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Hanging Out with My Boyfriend and My Ex

Never thought I’d type that as an article title. Last night I felt like I was living a scene out of a reality TV show.

I’ll provide some background, 7 years ago to the exact day I started working at a restaurant in Vancouver that’s been open for 50 plus years. My first night at work I met a guy who I’ll call Joe. He started openly hitting on me as he does with basically all women that he meets. I remember specifically saying, “We should never been in a room alone together”. I thought he was attractive but I also felt like he seemed like a huge asshole. The prototypical bad boy. It took a few months for me to cave and start hooking up with him. I was so lonely at the time. It’d been a year and a half since I’d hooked up with anyone.

Joe was a player that was even more fucked-up than I imagined. After we hooked up for the first time he invited me over to his place in the morning. Once I arrived, this girl who I thought was his ex was there on his bed (clothed thankfully) and his male friend. They were all high on coke. Joe started rolling around on the bed with his male friend and trying to touch the girl. He then tried to come sit on the couch (aka which was really a backseat from a van) where I was and touch me. I wasn’t feeling it. Since it was early in the morning and they’d been up on coke all night, they passed out shortly after I got there. I made my quiet exit. Clearly that would have been more than enough to make a confident person walk away, but I wasn’t confident at the time. I was pulled in even more. I would make this guy like me.

The hook-ups with Joe continued. I became increasingly obsessed with him while he flaunted having sex with other girls and critiquing every part of my appearance in a negative manner. At work, he would yell at me and treat me like shit. And yet, I kept coming back for me. I wasn’t an innocent in all this. I was emotionally abusive myself. After he’d ditch me to go hang out with another girl I’d text him endless insults and harass him. We were both behaving in psychotic ways.

After months of conflict and continuing to hook-up, we got in an epic fight. Joe threw me down on his bed and put all his weight on top of me, without realizing my left wrist was being bent back. My wrist was sprained. I had never been in a physically abusive relationship before. Yet, this restaurant I was working at represented the first community I felt like I was a part of in Vancouver. I didn’t want to leave this community behind in order to stop being around Joe. Eventually, after a trip to the hospital for a night after a mental breakdown, I stopped all communication with Joe outside of work. Months after I had stopped seeing or texting him he yelled at me in front of the packed restaurant. That was the last shift I worked there. I quit and Joe stayed on.

My current boyfriend, Ian, also works at the same restaurant. I never hooked up with him until I quit working at the restaurant, but part of what helped me quit is that I felt like something could start with Ian and that made me excited and hopeful. I’ve been with Ian for 6 years now. I definitely don’t regret quitting the restaurant. I have a job I love that challenges me and is not in the restaurant industry.

Well, last night my boyfriend went to work and then he started texting me that the manager (who he was also in a band with and who he’s been friends with for over 20 years) told him that Joe smashed the Buddha statue at work and broke its finger off and lost it and quit the restaurant. Joe’s worked there for 17 years. Most people there have worked there for at least 10 years. People tend to stick around because there is a sense of community there that can be hard to find in Vancouver. But communities often have costs that come with being a part of the group.

By the time I picked my boyfriend up after work last night, he said that Joe had called him and was texting him. They’re not friends, but they have known each other for a long time. Joe was looking for some support.

We almost never hang out with Joe, but we invited him over since he lives a couple blocks away. Joe basically he said he reached his limit with another co-worker who likes to stir-up shit and he had to draw a line in the sand. He said he’s been working graves for this restaurant for 17 years and enough is enough, he can’t take it anymore.

This all led to Joe eventually apologizing for the circumstances surrounding how I quit the restaurant. He said sorry, which I’d never heard him say before. I also got an answer to a question I had always wondered about. The day I quit the restaurant 6 years ago, I went out to a bar that Ian and another co-worker (who Ian was fucking) were hanging out at. I had a crush on Ian but since he was hooking up with our co-worker, I didn’t know if anything would come of my crush and I didn’t think it was reciprocated.

I was sitting in the bar when Ian came down and sat beside me and said that the manager had called Ian to ask about me quitting. This made no sense since Ian wasn’t involved in the conflict between Joe and I. Apparently Joe told the manager to call Ian to find out why I quit. I was angry that Joe did this but also surprised. All of my feelings for Joe hadn’t been shared with anyone else. Joe had hit on me, but he was hitting on lots of people at that time–as he had just been brutally dumped by his girlfriend of 7 years. I was looking for someone that wanted to seriously date me. I didn’t want another Joe-like situation so I didn’t give in at that point to Ian’s advances.

