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SOUTHERN CHARM SAVANNAH: Ashley Purges In More Ways Than One/Hannah’s Dad Drops A Bomb

We hear Catherine’s voice doing the recap of the episode from last week. I wanna know why is boring Catherine the narrator? Dumb decision.

First off Hannah is packing for the trip to her dad’s place for a tailgate party.

Louis says, “Planning a party with your dad is so easy,” and that you just send people for more alcohol. Hannah gets all uppity about this not surprisingly.

Hannah then tells the camera that, “this is a perfect opportunity for him to show me that he is carrying the weight around here”. Yes, I do have an inkling suspicion that Hannah is subconsciously punishing Louis for her father’s wrongs.

Then it’s on to Nelson picking up Ashley at her place. I’m pretty sure Nelson can be heard screaming, “Go dawgs sick em,”  to cheer on the sports team they’re going to the tailgate party for. Nelson would be so much fun to go to a sports game with. That means a lot since I think sports are one of the most boring things to watch, but Nelson is a hoot! Nelson spinoff anybody? I bet it’s gonna happen with Ashley and Nelson taking on the big city (NYC) or celeb central (LA).

SC SAV nelson ashley river pic

(Nelson and Ashley earlier in the season)

I noticed during Ashley and Nelson’s drive that Nelson is wearing nice sunglasses. This is an improvement from the rest of his fashion (except for his glorious bow ties).

During the car trip, Ashley is bitching to Nelson about how Hannah should have been more considerate about going to a different designer/clothing maker in Charleston, when this is already Ashley’s livelihood. After Ashley says, ‘This is what pays for this car” Nelson’s agreement is given in the form of a very long and hilarious “Hmmmmm”. Nelson’s got some attitude in him and it’s quite entertaining. Yeah, he has been caught lying, but being fun goes a long way as well.

“Obviously I hate the tension with Hannah…If it turns sour, I know I have somewhere to go,” is what Ashley says about the Hannah feud (Ashley has access to her family or friend’s place to stay), since Ashley rightly fears that the power dynamic between her and Hannah could be unequal due to the party being on Hannah’s territory.

Hannah is so annoying! “I’m going to get the breakdown from my dad too about how much you actually did?” Why are you conspiring to get your boyfriend into trouble with your dad, Hannah? Stop caring so much what your damn dad thinks. He’s insensitive clearly.

Hannah says she gets anxiety driving up to beach house and we also find out that this is a 70-person party Louis ordered catering for. “My mom and dad built the house when I was in high school. We’ve had a lot of really fun family memories here, but it’s my dad and Sara’s house now. It’s just different,” Hannah says as she admits she hasn’t quite let go of the past yet.

Hannah says, “My stepmom and I are close in age, but not close”. Ouch! I wish I could know what Sara’s experience of the whole situation is. Hannah seems like a pretty stuck-up bitch at times, so I bet Hannah is hard to deal with. It seemed like Hannah left her stepmom out during one scene by focusing only on the people to her right, including Louis and her dad, rather than open it up for Sara to be a part of it. Sara kind of grabs at Hannah’s beer, and it was a tad awkward.

Then there’s Catherine reading some article about Ashley online. Ashley apparently got into an argument with a neighbour and busted the neighbour’s window. I want to hear more about this situation.

SOUTHERN CHARM SAV lyle catherine all white

(Lyle and Catherine looking virginal and boring as per usual)

Lyle is such that bitch who will never be able to attract an Ashley, so he pretends to crap on her, though he couldn’t handle her if he had the chance to. My analysis is why Lyle says, “She’s (Ashley’s) also an aggressive knocker along with aggressive bullshitter”. Harsh.

Then the ultimate NAGFEST tailgate party of 2017 (maybe 2016 depending on when it was filmed) by bugging Louis about everything in the most irritating way possible: “And it’s off to a rocky start…” is Hannah’s contribution to things early on. If Hannah only knew the reason this episode is so rocky is because her dad got too drunk and spilled the beans in a shocking way. Louis is an angel comparatively speaking.

When Hannah and her dad are talking, Hannah’s dad says, “Maybe i better have a talk with him”. What did Louis do that’s wrong? Their lifestyles must be too different from mine to get how not obsessing over running a party that is supposed to be fun is a bad thing.

