female writer

Hanging Out with My Boyfriend and My Ex

Never thought I’d type that as an article title. Last night I felt like I was living a scene out of a reality TV show.

I’ll provide some background, 7 years ago to the exact day I started working at a restaurant in Vancouver that’s been open for 50 plus years. My first night at work I met a guy who I’ll call Joe. He started openly hitting on me as he does with basically all women that he meets. I remember specifically saying, “We should never been in a room alone together”. I thought he was attractive but I also felt like he seemed like a huge asshole. The prototypical bad boy. It took a few months for me to cave and start hooking up with him. I was so lonely at the time. It’d been a year and a half since I’d hooked up with anyone.

Joe was a player that was even more fucked-up than I imagined. After we hooked up for the first time he invited me over to his place in the morning. Once I arrived, this girl who I thought was his ex was there on his bed (clothed thankfully) and his male friend. They were all high on coke. Joe started rolling around on the bed with his male friend and trying to touch the girl. He then tried to come sit on the couch (aka which was really a backseat from a van) where I was and touch me. I wasn’t feeling it. Since it was early in the morning and they’d been up on coke all night, they passed out shortly after I got there. I made my quiet exit. Clearly that would have been more than enough to make a confident person walk away, but I wasn’t confident at the time. I was pulled in even more. I would make this guy like me.

The hook-ups with Joe continued. I became increasingly obsessed with him while he flaunted having sex with other girls and critiquing every part of my appearance in a negative manner. At work, he would yell at me and treat me like shit. And yet, I kept coming back for me. I wasn’t an innocent in all this. I was emotionally abusive myself. After he’d ditch me to go hang out with another girl I’d text him endless insults and harass him. We were both behaving in psychotic ways.

After months of conflict and continuing to hook-up, we got in an epic fight. Joe threw me down on his bed and put all his weight on top of me, without realizing my left wrist was being bent back. My wrist was sprained. I had never been in a physically abusive relationship before. Yet, this restaurant I was working at represented the first community I felt like I was a part of in Vancouver. I didn’t want to leave this community behind in order to stop being around Joe. Eventually, after a trip to the hospital for a night after a mental breakdown, I stopped all communication with Joe outside of work. Months after I had stopped seeing or texting him he yelled at me in front of the packed restaurant. That was the last shift I worked there. I quit and Joe stayed on.

My current boyfriend, Ian, also works at the same restaurant. I never hooked up with him until I quit working at the restaurant, but part of what helped me quit is that I felt like something could start with Ian and that made me excited and hopeful. I’ve been with Ian for 6 years now. I definitely don’t regret quitting the restaurant. I have a job I love that challenges me and is not in the restaurant industry.

Well, last night my boyfriend went to work and then he started texting me that the manager (who he was also in a band with and who he’s been friends with for over 20 years) told him that Joe smashed the Buddha statue at work and broke its finger off and lost it and quit the restaurant. Joe’s worked there for 17 years. Most people there have worked there for at least 10 years. People tend to stick around because there is a sense of community there that can be hard to find in Vancouver. But communities often have costs that come with being a part of the group.

By the time I picked my boyfriend up after work last night, he said that Joe had called him and was texting him. They’re not friends, but they have known each other for a long time. Joe was looking for some support.

We almost never hang out with Joe, but we invited him over since he lives a couple blocks away. Joe basically he said he reached his limit with another co-worker who likes to stir-up shit and he had to draw a line in the sand. He said he’s been working graves for this restaurant for 17 years and enough is enough, he can’t take it anymore.

This all led to Joe eventually apologizing for the circumstances surrounding how I quit the restaurant. He said sorry, which I’d never heard him say before. I also got an answer to a question I had always wondered about. The day I quit the restaurant 6 years ago, I went out to a bar that Ian and another co-worker (who Ian was fucking) were hanging out at. I had a crush on Ian but since he was hooking up with our co-worker, I didn’t know if anything would come of my crush and I didn’t think it was reciprocated.

