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Hanging Out with My Boyfriend and My Ex

Never thought I’d type that as an article title. Last night I felt like I was living a scene out of a reality TV show.

I’ll provide some background, 7 years ago to the exact day I started working at a restaurant in Vancouver that’s been open for 50 plus years. My first night at work I met a guy who I’ll call Joe. He started openly hitting on me as he does with basically all women that he meets. I remember specifically saying, “We should never been in a room alone together”. I thought he was attractive but I also felt like he seemed like a huge asshole. The prototypical bad boy. It took a few months for me to cave and start hooking up with him. I was so lonely at the time. It’d been a year and a half since I’d hooked up with anyone.

Joe was a player that was even more fucked-up than I imagined. After we hooked up for the first time he invited me over to his place in the morning. Once I arrived, this girl who I thought was his ex was there on his bed (clothed thankfully) and his male friend. They were all high on coke. Joe started rolling around on the bed with his male friend and trying to touch the girl. He then tried to come sit on the couch (aka which was really a backseat from a van) where I was and touch me. I wasn’t feeling it. Since it was early in the morning and they’d been up on coke all night, they passed out shortly after I got there. I made my quiet exit. Clearly that would have been more than enough to make a confident person walk away, but I wasn’t confident at the time. I was pulled in even more. I would make this guy like me.

The hook-ups with Joe continued. I became increasingly obsessed with him while he flaunted having sex with other girls and critiquing every part of my appearance in a negative manner. At work, he would yell at me and treat me like shit. And yet, I kept coming back for me. I wasn’t an innocent in all this. I was emotionally abusive myself. After he’d ditch me to go hang out with another girl I’d text him endless insults and harass him. We were both behaving in psychotic ways.

After months of conflict and continuing to hook-up, we got in an epic fight. Joe threw me down on his bed and put all his weight on top of me, without realizing my left wrist was being bent back. My wrist was sprained. I had never been in a physically abusive relationship before. Yet, this restaurant I was working at represented the first community I felt like I was a part of in Vancouver. I didn’t want to leave this community behind in order to stop being around Joe. Eventually, after a trip to the hospital for a night after a mental breakdown, I stopped all communication with Joe outside of work. Months after I had stopped seeing or texting him he yelled at me in front of the packed restaurant. That was the last shift I worked there. I quit and Joe stayed on.

My current boyfriend, Ian, also works at the same restaurant. I never hooked up with him until I quit working at the restaurant, but part of what helped me quit is that I felt like something could start with Ian and that made me excited and hopeful. I’ve been with Ian for 6 years now. I definitely don’t regret quitting the restaurant. I have a job I love that challenges me and is not in the restaurant industry.

Well, last night my boyfriend went to work and then he started texting me that the manager (who he was also in a band with and who he’s been friends with for over 20 years) told him that Joe smashed the Buddha statue at work and broke its finger off and lost it and quit the restaurant. Joe’s worked there for 17 years. Most people there have worked there for at least 10 years. People tend to stick around because there is a sense of community there that can be hard to find in Vancouver. But communities often have costs that come with being a part of the group.

By the time I picked my boyfriend up after work last night, he said that Joe had called him and was texting him. They’re not friends, but they have known each other for a long time. Joe was looking for some support.

We almost never hang out with Joe, but we invited him over since he lives a couple blocks away. Joe basically he said he reached his limit with another co-worker who likes to stir-up shit and he had to draw a line in the sand. He said he’s been working graves for this restaurant for 17 years and enough is enough, he can’t take it anymore.

This all led to Joe eventually apologizing for the circumstances surrounding how I quit the restaurant. He said sorry, which I’d never heard him say before. I also got an answer to a question I had always wondered about. The day I quit the restaurant 6 years ago, I went out to a bar that Ian and another co-worker (who Ian was fucking) were hanging out at. I had a crush on Ian but since he was hooking up with our co-worker, I didn’t know if anything would come of my crush and I didn’t think it was reciprocated.

I was sitting in the bar when Ian came down and sat beside me and said that the manager had called Ian to ask about me quitting. This made no sense since Ian wasn’t involved in the conflict between Joe and I. Apparently Joe told the manager to call Ian to find out why I quit. I was angry that Joe did this but also surprised. All of my feelings for Joe hadn’t been shared with anyone else. Joe had hit on me, but he was hitting on lots of people at that time–as he had just been brutally dumped by his girlfriend of 7 years. I was looking for someone that wanted to seriously date me. I didn’t want another Joe-like situation so I didn’t give in at that point to Ian’s advances.

Therefore, I was like, why the hell is Joe telling the manager to call Ian? What does Ian have to do with my quitting? Yes, in my mind part of what helped me quit was the hope something could happen with Ian (and I didn’t want to hook-up with a co-worker again), but how would Joe know that? I held on to that question for 6 years.