Miss Control Freak Hannah says, “Every time i go to take a deep breath and a take a seat back…the ball has been dropped”. This is a party not a life or death surgery woman.

Hannah and her dad start doing it all themselves. 15 minutes later louis shows up on a golf cart

“You left,” Hannah says to Louis. She takes him around the side of the house for privacy in front of the cameras (haha, sure) to ream him out: “You’re hosting a party so stay ut until everything is finished and our guests arrive”. Hannah she is good at talking in a condescending manner. I wouldn’t want her to be my boss, cause I’d want to tell her to go get that fungal parasite removed from her asshole (jokes…don’t think Hannah would ever lower her guard long enough to pick up a fungal parasite, if there is such a thing), cause it’s really affecting her ability to focus on what matters.

“This is such bullshit,” is how Louis responds and I personally think he is right.

Hannah attempts to further degrade her boyfriend by calling him a vagina (not that it’s bad to be a vagina, if you can be a vagina, because vaginas are actually amazing): “You got to get that little tale feather out from underneath that vagina down there”. Nice girlfriend.

Hannah then pulls out another snot move by saying about tin foil top, “It’s just really TPT looking…trailer park trash”. Oh Hannah, aren’t you hilarious for making fun of those who aren’t as swanky as you?

SOUTHERN CHARM SAV catherine happy hannah pouring drinks

(Basic bitches Catherine, Happy, and Hannah)

Then it’s Happy’s turn once again to come in and make Hannah’s voice sound like smooth butter in comparison to Happy’s nasally whine. Happy is talking about Ashley when she says, “I want to pull her aside and have a conversation with her…Every time I turn around she’s like screaming at you”.  This girl Happy seriously irritates the fuck out of me. Catherine then repeats the rumour about Ashley punching out a window to the other girls. I can see where the conflict in this episode is heading: all signs point to Ashley. Bravo, Ashley (pun intended): $$$.

Happy says, “I struggle with feeling sad and then I hear things like this and I think this isn’t sad this is madness”. Okay there. Happy may be willing to be the black sheep of her family in terms of marrying a muslim person (since her mom at least isn’t supportive of her marriage), but she sure is judgmental and stuck-up about other things, so that judgmental trait must run in her family (it runs in my family too…can’t you tell?).

ASHLEY AND NELSON INCOMING: Ashley and Nelson show up to finally spice up the party. “Go dawgs!” Nelson say as he cheers on the team. Nelson is RIDIC. I want to hang out with Nelson so bad.

Ashley has a bandaid on her hand (window smasher!) and Catherine asks what happened. Ashley says, ‘Long story”. Perfect answer as she neither confirms nor denies, which is a great way to drag out the drama.

Happy asks Ashley, “How’s it going?” as the intro to their chat. Happy is constipated sounding. You need that rock solid piece of shit out of your ass, Happy or else you’re going to be stuck sounding like that forever. That was too harsh I know, but she really is the series villain for me.

Happy further chastises Ashley by saying, “It’s really really difficult to do that (support Ashley) when i feel like you’re acting in ways that I don’t understand that seem irrational”. I can see where Happy is coming from somewhat, it’s her delivery that sucks.

Ashley gives it right back, “Like what?”. Followed by, “You guys can’t just let me have a fun event”. Tell it like it is, girl!

Happy makes another annoying yet valid point when she asks Ashley, “Do you not feel like you’re attacking, Hannah?”.

“No one cares if i’m upset. It sucks,” Ashley shares while letting down her guard. It is correct that she’s kind of alone (except for Nelson) in this series.

Then the conversation turns to relationships and how Ashley knows Dennis is sweet, but he’ll never stand up for her and have her back in public.

Happy snaps back at her, “You’ve chosen your situation. if you don’t like it then get out of it”.

“I think that’s a very naive thing for her to say to me,” is how Ashley responds and I think she is correct. I’m unmarried and not a parent, so while I can see Ashley and Dennis’ relationship is unhealthy for Izzy (as Ashley can see too), it doesn’t mean breaking up a family is easy or something someone does rashly.

Ashley further sucks me in to loving her when she admits, “I’ve never made a decision based solely on what I wanted…”. I think there are many women who feel the same way about their lives, even if they won’t admit it on national television.

