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RHONY-Should Renew Sonja’s Contract After Lines Like This: “Cause When That Woman(Ramona)’s Gettin’ Banged, She’s Happy!”

Ha! Sonja said this about Ramona this week that when Ramona and Mario (her ex-husband) used to be married, he was banging her every night (or I guess every night when he wasn’t banging someone else, since she acknowledged he was a cheater—totally had that vibe, too). Sonja is in a hot tub in Mexico on this weeks episode of Real Housewives of New York City as she says about Ramona that she’s sad because she’s not getting enough sex.

Sonja displays her clever wit and no shame in the jokes game when she says about Ramona, “’cause when that woman’s getting banged, she’s happy!” Man, Sonja is funny!

Andy Cohen knows that with lines like that Sonja is going to be some dollars sent her way next season too.

SOUTHERN CHARM SAVANNAH RECAP: Nelson Seems Genuine/Ashley Loses My Sympathy (At Least Temporarily)

During the intro recap from the previous weeks episodes, the racial or religious slur Nelson uses (my impression is that it’s against Jewish people) is highlighted, so I’m guessing Nelson apologizing is going to be one of the focuses this week.

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(Movie poster for Woody Allen’s Hannah and Her Sisters)

Hannah and Her Sisters! Ha…I’m 33 and I’ve seen the Woody Allen film. It’s a good one. For all of you out there who are too young to know what I’m talking about, sorry as this reference has likely been lost on you through no fault of your own. Anyways, Hannah’s sisters show up. I see they’re the aggressive hugger type girls. Like if I was in a cafe or restaurant and I see a bubble of females like this I’ll actively avoid them, oftentimes just to decrease the chances of having to listen to a high pitched squeal while avoiding being hit in the head by one of many failing arms that are about to go into a hug. So Hannah’s three sisters are Hillary is the oldest, Hattie is the third sister, and Hyatt is the youngest.

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(Louis)

Louis’ (Hannah’s boyfriend-for those of you who don’t already know) is having his 29th bday this episode. Hannah is both realistic and that irritating desperate to grow up girl when she says Louis wants to be 17. She calls herself a cradle robber. I’m not sure of their age difference, but I think Hannah is saying this more metaphorically, because Louis is too juvenile. He seems like a pretty decent boyfriend to me. Boring, but decent.

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(Throwback pic of Hannah and her sisters)

Hannah and her sisters are shown sitting around bitching about their parents divorce and their dad’s “awful girlfriends when they (Hannah’s parents) first split up”. They make some fun of a girlfriend who OH DEAR GOD! dared to wear a leopard print dress. I am a fan of leopard print. Yes, it is tacky, but tacky can be fun. And Hannah and her sisters seem like Yuppie tightwads to me for the most part.

Hannah then shares with the camera/audience that 2 years after her parents divorce (Hannah’s Dad cheated and it crushed her), Hannah found out Dad getting engaged to someone she hadn’t even met. She was told by someone who was eating at a restaurant she was working at, and she can’t remember actually being told because she thinks she blocked it out. Oh, what trauma you’ve been through poor Hannah!

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(This is Hannah as a kid. Can this version please come out to play again? Diva.)

It would be hard to accept that your parent isn’t who you think they are, but Hannah should consider the signs she missed rather than focusing on her Mom’s story that they were dancing on the back deck a week or so before he left (a story I remember Hannah telling earlier this season) and blaming everything on her dad. Is Hannah’s mom perfect? Based on how uppity she acts towards Louis (that being said I would be pissed about Ashley stripping down to see-through lingerie in front of my boyfriend too), Hannah might be recreating the scenario her parents experienced by trying to keep Louis on too-tight of a leash.

Nelson’s mom, Linda, is a gem. There were multiple times when she is talking to Nelson that appears to be a very patient and kind person, and she seems to understand that people’s criticism of Nelson is not coming out of nowhere. “Oooh chile, this boys been work!” is what I think his mama wants the audience (and people of Savannah) to know.

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(Nelson and his mom Linda)

Nelson and his mother go to a restaurant called Ms. Wilke to eat some Southern food with others. Nelson doesn’t fit in, and so I love him, is what I’m reminded of every time I see him try to be relaxed, or blend in with the other “norms” of Savannah. Nelson is too big for that city! He is waiting to break out. He needs to get any proclivities towards lying out of his system, and learn which words are offensive in 2017 not 1917, but he also is special. I am weird and awkward too, and so Nelson’s need to overanalyze and generally be a hilarious freak make me a fan of his.