I was sitting in the bar when Ian came down and sat beside me and said that the manager had called Ian to ask about me quitting. This made no sense since Ian wasn’t involved in the conflict between Joe and I. Apparently Joe told the manager to call Ian to find out why I quit. I was angry that Joe did this but also surprised. All of my feelings for Joe hadn’t been shared with anyone else. Joe had hit on me, but he was hitting on lots of people at that time–as he had just been brutally dumped by his girlfriend of 7 years. I was looking for someone that wanted to seriously date me. I didn’t want another Joe-like situation so I didn’t give in at that point to Ian’s advances.

Therefore, I was like, why the hell is Joe telling the manager to call Ian? What does Ian have to do with my quitting? Yes, in my mind part of what helped me quit was the hope something could happen with Ian (and I didn’t want to hook-up with a co-worker again), but how would Joe know that? I held on to that question for 6 years.

Finally, last night I asked Joe if he remembered telling the manager to call Ian after I quit 6 years ago. I explained I’d never hooked up with Ian at that point so what made Joe tell the manager to call Ian. Joe said that his dick is 4 inches but Ian’s is 5. Ian’s is bigger than 5. Ian is well-endowed but I’m not sure how Joe knows that. Anyways, to me this was Joe’s way of saying that he psychically or perceptively knew I was into Ian more than him when I quit. That’s kind of what I thought all along.

Last night was cathartic, because I apologized for being emotionally abusive. Joe apologized for doing things like taking a call from another fuck-buddy while in bed with me. That situation did really hurt me. I had to convince and beg him not to leave me and go pick up this other girl (who was supposedly walking the street in a short skirt drunk at dawn). My self-esteem was so low back then. I’m still not nearly as confident as I want to be, but observing Joe last night with his red-wine stained lips, greasy hair and bad B.O. reminded me of how far I’ve come. I didn’t feel attracted to Joe. I felt bad for him and like he hasn’t changed one bit. His rage issues are still running his life. It sounded more like he’s been fired from the restaurant than his initial claim that he quit. The apology helped though. It really did. Also, it made me love Ian more for helping Joe out in a time of need by letting him have us to talk to and for helping me let go of some past shit.

Too bad it wasn’t filmed, because it would have been quite entertaining I think!

It’s That Bad In U.S., Eh?: “Guatemalan Man Calls 911 and Asks to be Deported”-People.com

Cesar Sanchez is making the best of an apparently really shitty situation. As they say, when life hands you lemons, make lemonade! I hope if Cesar needs some lemonade (aka healthcare assistance) that he gets it in his home country of Guatemala rather than being held with no medical care in an American prison as that is what is supposedly currently happening).

Check out this link (People.com story) about a Guatamelan man who called 911 to turn himself in as an undocumented immigrant, because he is apparently sick. Makes sense then that he’d want to go home to get some medical care, rather than NO medical care.

This story is funny in a disturbing way. Like, the U.S. sucks so bad that people who once thought it was the lands of dreams are calling the enemy–the cops–to help transport them back to their different vs less developed debate country of Guatemala.

Update: I typed in Cesar Sanchez on google and found this Breitbart news article. I didn’t see things in the same way, but this article contains some more hopefully accurate information.

Why Is Brad Pitt More Comfortable With The R-word Than The A-word?

Brad Pitt has just done an interview with GQ, and in it he reveals the most in a long time about himself, his divorce, and his kids (but nothing juicy about Angelina specifically).

Anyways, he basically acknowledges his own role in the divorce without critiquing Jolie, that must take some control because she can’t be perfect, and points to his own partying and alcohol consumption as big problems.

B.P. then goes on to say that he hasn’t drank for 6 months. Prior to that he describes himself as “retarded” (I thought all politically correct folks knew this word is a no-no nowadays…especially when it is being used in the way that refers to moving backwards or regressing. Many people with mental handicaps are progressing and represent inspiring examples of human beings, and since the word “retarded” ended-up often being used with the intention of making someone with a mental disability or challenge viewed as less than others, which is wrong and inaccurate) in an emotional sense. Pitt claims that he wasn’t good at showing his emotions, and infers that he repeated his own father’s example of, “Father knows best” and a “war mentality”.

While I don’t know Brad Pitt at all, it was surprising that he referred to himself using the r-word (which I must admit I still use in my vehicle during road-rage so I contribute to the negative prejudice that the word promotes towards people with mental disability’s as well) he wouldn’t flat-out label himself an “alcoholic”, which it sounds like he is, since he is now abstaining from alcohol entirely. When asked why he choose to quit drinking Pitt simply said, “Don’t want to live that way anymore”.