Finally, last night I asked Joe if he remembered telling the manager to call Ian after I quit 6 years ago. I explained I’d never hooked up with Ian at that point so what made Joe tell the manager to call Ian. Joe said that his dick is 4 inches but Ian’s is 5. Ian’s is bigger than 5. Ian is well-endowed but I’m not sure how Joe knows that. Anyways, to me this was Joe’s way of saying that he psychically or perceptively knew I was into Ian more than him when I quit. That’s kind of what I thought all along.

Last night was cathartic, because I apologized for being emotionally abusive. Joe apologized for doing things like taking a call from another fuck-buddy while in bed with me. That situation did really hurt me. I had to convince and beg him not to leave me and go pick up this other girl (who was supposedly walking the street in a short skirt drunk at dawn). My self-esteem was so low back then. I’m still not nearly as confident as I want to be, but observing Joe last night with his red-wine stained lips, greasy hair and bad B.O. reminded me of how far I’ve come. I didn’t feel attracted to Joe. I felt bad for him and like he hasn’t changed one bit. His rage issues are still running his life. It sounded more like he’s been fired from the restaurant than his initial claim that he quit. The apology helped though. It really did. Also, it made me love Ian more for helping Joe out in a time of need by letting him have us to talk to and for helping me let go of some past shit.

Too bad it wasn’t filmed, because it would have been quite entertaining I think!

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Teddi Reminds Me To Stop Saying I Never Lie

I am someone that really prides myself on being honest. But Teddi having to own up to initially taking part in the Puppygate scandal on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills on season 9 reminds me that I should stop saying I never lie.

Teddi looks almost as bad as Lisa Vanderpump for being unwilling to admit from the start what her role was in trying to make Dorit look bad for giving a puppy from Vanderpump Dogs to a woman who then took it to a shelter as opposed to returning it to LVP.

Lisa won’t take accountability AT ALL so that makes her look like a huge asshole who is also a liar. Teddi went out of her way multiple times to claim she was innocent in the matter before Teddi finally admits she was initially up for trying to make Dorit look bad for giving the dog away.

mar 27 19 rhobh teddi and john mellencamp.jpg

I think it’s good Teddi realized this is some dirty shit she ultimately didn’t want to be a part of, but she shouldn’t have acted so high and mighty by saying she’s never lied in her entire life.

I think it’s safe to say that everybody has lied at some point in their lives. That doesn’t mean people have cheated and hid it or did some other big, huge deceitful thing, but I still think it’s better to say I work really hard to be honest and rarely lie. Teddi seemed so convincing in terms of how much she believed she what was saying about never lying that it makes me feel like Teddi isn’t nearly as accountable as she says she is. It makes me think Teddi thinks she’s better than other people! Nobody’s perfect, Teddi. This could negatively affect her business too since Teddi is all about promoting and profiting off of accountability.

I also can’t stand how Teddi keeps saying she hid how much of a role she started off playing in Puppygate to protect Dorit. Yeah right! I think it was Teddi trying to protect herself. I think Teddi also is now trying to build a real relationship with Dorit, but more than anything Teddi didn’t want to reveal how bitchy and shady she was being early on.

RHONY-Should Renew Sonja’s Contract After Lines Like This: “Cause When That Woman(Ramona)’s Gettin’ Banged, She’s Happy!”

Ha! Sonja said this about Ramona this week that when Ramona and Mario (her ex-husband) used to be married, he was banging her every night (or I guess every night when he wasn’t banging someone else, since she acknowledged he was a cheater—totally had that vibe, too). Sonja is in a hot tub in Mexico on this weeks episode of Real Housewives of New York City as she says about Ramona that she’s sad because she’s not getting enough sex.

Sonja displays her clever wit and no shame in the jokes game when she says about Ramona, “’cause when that woman’s getting banged, she’s happy!” Man, Sonja is funny!

Andy Cohen knows that with lines like that Sonja is going to be some dollars sent her way next season too.

I Still Like Angelina Jolie: Refer Back to GIA If In Doubt

So here’s a link (Angelina Jolie Vanity Fair article) to the first interview Angelina Jolie’s given since her split from Brad Pitt.

Of course she doesn’t give away too much. We knew she wouldn’t. Angelina definitely doesn’t seem like a person who just up and spills the beans.

Anyways, after the final line of the article I was left with the feeling of still liking Angelina, even though we’ve, or really I’ve, had my ups-and-downs in relation to how much I like or love her.

angelina jolie gia ad

(Angelina Jolie in Gia: check this one out, I don’t think you’ll be disappointed)

I fell in love with Angelina Jolie in grade 9 (. I remember renting the HBO movie about the supermodel, Gia Carangi, who was HIV positive. Gia was a wild woman, bi-sexual, an intravenous drug user, and played by the gorgeous Angelina Jolie. Do I think Jolie’s normal? If normal means a version of a person I come across many times over, then no. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anyone quite as beautiful as Jolie in real life. She is a freak of nature and a very good freak at that.