Ashley continues, “A lot of it is hard for me to deal with…That’s why I get defensive…I can’t survive on a daily basis if I focus on the struggles that I have…”. Amen! That is my life too. Just got to keep on moving, right? I think everyone is there, though levels of struggles are very different for all people.

Happy turns a bitchy-corner and seems like someone I could grow to like when she tell Ashley, “Right now, I feel like I understand where your’e coming from”. Ashley cries and hugs are given all around. Heartwarming stuff, but will it last? We shall see.

Grayson, Louis’ friend, pulls Nelson into the pool with him. Ashley jumps in and everyone else joins the pool part of the party. Grayson seems like he should be on the show too!

Now it’s BOYS ONLY (are we 10? I would not be cool with this if it was my boyfriend unless it was a pre planned boys night out…if I’m a female and I wanna come, I will) are going to the bar. We see shots of party time in da club. Daniel drops it loooowwww.

Then there’s Nelson droppin’ it with his hands. One more reason why I want to go out dancing with Nelson so bad! If you’re ever in Vancouver, Nelson, hit me up and I’ll take you to a fun hip hop club.

“You don’t have to be everything for everybody,” Hannah says to a haaaammmmed Ashley. Hannah is such a lecturer and so bitchy. Ahhh! Ashley starts barfing all over herself.

Now for the most shocking part of the episode with Louis and Hannah’s much talked-about Dad speaks for himself when he should have kept his mouth shut. Alcohol is dangerous people! That’s why I can’t touch it. Truth serum is something you’ve got to watch out for, because alcohol can make a negative spin one’s entire reality. I’m hoping that Hannah’s dad, David, was just in a particularly negative mood that night.

Louis tells Hannah’s dad she is brilliant and basically professes his love for his (Hannah’s dad’s) daughter (Hannah). Hannah’s dad then says, “I can’t tell them (Hannah and her sisters) I was never in love with her (their mom and his ex-wife)” along with “never force anything”. Okay that is a lot to digest for me, and I’m just a viewer. Hannah’s mom doesn’t deserve to be talked about this way. It’s weird, it’s like why’d you stay with a woman you were never in love with? How was she supposed to know that? Did she know that?

SOUTHERN CHARM SAV hannah crying on porch

(I bet Hannah started crying when she watched this episode for the first time…I would)

Louis admits, “I’m totally confused. I don’t know why he is saying that to be”. Hannah’s dad is messed up…”I was never in love with her (Hannah’s mom)” is repeated multiple times to Louis while they’re at the bar.

Louis isn’t the same as Hannah’s dad, as Louis maintains, “I love Hannah. She’s my best friend. I don’t take that for granted”. I like Louis.

Nelson and Ashley are driving together. She brings up how Happy and the girls genuinely tried to understand her, and she’s thankful since, “It’s hard to be vulnerable with people when you feel like they don’t really care” Yes, that is so true. I can’t let down my guard if I feel like someone has already judged me.

The next day, Hannah’s dad, David, is on his deck. It’s funny how her dad got the drunkest,  not the wild young partygoers.

Her dad looks guilty on the porch. Hannah is teary eyed while talking about Louis’ supposed faults again to her dad, ‘I really need him (Louis) to just like step it up…I feel like we’re jusr kind of floating out here in this weird space. It’s kind of funny, but sometimes i’m just like come on man”. Again, Hannah is misdirecting her anger. Focus on your fucking douche dad. He is the one who disgraces you and your family by speaking like that.

This episode was nuts…and I’m getting deeper and deeper into these people’s lives as the season goes on. Since I watch reality TV to escape, that is a good thing. This show is shaping up to contend with the original Southern Charm.

Taylor Swift and New Boyfriend Joe Alwyn: PICS TOGETHER!

DAILY MAIL LINK for more pics of T-Swift and her new boyfriend. All are poor quality though, but they’re something for you Tay-starved folks out there (and I know there’s lots of you). I’m a Tay fan too, but some of the stuff she does irritates the crap out of me.

Taylor Swift has finally decided she wants to be seen with her new boyfriend. They’re there, solid and ready to be out in full view.

And now…what?