I enjoyed this interview, and it re-established my Pitt Fandom, I think he is going to put out something incredible soon, but it did make me think of how harshly our society judges alcoholics when someone prefers to use the r-word (which I thought he would know enough to steer clear from) to describe themselves over the a-word. R-word is offensive because it has a history of being used to put people down.

I’m an alcoholic and I don’t mind the label, because my life is much less scary with my own self-labelling of alcoholic than it was when I refused to call myself an alcoholic. So maybe alcoholic has a huge negative association for some people, but in terms of my own self-perception it doesn’t, and maybe that is why I’m wondering what makes Brad Pitt so scared to call himself an alcoholic (maybe court will judge him more harshly with his kids if he does, who knows?).

Maybe it means nothing at all.

Am I Too Uptight Because I Think It’s Weird When A 5 Year-old Wears Lots Of Make-up?

This is Jessica Simpson posing with her daughter (the child on the left dressed as a mermaid) Maxwell, who just turned 5, as well as her husband Eric and son Ace.

It creeps me out that her daughter has so much make-up on! Yes, my mind immediately goes to child predators and the way in which Maxwell might already believe that getting attention for how one looks is the most gratifying or satisfying kind of attention there is.I don’t think it is, but maybe that’s only because I haven’t received a lot of attention for my looks, so I’ve had to seek  out self acceptance elsewhere. I think it can be dangerous when a person primarily defines themselves based on how hot they are, and yes, I’m judging because the picture of 5 year-old Maxwell makes me think Jessica Simpon is messing with her child’s head. Oh, and it is very, very important to note, I am not a parent. Therefore, that makes me extra bitchy and annoying because I’m commenting on Jessica Simpson’s parenting (I do love Jessica Simpson, I think I still have some of the Newlyweds on DVD…she’s a goofy person) even though I have no clue how hard it is to be a parent.

The Ol’ “Kardashians Don’t Have Jobs” Argument: Demeaning Work Women Do

This is what never makes sense to me about people who hate reality TV because it is all “fake” but simultaneously argue that people like the Kardashians “don’t have jobs”. Yeah, entertainment, which is a huge stress relief for me, can involve making fake things or situations interesting because the fake scenarios are fun or interesting to watch (they might even relate in some ways to real life as well, I think they do). The “Kardashians don’t have jobs” argument was something I once again encountered last week when I attended my friend’s son’s 3rd birthday party.

One of my friend’s friends (who felt the need to emphasize that she is “not a feminist” so you can’t offend her…yet she was offended by almost everything the other people said at the party, interesting…) asked me what’s new with celebrity culture, and I said that Kim Kardashian is getting hated-on for joking about how the flu helped her lose weight and for saying it’s an an effective diet right before the MET Ball, but if you only consider whether or not a diet helps you lose weight. It is not depending on how physically harmful a diet is–it’s not that offensive. I’ll point out Kim never denied or commented on how dangerous flus are. I bet she realizes it’s not an ideal state to have the flu! One could say she was just looking at the bright side of things, but the sad reality is because of her famous and influence there are going to be some sick people trying to get themselves sick to lose weight. Kim Kardashian can’t be blamed for all of those people, but she should consider them when writing things like this on a public format.

Anyways, this led into my friend’s friend saying that the Kardashians don’t have jobs. My other friend’s boyfriend, who I know doesn’t watch or enjoy the Kardashians but gets that they’re business people and entertainers who are SUCCESSFUL at their jobs, was really getting into arguing with the friend’s friend that they do and I joined in as well. I eventually noticed myself getting way to into the argument and the topic changed shortly thereafter.

It’s funny because the same friend of a friend was just showing off earlier about how her life is good because she is cruising at her job and making $30 an hour. Aren’t the Kardashians just cruising at their jobs of dressing up, selling people products and their TV show, showing up for professional appearances and doing press, promoting themselves on various social media outlets and taking the best financial options available for their time (aka work)?