Gia Carangi

(The real life Gia Carangi: captivating)

Plus, I got to see Angelina’s gorgeous body naked, with her boobs smashing up against a fence on a photo shoot set in the film. My Mom, I think because she was a much older married-man’s mistress for all of my post-pubescent years, tried to be overly pious in her views as a way to counterbalance her own less than savoury lifestyle and source of income. Anyways, due to my Mom’s own issues, I wasn’t allowed to really be sexual, look sexy, talk about sex, think of having or enjoying sex, etc., so it was a big guilty pleasure for me to get to see this wild behaviour on screen since my own grade 9 life was boring. Also, I was a bit overweight, not confident in my looks or self, and an outcast in some of my classes who guys definitely avoided and definitely weren’t into, so the life of Gia as played to perfection by Jolie was an ultimate fantasy for me. I wished I could be like Gia/Jolie (minus all of the bad stuff that happened to
Gia/Jolie)!

What affected me the most after seeing my first Angelina Jolie film was that even though I thought at the time she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen, I wanted to hang out with her. I actually felt better about myself while watching her. I felt like if we were hanging she’d be nice to me, get me, and see the beauty in me. Yes, those are big mental leaps to make just from watching her in Gia, but that was what her performance invoked in me. Usually, when I watched people like Gwyneth Paltrow, I didn’t feel good about myself after. I felt like I wasn’t skinny enough, cool enough, and I didn’t think Gwynnie would even notice me if we met.

Angelina just seemed to have a big heart and a love for people. I have no idea why other than maybe I felt that because that is who she is to most people. Unless you cross her. I’m sure she’s done cruel things to Brad Pitt. I’m sure he’s done cruel things to her.

But at the end of the day, as this article reminded me, even though they look so perfect, there is still something about them people love and I think it is a vulnerability.

At the end of the Vanity Fair article, Jolie says, “Let’s embrace not being normal”. This is all I can do, as I’m too damaged and weird to ever be normal again. Anyone who loves to not be normal is someone I want to hang out with.

Angelina maybe you stole someone’s husband, I don’t know and I actually don’t care if you did, I still love you and I’m a fan in 2017 just as I was watching Jolie in Gia in 1999.

Safety for Transgender People Further Threatened Due To Trump

Trump has decided that transgender people will no longer be accepted into the US military (CNN discusses this) and those transgender people who are already serving (thanks to the progress the Obama administration made) will somehow be phased out, as if they’re a trend not humans.

The public reasoning behind Trump’s decision is supposedly to lower health care expenditures and prevent disruption, yet an analysis I read suggests that any money spend on transgender people’s specific health care costs pale in comparison to the overall money spent by the defense fund each year on soldiers’ health care (something like $49 billion compared to 8 million, but I’m not double checking sources here so please do that before believing my memory of a statistic). Shockingly, or not, it seems as if Trump is misrepresenting the reasoning behind his decision. Not like this is out of the ordinary though, as I have a feeling this is going to be his M.O. till the day he dies.

I guess Trump doesn’t give a fuck about whether or not his decision increases the divisiveness between soldiers and civilians. I think it will. And I think it is a false assumption that having trans and cis people working together in the army is disruptive, when in reality the leader of the country saying trans people aren’t accepted in the army is what is likely going to create more disruption than continuing to progress and allow people to identify as they choose to.

Now I think soldiers who are cis who’d be open to socializing and supporting trans military personnel may no longer feel safe doing so in case the cis people also have their jobs get threatened because of some stupid idea that “birds of a feather flock together” and the military brass might start to become paranoid and think a cis person can’t be friends with a trans person. Maybe all of my fears about what Trump’s decision is going to cause within the US military and the US as a whole are exaggerated and totally off base. Maybe they’re not.

Hopefully, there will be enough push back to have this decision reversed. Maybe Trump will be exposed to more ideas that might trigger his brain to stop for a second and consider the possibility that trans people don’t pose any threat to other people. How one wants their body to look, their name to be, their voice to sound, and the decision to claim the identity that one feels is right does not mean there is something devious, sinister, or bad about a person. Lying, stealing, cheating, abusing, murdering, and doing other forms of harm to others and oneself are the types of things (dramatic cough ahem ahem) that should be banned from the army and that should be feared, not being trans. Yes, I am passive-aggressively taking jabs at Trump, because at a bare minimum based on his own words I know that he is okay with using his power to sexually assault women. So yes, I hate Trump plain and simple for this reason alone, because I think he does the things he should fear, not trans people (which is not to say all trans people are perfect, every human is a combination of both good and bad and it’s an ongoing struggle for everybody to be a better person..I am just focusing on Trump’s bad parts because they affect too many people to go uncriticized).