After Nelson shares with his mom how the rest of the cast is mad at him, specifically Daniel, for the slur he used, even though Nelson claims he had no idea it was offensive , she tells Nelson that, “We do need to be responsible for what comes out of our mouths”. Educational moment happening right there. These moments may be far and few between on reality TV, but they are there for us to learn from those who do know more than us. Nelson’s mom also tells him of his error, “You have to own that”  and that after he apologizes to Daniel, he should say, “Let’s shake hands please”. This is a wonderful way to apologize. And Linda couldn’t help but include that it’s “not the first time his (Nelson’s) mouth has gotten him in trouble. His Mom’s face when drinking the iced tea gave me some insight into what it would be like to raise a Nelson. Hilarious!

Catherine tells her friend she worked it out with Ashley and that while this is good for the time being, but she’ll see if either mess up. The outlook is kind of bleak on that one.

Louis says, “When I first met Hannah, she was like, I have three sisters…”. This was initially a big deal, but now he’s got all her sisters on his team and it’s great.

Daniel has a crush on Hattie (the only blond of the four sisters). Daniel thinks she has a great ass. They didn’t hook up this episode, but it seems like it is on the horizon.

Louis makes fun of Hannah and calls her a mom to her sisters and they all laugh. So at least myself and Hannah’s boyfriend and sisters are all on the same page.

Catherine and what-his-face, oh yeah, Lyle, go on a date. Mini golf. Wow the non-existent passion is so not intense. Catherine recoils at Lyle’s touch. She is never going to be IN LOVE with Lyle (yes, this is just my OPINION).

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(Catherine and T-Rav: Southern Charmers)

He says it takes a lot of self confidence to be with Catherine. She has always been flirty according to Lyle. About Catherine’s flirting, Lyle says, “It is the most innocent. I know who she loves. I know where she’s coming at night”. I don’t know about that, but if Lyle is confidence in his position they will probably be happy for a long time. Usually, when I’ve seen and known super flirty it rarely stops at flirting alone, especially when alcohol is a part of the picture.

Hannah and her sisters set up for Louis’s birthday party. An oyster roast is happening because it’s Louis’ favourite thing. FYI: Catherine, who goes out boating with Daniel before the party, has more chemistry with Daniel than with Lyle.

Ashley shows up to Louis’ 29th with her tits out (yes!!!) and a hot purple dress on. Sadly, Dennis, Ashley’s husband and their son Isaac aren’t in this episode–tragic). Nelson shows up too.

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(Happy…right?)

Ewww…Flashback to Happy at Catherine’s dinner party, “How long does it take to get there?”. I agree with the point Happy is making, but EWW her voice is so stuck-up and annoying. She’s annoyed me since the first second I heard her speak in the first episode. But, considering the family and belief systems she’s been raised with, I do respect her decision to go against her family’s racist views and marry a Muslim person.

Bad oysters. Yuck. Finally Catherine and Daniel arrive to the party. I love Catherine’s move to pull off her rain pants and reveal a dress. That is totally something I’d do. Catherine is blah to me for the most part, but she entertained me, for a second, there.

These people’s version of a wild party is shotgunning beer. Hmm. Pretty tame, I’d say.

“I’ll think about it in, like, a couple drinks…” Happy is a bitch through and through.

Ashley goes to put on her bathing suit. I wanna see! Her body is banging. Sidenote: how does Ashley maintain her body? It probably requires work or very little food to look that good.

Nelson is feeling ostracized and his mouth tastes like some weird chemical name “paint”. Nelson is so funny with the out-of-left-field things he says. Spinoff idea: Ashley and Nelson Do Europe. Nelson’s style is not always as advanced as I imagine it to be. The washed out jeans with a belt and light blue polo shirt are outdated. Nelson goes and grabs Daniel to start the apology train.

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(Nelson and OG Southern Charmer Kathryn…fun peeps)

Nelson: “Thank-you for telling me that-the word that you told me about- was actually an offensive word because I did not know that when I said that. Please forgive me”. Good so far. Daniel then says, “I appreciate your apology now that you know the definition of the word”. Nelson is 32. I like that I’m only a year older than him. I wish we could be friends. I’d be we’d share some laughs.

Nelson is either a really good liar or very sincere (I feel like someone on the show said almost the same thing about Nelson this episode or last, too), because I totally bought his apology.

Catherine is very privileged and states, “I have learned to appreciate the old Savannah traditions”. She also says, “You never want to be excluded from something because you didn’t know how”.

Yeah, but most people don’t know how not because they’re unwilling to try but because they can’t afford what it costs to test out new activities and sports. Catherine, you might like to grab the bull by the horns, but those horns are so readily available to grab because of the history of slavery you are ok with your family and yourself continuing to profit from. Therefore, it annoys me that Catherine is talking like this to hype herself up as adventurous and willing to learn new things when her privilege is so wrapped-up in how she expresses these aspects of her personality.

