celebitchy

RHONY-Should Renew Sonja’s Contract After Lines Like This: “Cause When That Woman(Ramona)’s Gettin’ Banged, She’s Happy!”

Ha! Sonja said this about Ramona this week that when Ramona and Mario (her ex-husband) used to be married, he was banging her every night (or I guess every night when he wasn’t banging someone else, since she acknowledged he was a cheater—totally had that vibe, too). Sonja is in a hot tub in Mexico on this weeks episode of Real Housewives of New York City as she says about Ramona that she’s sad because she’s not getting enough sex.

Sonja displays her clever wit and no shame in the jokes game when she says about Ramona, “’cause when that woman’s getting banged, she’s happy!” Man, Sonja is funny!

Andy Cohen knows that with lines like that Sonja is going to be some dollars sent her way next season too.

OMG JTT is Still Super Hot!

So you 90s kids must have watched Home Improvement starring Tim Allen. I know I did. Ruh-ruh-ruh! The growling-bark that was “Tim the Tool Man Taylor” trademark joke on the show.

Jonathan Taylor Thomas played the character of Randy. And even though I was only around 10 when I started watching the show, I was definitely randy for JTT.

Those beautiful blue eyes, tan skin, and sweet smile! Who could resist? Certainly not I.

Anyways, I haven’t seen anything about JTT for a long time and then BHAM out of nowhere, I’m on popsugar.com and I stumble upon the above glorious pic of Jonathan.

He’s taking a break from the spotlight since he says he was working since 8 years old. Yes, please take a break then, but don’t stop being hot.

WHAT HAPPENS AT THE ABBEY: Heidi Montag, What, What?

As much as I wanted to not want to watch What Happens at the Abbey I caved tonight, and, as per usual, I am now getting more into the Show.

First there’s Daniel and Ashlee’s cooking session at Ashlee’s place. Daniel is my favourite character so far. He seems geeky and like he’s not as a fakeass as some others. It’s clear that Ashlee isn’t used to guys doing anything other than blushing and doing whatever she asks in her presence. I like that Daniel doesn’t just flatter her ego the whole time.

I want to see more DANIEL!

Ashlee eventually becomes infuriated with the date, and says, “Daniel is dumb as a brick.”

“You’re not very nice, are you?” Daniel says in response. Go boy! Yes, I am a lifelong awkward girl, so I always get some satisfaction when a beautiful girl gets shut down a bit.

“Me doing some charity work at this point” Ashlee is another description she uses for her date(?) with Daniel. I don’t think either of these people thought it was a date or have any chemistry.

Daniel’s strength with women I think is that he’s not intimidated by their beauty. It seems like he knows that lots of hot girls are arrogant, so he refuses to further hype-up beautiful ladies’ egos (based on the little CA-COW/CO-COH cooking session with Ashlee).

Billy knows what he’s good for and that’s taking that shirt off” Kyle about Billy while Billy takes his shirt off in front of Marissa’s Mom. I think her mom has good instincts and she can tell Kyle is a player. I get that feeling, too. I like that she let him sweat, because he is interested in her daughter, so it’s only right a mom should make a “suitor” sweat.

Ha! Marissa and her Mom were really cute. I like her mom alot! My Mom, my sister, Nat, and I were all total celeb stalkers during my childhood, so I totally relate to the storyline where Marissa gets embarrassed by her mom when they’re at The Abbey and reality tv dynasty Heidi Montag is there.

Aww, of course sweet Heidi tells Marissa to, “Follow your dreams”. Heidi might be cray-cray, but she’s sweet, too. So weird to see her out for a night without Spencer. Where’s he hiding?

“Heidi Montag is literally everything.” Marissa says about Heidi. Heidi is pretty awesome and a pioneer in the reality tv genre.

Lawrence then wants to tell his father that he is having a baby with Brandi: “We have to break the news to him that we are starting a family”.

“We HAVE to” says it all. Shouldn’t it be exciting to tell your family if they’re supportive?