It is so sad and VERY SCARY (I feel scared and I’m not even the one being targeted specifically, but aren’t we all being targeted when society tries to restrict things about your identity that shouldn’t be other people’s business or choice?) that Trump has decided to target trans people not just in the army but everywhere. I am thinking of people who are trans or identify under the LGBTQ umbrella and who live in a small town, who don’t have the money to move to a big, more evolved city space (not that all city spaces are evolved, but some pockets tend to be–again most often for those with $$$), who don’t have the confidence or positive reinforcement yet (for some people sadly this day never comes) to see that being treated poorly for one’s gender identity or sexuality is unacceptable, and who get targeted with threats of violence, experience violence. There are trans people being murdered in the US each year (for example this former soldier was just sentence in the US last week for murdering a transgender woman after the soldier had a sexual encounter with her) for stepping outside of the lines of these rigid, life-threatening gender binaries that people like Trump appear to cling to at any and all costs.

I don’t know how this is going to end. I am so lucky in that my gender identity conforms to gender ideals and I’ve never been targeted in the way trans people continue to be. Just because I’m not targeted doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter to me though. It is not okay for people to be scared to be themselves (unless your true self is, say, a child molester or murderer). Being trans doesn’t hurt other people. Hating trans people does hurt and kill people. Can Trump learn to love and use his power to unite? I don’t know, but let’s not stop trying to get this man and others like him to see the light and realize trans people being who they want to be does not take away from their lives at all. I identify as a cis-gender person and therefore maybe I shouldn’t speak about trans people at all. I hope I didn’t speak for trans people, but in support of those who identify as trans.

#TRANSRIGHTSAREHUMANRIGHTS

Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts Get It

I love that Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts supported their youngest son, Kai, 8 (left in pic, Sasha, 9, is on the right), dressing up as a female character of Harley Quinn from the Suicide Squad, because it shouldn’t matter if a boy dresses up as a girl or vice versa. I’d prefer to look at it as a human or a person dressing up as another person. I’m in support of they pronouns taking over and the undoing of gendered ideologies, and yet I’m not sure how to incorporate this into my daily life and actually be a part of the solution to sexism, homophobia, transphobia, etc.

Ideally, we’d be able to remove these overarching gender binaries that dictate so much of people’s identities and social interactions in our culture. The fact that Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber are using their fame to hopefully help teach people that how a child or adult wants to dress, talk, alter their body, change names, identities, etc. does not reflect on who someone is as a person.

Wouldn’t it be great if how people treat each other and behave was more important than whether or not one conforms to a specific gender role? There is still a lot of work to be done before people, myself included-since I regularly catch myself thinking in gendered terms and re-confirming problematic ideas around gender, so I’m constantly trying to challenge myself to let go of these ideas-are able to look at someone as a person rather than as a man or a woman. I’m straight but I still have a lot of trust issues with men, and I love that I work at a place that is only staffed by women. Nevertheless, I would like to reach a point where I can take each person as an individual, rather than immediately feeling different towards someone because I perceive them to be male and therefore intimidating, not able to understand my perspective, and a potential predator.

I appreciate that Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber are showing that there ain’t nothin’ wrong with letting kids choose how they want to dress up and have fun in the process.

Kai absolutely owned the Harley Quinn look! Go Kai!!

OJ’s Gettin’ Out

After serving 9 years of a possible 33 year sentence for armed robbery, Orenthal James Simpson has been granted parole.

This is interesting and frightening, because while there is always the possibility of human error and fallibility, based on all of the evidence that I have consumed in regards to OJ, I do believe that he murdered Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman 20 plus years ago.

Even though OJ will not openly admit this, there was undeniable proof that he physically abused Nicole multiple times during their relationship.

And yet, during the parole board hearing, OJ illustrates that he is still highly delusional by saying, “I always thought I’ve been pretty good with people, and have basically spent a conflict-free life”. Basically, except for a couple of brutal murders, spousal abuse, and the crime he’s just spent 9 years in jail for.

But as we all know, OJ was never criminally convicted for the murders he was tried for, so it is not legally possible to deny him for parole because a judge thinks he killed Brown and Goldman. Nevertheless, it is hard to believe that OJ Simpson is going to be able to survive in society without re-offending, and I think this because he has yet to take accountability for his actions. He could have admitted that while he has had lots of conflicts in his past, he has changed and developed a better way of being. Instead OJ dances around the topic and tries to paint himself as “basically conflict-free” which should have been a red flag: DENIAL.

Maybe OJ has changed. It is in the realm of possibility. Has society’s view of OJ changed? Not really. But if you’ve seen the outstanding documentary series “OJ: Made in America” (I’ve seen all the episodes twice and some portions of them three times) then you’ll know that OJ still has fans out there. Fame is enticing enough for some people to celebrate OJ regardless of his past. Plus there are still underlying (or more likely overt) racial tensions that have always strongly influenced how OJ has been treated by the American public and by the judicial system. What’s going to happen next?