Big Cat and Catherine arrive at this dressy event (all female bridge tournament) with lots of white women. Scenes like this make me scared and panicky when I imagine being put in this scenario. Thankfully, I don’t have to take part in scenarios like these really since my life ain’t about that, so I can just enjoy it from the outside in.

Ashley, the “harlot” in terms of her character type on the show and her portrayal, shows up to play bridge with the other women.

Ashley starts winning the game. Ashley asks Hannah to come out in the courtyard with her. What Ashley brings up came out of nowhere for me. If you don’t already know, last week Hannah met with a dressmaker to start working on her own line.

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(l to r: Ashley, Happy, Catherine, and Hannah during brighter times)

Ashley says, “The number one rule in business is you don’t step on people’s toes. She mentions to me about your dress line, I’m like, are you kidding me? I feed my child by doing fashion design and for you to go to someone else and not to me. It’s just one more thing to make me feel like I have the plague.” That is taking things way too personally Ashley. Hannah brought up how she felt to Ashley. Ashley played 100% victim card, and didn’t appear to listen to where Hannah was coming from.

Hannah looked bad during the one scene, but now Ashley looks like the fool here who is pushing way too hard to have a reason to hate-on Hannah.

To Ashley’s questioning of why Hannah didn’t go to fashionista Ashley, Hannah replies, “First of all, why do I need to tell you?”.

Ashley says, “It’s just common courtesy to mention it. Like that’s a big deal”.

As Happy eavesdrops on Hannah and Ashley’s convo, Happy says, “like my blood is boiling”. Yeah, because you’re a cunty bitch Happy.

Ashley adds this hilarious line when speaking about working for Delta airlines for 5 hours twice a week, “Sometimes I’ve even cleaned the toilet, but that has nothing to do with my styling career”. Touche!

Hannah kinds of shuts Ashley down by pointing out Hannah works for a trucking company and doesn’t think she is superior to Ashley.

“You’re about to have a rude awakening you know,” Ashley threatens Hannah.

“You sound super supportive right now. Thank-you,” is Hannah’s comeback to Ashley.

“You’re not going to talk over me, Ashley…I’m not afraid of you.” Hannah is about to start a Royal Rumble.

“I’m out. I’m going inside.” Ashley leaves…but then come back. They are going to work this out once and for all tonight (suuuuurreee they are). Both women agree to stop bitching about the other to other people. We’ll see if this happens.

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(Ashley is a very beautiful woman)

Hannah goes in and bitches to Catherine. Ashley smokes outside kind of being painted in a Cruella Devil-ian light.

 

 

SOUTHERN CHARM: Brought Tears To My Eyes For The Firt Time EVA!

I thought it was hilarious when Craig said to his cat, Gizmo, “That’s your version of popping bottles, right?”, as he feeds him some treats.

Craig is so good looking but also weirdly geeky. I’m a huge geek, so I like him so much because he seems quite the opposite of cool and smooth. Sweet guy!

Craig is really happy this episode because he finally graduates law school due to finishing his last writing requirement. When he is at dinner with Naomie and he tells her of this positive outcome, she says, “I feel like it’s a bigger weight off of my chest, than it is yours.” You could tell that this hurt Craig and it seemed like he was feeling like he can do nothing right in Naomie’s eyes.

Naomie then went on to say to Craig, “If I hadn’t seen a huge improvement, we probably wouldn’t still be dating”. Ouch! Craig looks disappointed during the dinner and the tension is so extreme. She totally shits on him, but I can see where she is coming from in doing that. Craig did seem like he was being lazy.

Then there’s Thomas and Landon’s date. Prior to the date when describing the possibility of a serious relationship with Thomas if she pursues it that, “I would probably have a ring pretty quickly and all the horses I ever wanted.” A girl can never have too many horses, can they? Landon has likeable things about her, but I do feel like she prioritizes money over someone who challenges her in pursuing this relationship with Thomas. I actually think Landon may be more intelligent than Thomas. I know that’s mean, but it’s kind of what I believe.

Child custody you have to prove that you can do it. As in you mean have a nanny there 24/7 even while filming scenes for the show. Oh yeah, it’s so hard on Thomas.

Landon tells Thomas on their date about how Whitney’s mom Patricia invited Landon over to suggest that “I should consider you as a suitor”.

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(Landon and Thomas)

We would be perfect together if he was 20 years younger and didn’t have a baby mama

“Go fuck thyself!” is Thomas’ perspective on people who want to judge him.