This relationship already feels flat to me, because Joe Alwyn looks too sweet, too cute, and too innocent for Taylor Swift.

I have a feeling she’s going to need a little more excitement than what she’s getting with him, but there’s something there for the time being.

Taylor may simply be waiting on another.

 

HOT COUPLE ALERT: Joaquin Phoenix and Rooney Mara More Than a Rumour

I’ve been reading things here and there online, as you may also have been doing, for the last couple of months which suggest that Rooney Mara and Joaquin Phoenix were fucking and potentially super coupled-up on the down-low.

I guess they were because they finally stepped out as a couple at Cannes.

I think they’re both pretty hot! Crazy seeming too which always adds a flavour of excitement to the mix as in, “What’s going to happen with these two?”.

Rooney Mara Joaquin Phoenix same car Cannes

Rooney does appear pretty cold, but she won me over in her roles in Her, Carol, and especially Side Effects. Why didn’t people talk about Side Effects more when it came out? I like how Rooney perfectly embodied a female who is willing to manipulate the qualities about females that have typically been used to oppress women, such as the idea that we’re especially weak and vulnerable, and use it to her own advantage for evil means. I don’t want to give more away, because it will ruin the plot but check out Side Effects if you haven’t seen it. Channing Tatum, Catherine Zeta Jones, and Jude Law round out the cast. Side Effects is also film that takes a glaring look at the pharmaceutical industry. It examines how some mental health professionals take advantage of their power and operate as business people looking to profit from pharmaceutical companies rather than there to help their clients first and think about financial gain second.

Joaquin does do a good job of staying famous and still getting decent enough movies without ever letting the audience know too much about him. I’ve still never seen that documentary called I’m Still Here. I just tried again to find it on Pirate Bay today and there’s no downloads for it…too bad…I do really want to see it, even if it sucks just because of all the hype.

Phoenix made the doc with Casey Affleck (he has 2 kids, Indiana 12 and Atticus (oh wow, what a name) 8, with Phoenix’s sister Summer and they are now divorced), which I feel like is kind of an infamous film now since Affleck was accused of sexual harassment from other women who worked on the set of the documentary. According to IMDB the plot line of the documentary “Documenting Joaquin Phoenix’s transition from the acting world to a career as an aspiring rapper”. Hmm.

Joaquin Rooney cannes audience look

I first developed a big crush on Phoenix when I was a kid and I watched him as a 12 or 13 year-old in the film Parenthood. The film also has a young Keanu Reeves and Martha Plimpton. Anyways, Phoenix was really good and cute in the movie starring Steve Martin. I love him in The Master also, which co-starred Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Amy Adams. It’s supposed to be about L. Ron Hubbard (creator of Scientology if ya didn’t know). Of course, Walk the Line. They’re both actors that don’t seem to be desperately seeking constant attention from the public. That doesn’t mean their egos aren’t huge. I’m just saying because they don’t put it all out there, I am more curious about them, and what their personal lives are like.

Hope they’re having fun and I’m happy to look at pictures of the coupling Marix (it’s probably insulting to give them a couple name, but whatever) until they’re no more, unless of course they last forever.

Now I Can See Why Austen Kroll From Southern Charm Seems Older Than 29

During the most recent episode of Southern Charm (airing on May 22nd), Austen revealed at the parquet courts place that his older sister, Kyle, died when Austen was 7 and Kyle was 10. Chelsea was asking something I would have wanted to know also, which is why Austen has a younger sister who is 9 years younger than him.

He explains that his parents had another child after his older sister tragically fell off the side of a cliff while on a family vacation in the U.S. Chelsea’s eyes welled-up immediately, it made me sad too, and it helped me to understand that I find Austen to be a hot 23 year-old, which is so rare because I’m 33 and usually find men who are older than myself to be hottest, because he’s probably been through more than most people in his particular genre of privileged whitehood in the first 29 years of life.

 

 

Amy Schumer’s Now Ex-BF Had a Case of the “Too Good to be Trues”

I never liked this guy (Amy Schumer’s boyfriend and now ex Ben Hanisch). While Schumer was with him, I started to like her less as well. He seems like a fame whore and a yes man. Of course, I might just be a big bitch and totally wrong about this, but if I had to “read” their sitch I would have described it in a negative or unbelievable manner.