While I don’t respect or admire OJ, there is still something about him that I choose to pay attention to. He is an anomaly to me and I want to know how this story ends, because I think it says a lot more about American culture than it does about the individual OJ. How American culture operates is something worth paying attention to in my opinion.

PS. OJ is now 70.

This May Be Pathetic, But A SPEIDI Pregnancy Pic Has Brightened My Day!

So since I’m Canadian and we had Canada Day on Saturday, July 1st and the subsequent day off for Monday-Friday peeps Monday, then July 4th in the US on Tuesday, I’m feeling a little down and depressed about how FUCKED UP this world is.

I also watched an HBO documentary, Requiem for the Dead: American Spring 2014, that was fascinating, because it told individual, specific stories rather than simply focusing on overarching statistics (which is a storytelling style I find boring and lacking impact) related to gun violence. Seeing specific stories told over and over again throughout the film against the occasional backdrop of a running tally of how many thousands of people died due to gun violence in the US during the months of March to June 2014 is sickening and I think it hints at how frightening America is. Here’s a link (click here to go to IMDB page for doc) to the IMDB description of the documentary that I strongly recommend. It will take something out of you though (or at least it did that to me), so be ready for it, since it’s not a casual night of after-work viewing. Not relaxing I shall say. I was intrigued, but left with a greater sense of hopelessness.

I needed a pick-me-up this morning. So looking at these very persistent reality TV people, who I’ve been watching since Princes of Malibu (Spencer…still can’t find this show to download and I really wish I could) and The Hills (or maybe even Heidi popped up on Laguna Beach, I feel bad for not knowing, though I shouldn’t) makes me have hope that I can’t always predict the future. I never thought Heidi and Spencer would make it in the long run (at least 10 years now) and not long enough to create a child together.

They’re a bit wacky, but aren’t we all. I guarantee they have many beliefs I find offensive, but yet beneath at all, from watching these people for so long, I can’t help but wish for their happiness and a bright future free from an obsession with very large crystals.

SOUTHERN CHARM SAVANNAH: Ashley Purges In More Ways Than One/Hannah’s Dad Drops A Bomb

We hear Catherine’s voice doing the recap of the episode from last week. I wanna know why is boring Catherine the narrator? Dumb decision.

First off Hannah is packing for the trip to her dad’s place for a tailgate party.

Louis says, “Planning a party with your dad is so easy,” and that you just send people for more alcohol. Hannah gets all uppity about this not surprisingly.

Hannah then tells the camera that, “this is a perfect opportunity for him to show me that he is carrying the weight around here”. Yes, I do have an inkling suspicion that Hannah is subconsciously punishing Louis for her father’s wrongs.

Then it’s on to Nelson picking up Ashley at her place. I’m pretty sure Nelson can be heard screaming, “Go dawgs sick em,”  to cheer on the sports team they’re going to the tailgate party for. Nelson would be so much fun to go to a sports game with. That means a lot since I think sports are one of the most boring things to watch, but Nelson is a hoot! Nelson spinoff anybody? I bet it’s gonna happen with Ashley and Nelson taking on the big city (NYC) or celeb central (LA).

SC SAV nelson ashley river pic

(Nelson and Ashley earlier in the season)

I noticed during Ashley and Nelson’s drive that Nelson is wearing nice sunglasses. This is an improvement from the rest of his fashion (except for his glorious bow ties).

During the car trip, Ashley is bitching to Nelson about how Hannah should have been more considerate about going to a different designer/clothing maker in Charleston, when this is already Ashley’s livelihood. After Ashley says, ‘This is what pays for this car” Nelson’s agreement is given in the form of a very long and hilarious “Hmmmmm”. Nelson’s got some attitude in him and it’s quite entertaining. Yeah, he has been caught lying, but being fun goes a long way as well.

“Obviously I hate the tension with Hannah…If it turns sour, I know I have somewhere to go,” is what Ashley says about the Hannah feud (Ashley has access to her family or friend’s place to stay), since Ashley rightly fears that the power dynamic between her and Hannah could be unequal due to the party being on Hannah’s territory.

Hannah is so annoying! “I’m going to get the breakdown from my dad too about how much you actually did?” Why are you conspiring to get your boyfriend into trouble with your dad, Hannah? Stop caring so much what your damn dad thinks. He’s insensitive clearly.

Hannah says she gets anxiety driving up to beach house and we also find out that this is a 70-person party Louis ordered catering for. “My mom and dad built the house when I was in high school. We’ve had a lot of really fun family memories here, but it’s my dad and Sara’s house now. It’s just different,” Hannah says as she admits she hasn’t quite let go of the past yet.

