you don’t always get in trouble for asking someone for their pic, but I also didn’t care about my job so much that if I did get in trouble I’d be devastated).

Cory Zwierzynski what happens at the abbey

(Cody Zwierzynski…just a pretty boy to me as of yet)

Boy drama! Murray Swanby and Cory Zwierzynski. I want to know more about these guys. It seems like Cory might use his super-good-looks to get tons of guys attention, and then in response Murray is more of a self-conscious person and he gets triggered by being with a man like Cory who is always flaunting his sexual prowess in front of Murray. Murray drinks to deal with the stress. That’s just my guess, since it always takes two to tango.

Murray Swanby What Happens at the Abbey

(Murray Swanby…he seems cute and like he’ll be crazy but VERY endearing)

BUT based on the dialogue included on the show, the viewer is told by the other cast member, Brandi Andrews, that “Murray is kind of a mess…sober Murray is nowhere to be found.” She also tells Cory to “Be the bigger person”. Is Murray all to blame?

Brandi Andrews What Happens AT the ABbey

(Brandi Andrews seems like a straight-up type of person…so far)

There was the other dramatic flair-up of the fight between Lawrence Carroll and his female heterosexual friend, who seems to have been under the impression that he was going to father her a child. He yells at her, “You’re not going to be the mother of my child” and that he doesn’t want any “douchebag dude trying to be around my kids”. Lawrence apparently wants Brandi to have his baby, and he will parent the child with Brandi and Brandi’s girlfriend.

Lawrence Carroll What Happens At the Abbey

(Lawrence Carroll likes to hold the power of his sperm over other’s heads…or so it seems)

I dislike men a lot also, so I can see where he is coming from, but it is a strange double-standard on the other hand. Is it bad to be straight? The girl he tells can’t have his baby starts crying a lot. Maybe she was just playing it up for the cameras. She says, “You’re putting this on me. This is your idea”. I’d think  my friend was mean if he offered to be my baby daddy and then says it can’t happen in front of reality tv cameras. It’s all part and parvel of the realtiy TV game I guess (or I know).

I like Kim Senser a lot and I find her really relatable. She is perfect looking and gorgeous, but she shared some details about herself that make me think she’s mind kind of girl. I’m a super jealous person. Strangely enough, in the past I’d choose to date guys who were openly players, while I’d always be monogamous with them (they didn’t ask me to be, I’m just not good at playing), so I’d always end up sending up to 100 texts some nights when I’d get ditched and the guy was with some other young lady.

Anyways, Kim says she’s super jealous and I like that she admits this, because most people I’ve ever been around all claim they never experience jealousy and act like it’s so pathetic. It’s pretty ingrained in us I think to feel jealousy, especially because in small doses it is a sign of self-respect. I deserve to be treated well and am not embarrassed to feel frustrated if I’ve felt a guy I’m fucking favours some other girl over me.

I’ve never done sneaky stuff because I’m pretty  much a full-on aggressive person when angry, so I won’t do hidden things, but she says she’s snuck on to a guy’s Facebook and slept outside a guy house for the night before in her vehicle and he doesn’t know that. Juicy! Good work, Kim. You might actually gain some fans since you get that in order to be interesting on reality TV you’ve got to be willing to convincingly reveal some unflattering things about yourself.

Didn’t think I’d like this show for first 40 minutes of episode, but reality TV sucked me in again!

 

Now I Can See Why Austen Kroll From Southern Charm Seems Older Than 29

During the most recent episode of Southern Charm (airing on May 22nd), Austen revealed at the parquet courts place that his older sister, Kyle, died when Austen was 7 and Kyle was 10. Chelsea was asking something I would have wanted to know also, which is why Austen has a younger sister who is 9 years younger than him.

He explains that his parents had another child after his older sister tragically fell off the side of a cliff while on a family vacation in the U.S. Chelsea’s eyes welled-up immediately, it made me sad too, and it helped me to understand that I find Austen to be a hot 23 year-old, which is so rare because I’m 33 and usually find men who are older than myself to be hottest, because he’s probably been through more than most people in his particular genre of privileged whitehood in the first 29 years of life.

 

 

Pam Anderson Finally Looks How I’ve Always Wanted Her To

Once upon a time I used to hate Pamela Anderson as a little girl. I didn’t like when it became public that Tommy Lee assaulted her (as a kid this was reported on whatever tabloid entertainment show I was watching that he caused her to have a miscarriage) I thought she was a fool for staying with such an idiot.

Anyways, then I started to see Pamela Anderson talk shows and I realized how funny and self-deprecating she is. She won a fan with me! I also loved her as C.J on Baywatch even though when I watched that show I disliked who I thought the real-life Pamela Anderson was.

Once I learned more about her personality she sucked me in and charmed me into being a fan. My sister and I used to always watch her campy show V.I.P. back in the day too.

Now Pam has gone the “classy lady” route, at least temporarily, as it seems she always like to get back to her roots eventually, in Cannes this year (if you want more pics of Pam at People.com click here).

She looks gorgeous! Any old pre-surgery photos of Pamela Anderson always indicated to me that she is just as beautiful as any other Hollywood or more respected actress.

Glad to see Canadian Pammy still kicking around and looking good!