I hope Schumer finds someone who is more her equal. And I hope she starts to get funny again.

Travis Scott Is Hot: Go Kylie!

I think this guy is pretty cute. Hopefully Travis is innocent, or the reason he apparently incited a riot was justified. If he got people all riled up just for the sake of hurting other people than that is not cool.

Here’s a story about his arrest: TMZ.com.

I’m going to keep following this story to see if I can find any other things out about the case. I saw pics of Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott at a basketball game together. Have fun you two youngsters!

I hope Scott puts out another album soon. His music is really good.

Oh My God! This is the Best Outfit Ever: JLo Steals Met Gala

J.Lo is now officially my human Barbie doll.

This is J.Lo and A.Rod arriving at the 2017 Met Gala in New York City on May 1st, 2017. If I could have found a special edition Barbie doll that looked like this when I was 12 (yes, while some girls had boyfriends, I had a thing for keeping collector’s Barbie’s in their original boxes), I would have totally spent $60 on it.

Love you J.Lo! If you’re looking for a nod to J.Lo’s classic “If You Had My Love” as it is perfectly sampled on the sexy song Teenage Dream by Drake.

Things that are nice on the eyes are okay to enjoy sometimes, right?

A. Rod looks kind of goofy and like he doesn’t really know how to deal with being there, but on a positive note he really looks proud to be there with J.Lo and since I do love J.Lo, I think any man on her arm should be proud to be with such a hard-working entertainer.

The Ol’ “Kardashians Don’t Have Jobs” Argument: Demeaning Work Women Do

This is what never makes sense to me about people who hate reality TV because it is all “fake” but simultaneously argue that people like the Kardashians “don’t have jobs”. Yeah, entertainment, which is a huge stress relief for me, can involve making fake things or situations interesting because the fake scenarios are fun or interesting to watch (they might even relate in some ways to real life as well, I think they do). The “Kardashians don’t have jobs” argument was something I once again encountered last week when I attended my friend’s son’s 3rd birthday party.

One of my friend’s friends (who felt the need to emphasize that she is “not a feminist” so you can’t offend her…yet she was offended by almost everything the other people said at the party, interesting…) asked me what’s new with celebrity culture, and I said that Kim Kardashian is getting hated-on for joking about how the flu helped her lose weight and for saying it’s an an effective diet right before the MET Ball, but if you only consider whether or not a diet helps you lose weight. It is not depending on how physically harmful a diet is–it’s not that offensive. I’ll point out Kim never denied or commented on how dangerous flus are. I bet she realizes it’s not an ideal state to have the flu! One could say she was just looking at the bright side of things, but the sad reality is because of her famous and influence there are going to be some sick people trying to get themselves sick to lose weight. Kim Kardashian can’t be blamed for all of those people, but she should consider them when writing things like this on a public format.

Anyways, this led into my friend’s friend saying that the Kardashians don’t have jobs. My other friend’s boyfriend, who I know doesn’t watch or enjoy the Kardashians but gets that they’re business people and entertainers who are SUCCESSFUL at their jobs, was really getting into arguing with the friend’s friend that they do and I joined in as well. I eventually noticed myself getting way to into the argument and the topic changed shortly thereafter.

It’s funny because the same friend of a friend was just showing off earlier about how her life is good because she is cruising at her job and making $30 an hour. Aren’t the Kardashians just cruising at their jobs of dressing up, selling people products and their TV show, showing up for professional appearances and doing press, promoting themselves on various social media outlets and taking the best financial options available for their time (aka work)?

It seems to me that this critical female who wants to demean everything the Kardashians do (and yes I think they use their sexuality as one of their primary means of attracting attention and financial offers…it’s okay, I’m a fan and on board with hit…I love looking at beautiful women, what can I say? Supply and demand is a huge part of capitalism.) is somehow jealous of the Kardashians, because the argument that they don’t have jobs makes no sense.