Hannah says, “My stepmom and I are close in age, but not close”. Ouch! I wish I could know what Sara’s experience of the whole situation is. Hannah seems like a pretty stuck-up bitch at times, so I bet Hannah is hard to deal with. It seemed like Hannah left her stepmom out during one scene by focusing only on the people to her right, including Louis and her dad, rather than open it up for Sara to be a part of it. Sara kind of grabs at Hannah’s beer, and it was a tad awkward.

Then there’s Catherine reading some article about Ashley online. Ashley apparently got into an argument with a neighbour and busted the neighbour’s window. I want to hear more about this situation.

SOUTHERN CHARM SAV lyle catherine all white

(Lyle and Catherine looking virginal and boring as per usual)

Lyle is such that bitch who will never be able to attract an Ashley, so he pretends to crap on her, though he couldn’t handle her if he had the chance to. My analysis is why Lyle says, “She’s (Ashley’s) also an aggressive knocker along with aggressive bullshitter”. Harsh.

Then the ultimate NAGFEST tailgate party of 2017 (maybe 2016 depending on when it was filmed) by bugging Louis about everything in the most irritating way possible: “And it’s off to a rocky start…” is Hannah’s contribution to things early on. If Hannah only knew the reason this episode is so rocky is because her dad got too drunk and spilled the beans in a shocking way. Louis is an angel comparatively speaking.

When Hannah and her dad are talking, Hannah’s dad says, “Maybe i better have a talk with him”. What did Louis do that’s wrong? Their lifestyles must be too different from mine to get how not obsessing over running a party that is supposed to be fun is a bad thing.

Miss Control Freak Hannah says, “Every time i go to take a deep breath and a take a seat back…the ball has been dropped”. This is a party not a life or death surgery woman.

Hannah and her dad start doing it all themselves. 15 minutes later louis shows up on a golf cart

“You left,” Hannah says to Louis. She takes him around the side of the house for privacy in front of the cameras (haha, sure) to ream him out: “You’re hosting a party so stay ut until everything is finished and our guests arrive”. Hannah she is good at talking in a condescending manner. I wouldn’t want her to be my boss, cause I’d want to tell her to go get that fungal parasite removed from her asshole (jokes…don’t think Hannah would ever lower her guard long enough to pick up a fungal parasite, if there is such a thing), cause it’s really affecting her ability to focus on what matters.

“This is such bullshit,” is how Louis responds and I personally think he is right.

Hannah attempts to further degrade her boyfriend by calling him a vagina (not that it’s bad to be a vagina, if you can be a vagina, because vaginas are actually amazing): “You got to get that little tale feather out from underneath that vagina down there”. Nice girlfriend.

Hannah then pulls out another snot move by saying about tin foil top, “It’s just really TPT looking…trailer park trash”. Oh Hannah, aren’t you hilarious for making fun of those who aren’t as swanky as you?

SOUTHERN CHARM SAV catherine happy hannah pouring drinks

(Basic bitches Catherine, Happy, and Hannah)

Then it’s Happy’s turn once again to come in and make Hannah’s voice sound like smooth butter in comparison to Happy’s nasally whine. Happy is talking about Ashley when she says, “I want to pull her aside and have a conversation with her…Every time I turn around she’s like screaming at you”.  This girl Happy seriously irritates the fuck out of me. Catherine then repeats the rumour about Ashley punching out a window to the other girls. I can see where the conflict in this episode is heading: all signs point to Ashley. Bravo, Ashley (pun intended): $$$.

Happy says, “I struggle with feeling sad and then I hear things like this and I think this isn’t sad this is madness”. Okay there. Happy may be willing to be the black sheep of her family in terms of marrying a muslim person (since her mom at least isn’t supportive of her marriage), but she sure is judgmental and stuck-up about other things, so that judgmental trait must run in her family (it runs in my family too…can’t you tell?).

ASHLEY AND NELSON INCOMING: Ashley and Nelson show up to finally spice up the party. “Go dawgs!” Nelson say as he cheers on the team. Nelson is RIDIC. I want to hang out with Nelson so bad.

Ashley has a bandaid on her hand (window smasher!) and Catherine asks what happened. Ashley says, ‘Long story”. Perfect answer as she neither confirms nor denies, which is a great way to drag out the drama.

Happy asks Ashley, “How’s it going?” as the intro to their chat. Happy is constipated sounding. You need that rock solid piece of shit out of your ass, Happy or else you’re going to be stuck sounding like that forever. That was too harsh I know, but she really is the series villain for me.

Happy further chastises Ashley by saying, “It’s really really difficult to do that (support Ashley) when i feel like you’re acting in ways that I don’t understand that seem irrational”. I can see where Happy is coming from somewhat, it’s her delivery that sucks.

Ashley gives it right back, “Like what?”. Followed by, “You guys can’t just let me have a fun event”. Tell it like it is, girl!

Happy makes another annoying yet valid point when she asks Ashley, “Do you not feel like you’re attacking, Hannah?”.