Divorce. Lawrence parents forced the kids to choose when they got divorce. My sister and I were involved in an ugly custody battle (my sister had to testify in court against my Dad, but I didn’t testify, just wrote a letter the judge read) and it has had a permanent effect on me in that I still am recovering from emotional trauma inflicted during that time (I do think I’ve improved so much though). Lawrence says his parents were breaking up and at the airport going in two different directions. His parents told him and his brother to choose. He says his brother choose his father, then his brother grabbed Lawrence to come with him. Heartbreaking, and the saddest part of all, “I saw my Mom go in the opposite direction”. That’s a sad story. Custody battles are cruel towards the children first and foremost.

Lawrence tells his Dad, “We’re going to have a baby. You will be a grandfather.”

Brandi: “I’m also gay.”

His dad asks, “What if you decided that you go separate ways?”

Brandi then says, “I don’t feel like it would happen….I wouldn’t up and move somewhere else.”

I love what Lawrence dad says! His dad tells them, “This is like remarkable. Thank-you. You couldn’t have done anything more to honour me.” Lawrence’s Dad to Lawrence and Brandi. Everyone starts crying.

Whoa. I’m so pessimistic.

Brandi then says about Lawrence’s dad, “He (Lawrence) was finally able to get over a bridge that he feel like he burnt with his father” is what Brandi says about the pregnancy. To play devil’s advocate this repairing of a burnt bridge is kind of insane if Lawrence felt like he had to atone for being gay. If the only reason his father was disappointed he was gay is because he couldn’t have kids with another man then that’s ok. But if his dad truly hated Lawrence being gay and that is something Lawrence still puts on himself as a bridge he burnt and needed to repair, well then I think his dad should realize Lawrence has done nothing wrong or disappointing in being gay.

UPDATE: I tweeted my article to Lawrence and he read it.He tweeted in response to my tweet, “Thanks for the review! Just want it to be clear that my father has never been disappointed in me”. and “I was disappointed in myself for not having the courage to come out to him face2face, he found out from someone else”. 

Glad we cleared that up! I was wrong and Lawrence’s dad never held Lawrence being gay against him. Lawrence’s dad is pretty cool!

 

 

HOT COUPLE ALERT: Joaquin Phoenix and Rooney Mara More Than a Rumour

I’ve been reading things here and there online, as you may also have been doing, for the last couple of months which suggest that Rooney Mara and Joaquin Phoenix were fucking and potentially super coupled-up on the down-low.

I guess they were because they finally stepped out as a couple at Cannes.

I think they’re both pretty hot! Crazy seeming too which always adds a flavour of excitement to the mix as in, “What’s going to happen with these two?”.

Rooney Mara Joaquin Phoenix same car Cannes

Rooney does appear pretty cold, but she won me over in her roles in Her, Carol, and especially Side Effects. Why didn’t people talk about Side Effects more when it came out? I like how Rooney perfectly embodied a female who is willing to manipulate the qualities about females that have typically been used to oppress women, such as the idea that we’re especially weak and vulnerable, and use it to her own advantage for evil means. I don’t want to give more away, because it will ruin the plot but check out Side Effects if you haven’t seen it. Channing Tatum, Catherine Zeta Jones, and Jude Law round out the cast. Side Effects is also film that takes a glaring look at the pharmaceutical industry. It examines how some mental health professionals take advantage of their power and operate as business people looking to profit from pharmaceutical companies rather than there to help their clients first and think about financial gain second.

Joaquin does do a good job of staying famous and still getting decent enough movies without ever letting the audience know too much about him. I’ve still never seen that documentary called I’m Still Here. I just tried again to find it on Pirate Bay today and there’s no downloads for it…too bad…I do really want to see it, even if it sucks just because of all the hype.

Phoenix made the doc with Casey Affleck (he has 2 kids, Indiana 12 and Atticus (oh wow, what a name) 8, with Phoenix’s sister Summer and they are now divorced), which I feel like is kind of an infamous film now since Affleck was accused of sexual harassment from other women who worked on the set of the documentary. According to IMDB the plot line of the documentary “Documenting Joaquin Phoenix’s transition from the acting world to a career as an aspiring rapper”. Hmm.