It seems to me that this critical female who wants to demean everything the Kardashians do (and yes I think they use their sexuality as one of their primary means of attracting attention and financial offers…it’s okay, I’m a fan and on board with hit…I love looking at beautiful women, what can I say? Supply and demand is a huge part of capitalism.) is somehow jealous of the Kardashians, because the argument that they don’t have jobs makes no sense.

Capitalism to me appears to me to involve people pursuing the best financial reward available for what they are willing and or able to offer up in return. The Kardashians are highly privileged individuals in the sense that their beauty, family heritage in Hollywood have helped them greatly in terms of their success, but they are still undeniably inspirational business women who have found ways to use what the Lord has given them (nope, I don’t believe in God, but I do like that statement and I like to capitalize for emphasis) and maximize their own personal bank accounts (financial status has a huge impact on one’s own personal freedom, which means being rich can be very empowering for women and create options that would simply NOT be there if the females weren’t rich).

So, this leads me to think that this friend of a friend is falling into something I notice that I still do as well in an attempt to put down a female that I dislike, which is to resort to the age-old virgin/whore complex. Bad women are whores: lazy, liars, etc. Good women are virgins: honest, sweet, submissive etc. And since Kim Kardashian has made a sextape some people will ignore everything else she has done that has taken lots and lots of TIME and ENERGY to claim she is a whore. See it’s not that easy to be born drop-dead gorgeous now is it? Kardashians ain’t nearly as bad as people say. I defend them because of the sexist, anti-feminist attitude behind the argument that the KARDASHIANS DON’T WORK.

Clearly, they do work–but those who criticize the Kardashians don’t value all work, only the kinds of work they think are respectable I guess. It’s so weird actors who are on scripted shows are viewed as having jobs, but reality TV actors on shows everyone freaks-out about being scripted and totally staged doesn’t involve real work? Scripts. Stages. Sounds like working as an actor but they’re playing themselves to me. Makes no goddamn sense. This is another part of this weird delusional reality projected forth by people who are jealous that certain individuals got a way better deal in the whole realm of capitalism and financial gain than they did. Yes, the Kardashians make way more money than you do for doing work that is possibly easier than yours, but it’s not like able-bodied people are quick to give up their wage which can be higher because there are more jobs available to able-bodied people, because someone who is incapable of moving their body and is disability and can’t make a lot of money? People are inherently selfish, but it seems like most people want to deny this in themselves. I don’t deny it about myself. I have a regular job, but I also call up my Mom’s (she’s 55) 87 year-old ex-boyfriend every few months or so in great part because I know he’ll usually send me a cheque for around $5000 after. Does it feel dirty? Yep. But I like cash. If you’re above money, good for you. I don’t need to pretend my financial status doesn’t have a great impact on a lot of things (but of course not everything) in my life.

Placement of Heidi’s Other Hand is Everything in this Pic

It’s funny this news story has come out today because two nights ago I had a sudden craving for Speidi and The Hills was the show I had playing in my bedroom prior to falling asleep (much to my boyfried’s chagrin…no matter how hard I try I can’t get him to obsess over reality TV or even enjoy it remotely as much as I do), so it’s I’m excited to see they’re having a baby!

If I recall, even back in the day when The Hills was still airing Spencer never wanted to have a baby and Heidi was trying to talk him into it.

Well, maybe Heidi will lead us to believe things have changed (and somehow use this public front as her opinion to lock-down a new reality show over how Spencer reacts to having to share his MA-MA/wife), but if you look at Heidi’s right hand gripped like a tentacle tightly around the hand Spencer is using to create a heart over her belly there is evidence of a bit of tension (in my opinion only, of course).

Haaahahhaah! I can imagine Spencer’s old friends who see this at the grocery store (I typed supermarket first, yet I never say that out loud and I’m not an American…why?) cracking up at the thought of Spencer morphing into a totally loving, kind person as a dad.

So, it kinds of looks like Heidi’s hand is screaming,”You will love this child Spencer!” as Spencer thinks of ways to simultaneously escape the relationship and further obsess over Heidi, because she’s the only one fucked-up enough to deal with his many issues.

But I also have many issues, including a bed temper and a tendency towards paranoia like Spencer, so not only do I have compassion for Spencer’s insanity, I also want to see another Speidi reality show please! Bravo scoop them up from MTV already…or maybe there needs to be a Princes of Malibu Season 2? Brody could use the work.