“No one cares if i’m upset. It sucks,” Ashley shares while letting down her guard. It is correct that she’s kind of alone (except for Nelson) in this series.

Then the conversation turns to relationships and how Ashley knows Dennis is sweet, but he’ll never stand up for her and have her back in public.

Happy snaps back at her, “You’ve chosen your situation. if you don’t like it then get out of it”.

“I think that’s a very naive thing for her to say to me,” is how Ashley responds and I think she is correct. I’m unmarried and not a parent, so while I can see Ashley and Dennis’ relationship is unhealthy for Izzy (as Ashley can see too), it doesn’t mean breaking up a family is easy or something someone does rashly.

Ashley further sucks me in to loving her when she admits, “I’ve never made a decision based solely on what I wanted…”. I think there are many women who feel the same way about their lives, even if they won’t admit it on national television.

Ashley continues, “A lot of it is hard for me to deal with…That’s why I get defensive…I can’t survive on a daily basis if I focus on the struggles that I have…”. Amen! That is my life too. Just got to keep on moving, right? I think everyone is there, though levels of struggles are very different for all people.

Happy turns a bitchy-corner and seems like someone I could grow to like when she tell Ashley, “Right now, I feel like I understand where your’e coming from”. Ashley cries and hugs are given all around. Heartwarming stuff, but will it last? We shall see.

Grayson, Louis’ friend, pulls Nelson into the pool with him. Ashley jumps in and everyone else joins the pool part of the party. Grayson seems like he should be on the show too!

Now it’s BOYS ONLY (are we 10? I would not be cool with this if it was my boyfriend unless it was a pre planned boys night out…if I’m a female and I wanna come, I will) are going to the bar. We see shots of party time in da club. Daniel drops it loooowwww.

Then there’s Nelson droppin’ it with his hands. One more reason why I want to go out dancing with Nelson so bad! If you’re ever in Vancouver, Nelson, hit me up and I’ll take you to a fun hip hop club.

“You don’t have to be everything for everybody,” Hannah says to a haaaammmmed Ashley. Hannah is such a lecturer and so bitchy. Ahhh! Ashley starts barfing all over herself.

Now for the most shocking part of the episode with Louis and Hannah’s much talked-about Dad speaks for himself when he should have kept his mouth shut. Alcohol is dangerous people! That’s why I can’t touch it. Truth serum is something you’ve got to watch out for, because alcohol can make a negative spin one’s entire reality. I’m hoping that Hannah’s dad, David, was just in a particularly negative mood that night.

Louis tells Hannah’s dad she is brilliant and basically professes his love for his (Hannah’s dad’s) daughter (Hannah). Hannah’s dad then says, “I can’t tell them (Hannah and her sisters) I was never in love with her (their mom and his ex-wife)” along with “never force anything”. Okay that is a lot to digest for me, and I’m just a viewer. Hannah’s mom doesn’t deserve to be talked about this way. It’s weird, it’s like why’d you stay with a woman you were never in love with? How was she supposed to know that? Did she know that?

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(I bet Hannah started crying when she watched this episode for the first time…I would)

Louis admits, “I’m totally confused. I don’t know why he is saying that to be”. Hannah’s dad is messed up…”I was never in love with her (Hannah’s mom)” is repeated multiple times to Louis while they’re at the bar.

Louis isn’t the same as Hannah’s dad, as Louis maintains, “I love Hannah. She’s my best friend. I don’t take that for granted”. I like Louis.

Nelson and Ashley are driving together. She brings up how Happy and the girls genuinely tried to understand her, and she’s thankful since, “It’s hard to be vulnerable with people when you feel like they don’t really care” Yes, that is so true. I can’t let down my guard if I feel like someone has already judged me.

The next day, Hannah’s dad, David, is on his deck. It’s funny how her dad got the drunkest,  not the wild young partygoers.

Her dad looks guilty on the porch. Hannah is teary eyed while talking about Louis’ supposed faults again to her dad, ‘I really need him (Louis) to just like step it up…I feel like we’re jusr kind of floating out here in this weird space. It’s kind of funny, but sometimes i’m just like come on man”. Again, Hannah is misdirecting her anger. Focus on your fucking douche dad. He is the one who disgraces you and your family by speaking like that.

This episode was nuts…and I’m getting deeper and deeper into these people’s lives as the season goes on. Since I watch reality TV to escape, that is a good thing. This show is shaping up to contend with the original Southern Charm.

SOUTHERN CHARM SAVANNAH RECAP: Nelson Seems Genuine/Ashley Loses My Sympathy (At Least Temporarily)

During the intro recap from the previous weeks episodes, the racial or religious slur Nelson uses (my impression is that it’s against Jewish people) is highlighted, so I’m guessing Nelson apologizing is going to be one of the focuses this week.