Joaquin Rooney cannes audience look

I first developed a big crush on Phoenix when I was a kid and I watched him as a 12 or 13 year-old in the film Parenthood. The film also has a young Keanu Reeves and Martha Plimpton. Anyways, Phoenix was really good and cute in the movie starring Steve Martin. I love him in The Master also, which co-starred Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Amy Adams. It’s supposed to be about L. Ron Hubbard (creator of Scientology if ya didn’t know). Of course, Walk the Line. They’re both actors that don’t seem to be desperately seeking constant attention from the public. That doesn’t mean their egos aren’t huge. I’m just saying because they don’t put it all out there, I am more curious about them, and what their personal lives are like.

Hope they’re having fun and I’m happy to look at pictures of the coupling Marix (it’s probably insulting to give them a couple name, but whatever) until they’re no more, unless of course they last forever.

BOBCAT KITTENS: Rescued From a Fire!

These little angels (BOBCAT KITTENS) were found underneath the steps of a house on fire in Calgary on Friday. The fire was put out, and the kittens are being rehabilitated at a wildlife preservation facility.

I totally think I would have thought they’re just extra cute, not wildlife animals, and want to keep them anyway, anyhow!

Adorable.

REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK CITY: Tinsley Mortimer’s Mom Dale Is Harsh About Weight

(The above picture is of Tinsley, her mom Dale, and her sister Dabney Mercer)

So Tinsley took it a few steps deeper tonight by having her mom Dale (who is alive and very pulled-together) and her father (who was cremated in a wood box in the episode) share her screen time.

Whoa. Once Tinsley starts talking to her Mom about her childhood, she talks about coming home from camp and if she was skinny her Mom would give her a huge hug and act really happy to see her, but if she was bigger her Mom would limply hug her and show disappointment.

That sucks. While I was never really hot in high school because I ate too much food and didn’t exercise for most of high school, but I’m glad my Mom didn’t tell me to lose weight. Society and my own brain were pressure enough.

Dale, Tinsley’s Mom, looks incredible, since she must be in her 60s, so I respect her game in terms of maintaining her looks, but I wonder if she’ll maintain a facade at any and all costs.

I wanna know what Tinsley’s mom Dale said when Tinsley got arrested.

WHAT HAPPENS AT THE ABBEY: Anytime A Guy Talks Like This I Think “Rapist Alert”, But He’s Probably Just Douchey and Harmless

Kyle What Happens At the Abbey

(Kyle Clarke–more pics can be found at E online)

When Kyle Clarke is talking about the Abbey newbie Marissa Chykirda he says, “She hasn’t been passed around, so this is a good time to swoop-in”. Oh, so you’d be grossed-out if she’d been with other men at the Abbey? It doesn’t sound like this is his first time to the rodeo, so why the heck is he chasing down this girl and talking about her like this? Like, if she does fuck 5 guys is she now a throwaway human being because of that? When one’s attraction to a female is based on how innocent or virginal she appears, something often only attainable during youth, it makes me think the guy is way too macho and needs to expand his mind when it comes to female sexuality and what is sexy.

Marissa Chykirda

(Marissa Chykirda (above) is a very beautiful young woman learning how to serve V.I.P. in the first episode. She asks Tori Spelling for a selfie in addition to other no-nos. Once while I worked at a place called The Naam in Vancouver I served Sarah Silverman. As I seated her party, I asked her if I could get a pic with her once she was done dinner. She said yes and the pic was awesome. So you don’t always get in trouble for asking someone for their pic, but I also didn’t care about my job so much that if I did get in trouble I’d be devastated).

Cory Zwierzynski what happens at the abbey

(Cody Zwierzynski…just a pretty boy to me as of yet)

Boy drama! Murray Swanby and Cory Zwierzynski. I want to know more about these guys. It seems like Cory might use his super-good-looks to get tons of guys attention, and then in response Murray is more of a self-conscious person and he gets triggered by being with a man like Cory who is always flaunting his sexual prowess in front of Murray. Murray drinks to deal with the stress. That’s just my guess, since it always takes two to tango.

Murray Swanby What Happens at the Abbey

(Murray Swanby…he seems cute and like he’ll be crazy but VERY endearing)

BUT based on the dialogue included on the show, the viewer is told by the other cast member, Brandi Andrews, that “Murray is kind of a mess…sober Murray is nowhere to be found.” She also tells Cory to “Be the bigger person”. Is Murray all to blame?