Capitalism to me appears to me to involve people pursuing the best financial reward available for what they are willing and or able to offer up in return. The Kardashians are highly privileged individuals in the sense that their beauty, family heritage in Hollywood have helped them greatly in terms of their success, but they are still undeniably inspirational business women who have found ways to use what the Lord has given them (nope, I don’t believe in God, but I do like that statement and I like to capitalize for emphasis) and maximize their own personal bank accounts (financial status has a huge impact on one’s own personal freedom, which means being rich can be very empowering for women and create options that would simply NOT be there if the females weren’t rich).

So, this leads me to think that this friend of a friend is falling into something I notice that I still do as well in an attempt to put down a female that I dislike, which is to resort to the age-old virgin/whore complex. Bad women are whores: lazy, liars, etc. Good women are virgins: honest, sweet, submissive etc. And since Kim Kardashian has made a sextape some people will ignore everything else she has done that has taken lots and lots of TIME and ENERGY to claim she is a whore. See it’s not that easy to be born drop-dead gorgeous now is it? Kardashians ain’t nearly as bad as people say. I defend them because of the sexist, anti-feminist attitude behind the argument that the KARDASHIANS DON’T WORK.

Clearly, they do work–but those who criticize the Kardashians don’t value all work, only the kinds of work they think are respectable I guess. It’s so weird actors who are on scripted shows are viewed as having jobs, but reality TV actors on shows everyone freaks-out about being scripted and totally staged doesn’t involve real work? Scripts. Stages. Sounds like working as an actor but they’re playing themselves to me. Makes no goddamn sense. This is another part of this weird delusional reality projected forth by people who are jealous that certain individuals got a way better deal in the whole realm of capitalism and financial gain than they did. Yes, the Kardashians make way more money than you do for doing work that is possibly easier than yours, but it’s not like able-bodied people are quick to give up their wage which can be higher because there are more jobs available to able-bodied people, because someone who is incapable of moving their body and is disability and can’t make a lot of money? People are inherently selfish, but it seems like most people want to deny this in themselves. I don’t deny it about myself. I have a regular job, but I also call up my Mom’s (she’s 55) 87 year-old ex-boyfriend every few months or so in great part because I know he’ll usually send me a cheque for around $5000 after. Does it feel dirty? Yep. But I like cash. If you’re above money, good for you. I don’t need to pretend my financial status doesn’t have a great impact on a lot of things (but of course not everything) in my life.

Finally, A Story That Made Me Happy: Southern Charm’s Craig Conover Finally Passed Bar Exam

I saw this People magazine story yesterday and I realized that discipline and perseverance in the face of adversity persist after all when I found out Southern Charm’s (one of my top, if not THE top reality show, show I’m watching–in my opinion) Craig Conover finally passed the bar exam.

He was publicly shamed at the end of the last season (the 3rd) when he was pushed to reveal on the reunion that he can’t write the bar exam because he failed to finish law school. His final term paper was never turned in.

The rest of the cast appeared shocked to learn that Craig had been lying to them for 3 seasons. I’m not sure how many actual years that is, but probably at least 2, since season 1.

Anyways, though Craig is a bit of a tool sometimes, he does have a certain sweetness and he seems very focused on doing the right thing, even if it’s undeniable that he often doesn’t DO THE RIGHT THING (haven’t seen that movie in a while-may be revisiting it soon).

Conover’s best moment this season (4) so far, again in my opinion since I’m the one writing this and there’s no statistical way found out yet to determine whether or not this is more than an opinion and truly accurate) is when after a polo match, his co-star and apparent friend Thomas Ravenel is sitting with some other cast members as his two children, Kenzie and Saint, (who he fathered as a 50 plus lifelong bachelor with the now 24 year-old Kathryn Dennis and who he has full custody of) are pushed on a stroller by their nanny behind them. 3 year-old Kenzie is yelling out, “Daddy! Daddy!” but he ignores her and continues talking to the people around them.

Craig takes issue with this (it felt super weird to me too…just say hi to your daughter since she is clearly happy to see you) and told Thomas in Craig’s very nasally voice to go say hi to his daughter. Thomas kind of tells Craig to fuck off and Craig walks away pissed. This moment is where Craig’s midwestern sensibility really shines through.

southern charm naomie olindo craig conover

Congrats to Craig and his girlfriend Naomie Olindo who seemed about ready to dump him if he didn’t get it together and finally do something with his life (not to say at all that this is something I’ve accomplished myself, but still aiming for it)!