Therefore, I was like, why the hell is Joe telling the manager to call Ian? What does Ian have to do with my quitting? Yes, in my mind part of what helped me quit was the hope something could happen with Ian (and I didn’t want to hook-up with a co-worker again), but how would Joe know that? I held on to that question for 6 years.

Finally, last night I asked Joe if he remembered telling the manager to call Ian after I quit 6 years ago. I explained I’d never hooked up with Ian at that point so what made Joe tell the manager to call Ian. Joe said that his dick is 4 inches but Ian’s is 5. Ian’s is bigger than 5. Ian is well-endowed but I’m not sure how Joe knows that. Anyways, to me this was Joe’s way of saying that he psychically or perceptively knew I was into Ian more than him when I quit. That’s kind of what I thought all along.

Last night was cathartic, because I apologized for being emotionally abusive. Joe apologized for doing things like taking a call from another fuck-buddy while in bed with me. That situation did really hurt me. I had to convince and beg him not to leave me and go pick up this other girl (who was supposedly walking the street in a short skirt drunk at dawn). My self-esteem was so low back then. I’m still not nearly as confident as I want to be, but observing Joe last night with his red-wine stained lips, greasy hair and bad B.O. reminded me of how far I’ve come. I didn’t feel attracted to Joe. I felt bad for him and like he hasn’t changed one bit. His rage issues are still running his life. It sounded more like he’s been fired from the restaurant than his initial claim that he quit. The apology helped though. It really did. Also, it made me love Ian more for helping Joe out in a time of need by letting him have us to talk to and for helping me let go of some past shit.

Too bad it wasn’t filmed, because it would have been quite entertaining I think!

Teddi Reminds Me To Stop Saying I Never Lie

I am someone that really prides myself on being honest. But Teddi having to own up to initially taking part in the Puppygate scandal on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills on season 9 reminds me that I should stop saying I never lie.

Teddi looks almost as bad as Lisa Vanderpump for being unwilling to admit from the start what her role was in trying to make Dorit look bad for giving a puppy from Vanderpump Dogs to a woman who then took it to a shelter as opposed to returning it to LVP.

Lisa won’t take accountability AT ALL so that makes her look like a huge asshole who is also a liar. Teddi went out of her way multiple times to claim she was innocent in the matter before Teddi finally admits she was initially up for trying to make Dorit look bad for giving the dog away.

mar 27 19 rhobh teddi and john mellencamp.jpg

I think it’s good Teddi realized this is some dirty shit she ultimately didn’t want to be a part of, but she shouldn’t have acted so high and mighty by saying she’s never lied in her entire life.

I think it’s safe to say that everybody has lied at some point in their lives. That doesn’t mean people have cheated and hid it or did some other big, huge deceitful thing, but I still think it’s better to say I work really hard to be honest and rarely lie. Teddi seemed so convincing in terms of how much she believed she what was saying about never lying that it makes me feel like Teddi isn’t nearly as accountable as she says she is. It makes me think Teddi thinks she’s better than other people! Nobody’s perfect, Teddi. This could negatively affect her business too since Teddi is all about promoting and profiting off of accountability.

I also can’t stand how Teddi keeps saying she hid how much of a role she started off playing in Puppygate to protect Dorit. Yeah right! I think it was Teddi trying to protect herself. I think Teddi also is now trying to build a real relationship with Dorit, but more than anything Teddi didn’t want to reveal how bitchy and shady she was being early on.

OJ’s Gettin’ Out

After serving 9 years of a possible 33 year sentence for armed robbery, Orenthal James Simpson has been granted parole.

This is interesting and frightening, because while there is always the possibility of human error and fallibility, based on all of the evidence that I have consumed in regards to OJ, I do believe that he murdered Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman 20 plus years ago.

Even though OJ will not openly admit this, there was undeniable proof that he physically abused Nicole multiple times during their relationship.