“You two get it done…This little girl is your soulmate.” This is what is said when their dinner is interrupted by some random crazy drunk lady at the restaurant their date is at. Ok, well if some out-of-it woman tells you you’re soulmates, why question it?

“It’s Southern is what it is…” Shep about Cameran being polite to Kathryn.

You could tell Cameran kind of realized she totally did isolate Kathryn and treated her poorly, much worse than Thomas even though he’s 30 years older and should know SOOOO much better than Kathryn…double standards against women, because she teared up while telling Kathryn that her and Whitney are there to support her.

I hope they can have some fun scenes as the season goes on, rather than just making Kathryn that sober downer loser all the time. That kind of depiction is part of what makes it so hard to be sober, I think, but yet maybe it’s just a realistic depiction of how sober people are not able to easily be the life of parties. I haven’t drank alcohol for over 8 years, so I’m sensitive to this topic and interested in it.

Austen describes “Chelsea as very guarded”. “The girl’s been engaged twice. Every relationship she’s ever been in she’s getting screwed over by guys.” Austen about his sometime paramour, Chelsea. Is it over?

Shep Cameran Austen southern charm

(Shep, Cameran, who is currently pregnant IRL, and Austen)

Shep (Chelsea’s past hook-up. Seems like he still has a crush) shows up where Chelsea works to get her to cut his hair.

“Chelsea’s a grown girl.” Austen about Chelsea

“The kid playing in the sandbox that doesn’t want to play with a toy.”

Craig’s theory while on the green with Austen about Shep, “He’s actually deeply insecure. He’s jealous we’re able to have confidence to go out and take a chance on someone.”

Yeah, I like Shep, but I do think he is deeply insecure. He hasn’t proven himself to himself or anyone else, and there is no way around inaction. But you can use each day to do actions you haven’t done before, which leads to change. So Shep is very far from a lost cause if there even is such a thing.

Deidre Thomas’s nanny for his kids Saint and Kenzie is who I want to see interviewed! What is her life really like. If Thomas can’t even fake taking care of his own two kids for the cameras, then he probably needs her and another nanny to make sure his kids are covered with extra support 24/7.

I bet she gets paid alot (she better) and she deserves every penny since she’s the one raising his kids right now.

“If they pull it out. I ain’t coming.

Whitney

“My eggs are drying up..” is the wonderful line Landon uses as a starting off point for breaking up with her much younger, not serious boyfriend.

I just want someone who will walk the dog with me.” “and buy me as many horses as I want” (that’s the part Landon said in her head).

Kathryn “From that to where I am now is just the polar opposite.

Thomas’s best friend JD’s wife Elizabeth. Elizabeth brings Thomas’ letter to Kathryn.

Finally, A Story That Made Me Happy: Southern Charm’s Craig Conover Finally Passed Bar Exam

I saw this People magazine story yesterday and I realized that discipline and perseverance in the face of adversity persist after all when I found out Southern Charm’s (one of my top, if not THE top reality show, show I’m watching–in my opinion) Craig Conover finally passed the bar exam.

He was publicly shamed at the end of the last season (the 3rd) when he was pushed to reveal on the reunion that he can’t write the bar exam because he failed to finish law school. His final term paper was never turned in.

The rest of the cast appeared shocked to learn that Craig had been lying to them for 3 seasons. I’m not sure how many actual years that is, but probably at least 2, since season 1.

Anyways, though Craig is a bit of a tool sometimes, he does have a certain sweetness and he seems very focused on doing the right thing, even if it’s undeniable that he often doesn’t DO THE RIGHT THING (haven’t seen that movie in a while-may be revisiting it soon).

Conover’s best moment this season (4) so far, again in my opinion since I’m the one writing this and there’s no statistical way found out yet to determine whether or not this is more than an opinion and truly accurate) is when after a polo match, his co-star and apparent friend Thomas Ravenel is sitting with some other cast members as his two children, Kenzie and Saint, (who he fathered as a 50 plus lifelong bachelor with the now 24 year-old Kathryn Dennis and who he has full custody of) are pushed on a stroller by their nanny behind them. 3 year-old Kenzie is yelling out, “Daddy! Daddy!” but he ignores her and continues talking to the people around them.

Craig takes issue with this (it felt super weird to me too…just say hi to your daughter since she is clearly happy to see you) and told Thomas in Craig’s very nasally voice to go say hi to his daughter. Thomas kind of tells Craig to fuck off and Craig walks away pissed. This moment is where Craig’s midwestern sensibility really shines through.

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Congrats to Craig and his girlfriend Naomie Olindo who seemed about ready to dump him if he didn’t get it together and finally do something with his life (not to say at all that this is something I’ve accomplished myself, but still aiming for it)!