Brandi Andrews What Happens AT the ABbey

(Brandi Andrews seems like a straight-up type of person…so far)

There was the other dramatic flair-up of the fight between Lawrence Carroll and his female heterosexual friend, who seems to have been under the impression that he was going to father her a child. He yells at her, “You’re not going to be the mother of my child” and that he doesn’t want any “douchebag dude trying to be around my kids”. Lawrence apparently wants Brandi to have his baby, and he will parent the child with Brandi and Brandi’s girlfriend.

Lawrence Carroll What Happens At the Abbey

(Lawrence Carroll likes to hold the power of his sperm over other’s heads…or so it seems)

I dislike men a lot also, so I can see where he is coming from, but it is a strange double-standard on the other hand. Is it bad to be straight? The girl he tells can’t have his baby starts crying a lot. Maybe she was just playing it up for the cameras. She says, “You’re putting this on me. This is your idea”. I’d think  my friend was mean if he offered to be my baby daddy and then says it can’t happen in front of reality tv cameras. It’s all part and parvel of the realtiy TV game I guess (or I know).

I like Kim Senser a lot and I find her really relatable. She is perfect looking and gorgeous, but she shared some details about herself that make me think she’s mind kind of girl. I’m a super jealous person. Strangely enough, in the past I’d choose to date guys who were openly players, while I’d always be monogamous with them (they didn’t ask me to be, I’m just not good at playing), so I’d always end up sending up to 100 texts some nights when I’d get ditched and the guy was with some other young lady.

Anyways, Kim says she’s super jealous and I like that she admits this, because most people I’ve ever been around all claim they never experience jealousy and act like it’s so pathetic. It’s pretty ingrained in us I think to feel jealousy, especially because in small doses it is a sign of self-respect. I deserve to be treated well and am not embarrassed to feel frustrated if I’ve felt a guy I’m fucking favours some other girl over me.

I’ve never done sneaky stuff because I’m pretty  much a full-on aggressive person when angry, so I won’t do hidden things, but she says she’s snuck on to a guy’s Facebook and slept outside a guy house for the night before in her vehicle and he doesn’t know that. Juicy! Good work, Kim. You might actually gain some fans since you get that in order to be interesting on reality TV you’ve got to be willing to convincingly reveal some unflattering things about yourself.

Didn’t think I’d like this show for first 40 minutes of episode, but reality TV sucked me in again!

 

Now I Can See Why Austen Kroll From Southern Charm Seems Older Than 29

During the most recent episode of Southern Charm (airing on May 22nd), Austen revealed at the parquet courts place that his older sister, Kyle, died when Austen was 7 and Kyle was 10. Chelsea was asking something I would have wanted to know also, which is why Austen has a younger sister who is 9 years younger than him.

He explains that his parents had another child after his older sister tragically fell off the side of a cliff while on a family vacation in the U.S. Chelsea’s eyes welled-up immediately, it made me sad too, and it helped me to understand that I find Austen to be a hot 23 year-old, which is so rare because I’m 33 and usually find men who are older than myself to be hottest, because he’s probably been through more than most people in his particular genre of privileged whitehood in the first 29 years of life.

 

 

Pam Anderson Finally Looks How I’ve Always Wanted Her To

Once upon a time I used to hate Pamela Anderson as a little girl. I didn’t like when it became public that Tommy Lee assaulted her (as a kid this was reported on whatever tabloid entertainment show I was watching that he caused her to have a miscarriage) I thought she was a fool for staying with such an idiot.

Anyways, then I started to see Pamela Anderson talk shows and I realized how funny and self-deprecating she is. She won a fan with me! I also loved her as C.J on Baywatch even though when I watched that show I disliked who I thought the real-life Pamela Anderson was.

Once I learned more about her personality she sucked me in and charmed me into being a fan. My sister and I used to always watch her campy show V.I.P. back in the day too.

Now Pam has gone the “classy lady” route, at least temporarily, as it seems she always like to get back to her roots eventually, in Cannes this year (if you want more pics of Pam at People.com click here).

She looks gorgeous! Any old pre-surgery photos of Pamela Anderson always indicated to me that she is just as beautiful as any other Hollywood or more respected actress.

Glad to see Canadian Pammy still kicking around and looking good!