And yet, during the parole board hearing, OJ illustrates that he is still highly delusional by saying, “I always thought I’ve been pretty good with people, and have basically spent a conflict-free life”. Basically, except for a couple of brutal murders, spousal abuse, and the crime he’s just spent 9 years in jail for.

But as we all know, OJ was never criminally convicted for the murders he was tried for, so it is not legally possible to deny him for parole because a judge thinks he killed Brown and Goldman. Nevertheless, it is hard to believe that OJ Simpson is going to be able to survive in society without re-offending, and I think this because he has yet to take accountability for his actions. He could have admitted that while he has had lots of conflicts in his past, he has changed and developed a better way of being. Instead OJ dances around the topic and tries to paint himself as “basically conflict-free” which should have been a red flag: DENIAL.

Maybe OJ has changed. It is in the realm of possibility. Has society’s view of OJ changed? Not really. But if you’ve seen the outstanding documentary series “OJ: Made in America” (I’ve seen all the episodes twice and some portions of them three times) then you’ll know that OJ still has fans out there. Fame is enticing enough for some people to celebrate OJ regardless of his past. Plus there are still underlying (or more likely overt) racial tensions that have always strongly influenced how OJ has been treated by the American public and by the judicial system. What’s going to happen next?

While I don’t respect or admire OJ, there is still something about him that I choose to pay attention to. He is an anomaly to me and I want to know how this story ends, because I think it says a lot more about American culture than it does about the individual OJ. How American culture operates is something worth paying attention to in my opinion.

PS. OJ is now 70.

HOT COUPLE ALERT: Joaquin Phoenix and Rooney Mara More Than a Rumour

I’ve been reading things here and there online, as you may also have been doing, for the last couple of months which suggest that Rooney Mara and Joaquin Phoenix were fucking and potentially super coupled-up on the down-low.

I guess they were because they finally stepped out as a couple at Cannes.

I think they’re both pretty hot! Crazy seeming too which always adds a flavour of excitement to the mix as in, “What’s going to happen with these two?”.

Rooney Mara Joaquin Phoenix same car Cannes

Rooney does appear pretty cold, but she won me over in her roles in Her, Carol, and especially Side Effects. Why didn’t people talk about Side Effects more when it came out? I like how Rooney perfectly embodied a female who is willing to manipulate the qualities about females that have typically been used to oppress women, such as the idea that we’re especially weak and vulnerable, and use it to her own advantage for evil means. I don’t want to give more away, because it will ruin the plot but check out Side Effects if you haven’t seen it. Channing Tatum, Catherine Zeta Jones, and Jude Law round out the cast. Side Effects is also film that takes a glaring look at the pharmaceutical industry. It examines how some mental health professionals take advantage of their power and operate as business people looking to profit from pharmaceutical companies rather than there to help their clients first and think about financial gain second.

Joaquin does do a good job of staying famous and still getting decent enough movies without ever letting the audience know too much about him. I’ve still never seen that documentary called I’m Still Here. I just tried again to find it on Pirate Bay today and there’s no downloads for it…too bad…I do really want to see it, even if it sucks just because of all the hype.

Phoenix made the doc with Casey Affleck (he has 2 kids, Indiana 12 and Atticus (oh wow, what a name) 8, with Phoenix’s sister Summer and they are now divorced), which I feel like is kind of an infamous film now since Affleck was accused of sexual harassment from other women who worked on the set of the documentary. According to IMDB the plot line of the documentary “Documenting Joaquin Phoenix’s transition from the acting world to a career as an aspiring rapper”. Hmm.

Joaquin Rooney cannes audience look

I first developed a big crush on Phoenix when I was a kid and I watched him as a 12 or 13 year-old in the film Parenthood. The film also has a young Keanu Reeves and Martha Plimpton. Anyways, Phoenix was really good and cute in the movie starring Steve Martin. I love him in The Master also, which co-starred Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Amy Adams. It’s supposed to be about L. Ron Hubbard (creator of Scientology if ya didn’t know). Of course, Walk the Line. They’re both actors that don’t seem to be desperately seeking constant attention from the public. That doesn’t mean their egos aren’t huge. I’m just saying because they don’t put it all out there, I am more curious about them, and what their personal lives are like.

Hope they’re having fun and I’m happy to look at pictures of the coupling Marix (it’s probably insulting to give them a couple name, but whatever) until they’re no more, unless of course they last forever.