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(Movie poster for Woody Allen’s Hannah and Her Sisters)

Hannah and Her Sisters! Ha…I’m 33 and I’ve seen the Woody Allen film. It’s a good one. For all of you out there who are too young to know what I’m talking about, sorry as this reference has likely been lost on you through no fault of your own. Anyways, Hannah’s sisters show up. I see they’re the aggressive hugger type girls. Like if I was in a cafe or restaurant and I see a bubble of females like this I’ll actively avoid them, oftentimes just to decrease the chances of having to listen to a high pitched squeal while avoiding being hit in the head by one of many failing arms that are about to go into a hug. So Hannah’s three sisters are Hillary is the oldest, Hattie is the third sister, and Hyatt is the youngest.

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(Louis)

Louis’ (Hannah’s boyfriend-for those of you who don’t already know) is having his 29th bday this episode. Hannah is both realistic and that irritating desperate to grow up girl when she says Louis wants to be 17. She calls herself a cradle robber. I’m not sure of their age difference, but I think Hannah is saying this more metaphorically, because Louis is too juvenile. He seems like a pretty decent boyfriend to me. Boring, but decent.

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(Throwback pic of Hannah and her sisters)

Hannah and her sisters are shown sitting around bitching about their parents divorce and their dad’s “awful girlfriends when they (Hannah’s parents) first split up”. They make some fun of a girlfriend who OH DEAR GOD! dared to wear a leopard print dress. I am a fan of leopard print. Yes, it is tacky, but tacky can be fun. And Hannah and her sisters seem like Yuppie tightwads to me for the most part.

Hannah then shares with the camera/audience that 2 years after her parents divorce (Hannah’s Dad cheated and it crushed her), Hannah found out Dad getting engaged to someone she hadn’t even met. She was told by someone who was eating at a restaurant she was working at, and she can’t remember actually being told because she thinks she blocked it out. Oh, what trauma you’ve been through poor Hannah!

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(This is Hannah as a kid. Can this version please come out to play again? Diva.)

It would be hard to accept that your parent isn’t who you think they are, but Hannah should consider the signs she missed rather than focusing on her Mom’s story that they were dancing on the back deck a week or so before he left (a story I remember Hannah telling earlier this season) and blaming everything on her dad. Is Hannah’s mom perfect? Based on how uppity she acts towards Louis (that being said I would be pissed about Ashley stripping down to see-through lingerie in front of my boyfriend too), Hannah might be recreating the scenario her parents experienced by trying to keep Louis on too-tight of a leash.

Nelson’s mom, Linda, is a gem. There were multiple times when she is talking to Nelson that appears to be a very patient and kind person, and she seems to understand that people’s criticism of Nelson is not coming out of nowhere. “Oooh chile, this boys been work!” is what I think his mama wants the audience (and people of Savannah) to know.

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(Nelson and his mom Linda)

Nelson and his mother go to a restaurant called Ms. Wilke to eat some Southern food with others. Nelson doesn’t fit in, and so I love him, is what I’m reminded of every time I see him try to be relaxed, or blend in with the other “norms” of Savannah. Nelson is too big for that city! He is waiting to break out. He needs to get any proclivities towards lying out of his system, and learn which words are offensive in 2017 not 1917, but he also is special. I am weird and awkward too, and so Nelson’s need to overanalyze and generally be a hilarious freak make me a fan of his.

After Nelson shares with his mom how the rest of the cast is mad at him, specifically Daniel, for the slur he used, even though Nelson claims he had no idea it was offensive , she tells Nelson that, “We do need to be responsible for what comes out of our mouths”. Educational moment happening right there. These moments may be far and few between on reality TV, but they are there for us to learn from those who do know more than us. Nelson’s mom also tells him of his error, “You have to own that”  and that after he apologizes to Daniel, he should say, “Let’s shake hands please”. This is a wonderful way to apologize. And Linda couldn’t help but include that it’s “not the first time his (Nelson’s) mouth has gotten him in trouble. His Mom’s face when drinking the iced tea gave me some insight into what it would be like to raise a Nelson. Hilarious!

Catherine tells her friend she worked it out with Ashley and that while this is good for the time being, but she’ll see if either mess up. The outlook is kind of bleak on that one.

Louis says, “When I first met Hannah, she was like, I have three sisters…”. This was initially a big deal, but now he’s got all her sisters on his team and it’s great.

Daniel has a crush on Hattie (the only blond of the four sisters). Daniel thinks she has a great ass. They didn’t hook up this episode, but it seems like it is on the horizon.

Louis makes fun of Hannah and calls her a mom to her sisters and they all laugh. So at least myself and Hannah’s boyfriend and sisters are all on the same page.

Catherine and what-his-face, oh yeah, Lyle, go on a date. Mini golf. Wow the non-existent passion is so not intense. Catherine recoils at Lyle’s touch. She is never going to be IN LOVE with Lyle (yes, this is just my OPINION).

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(Catherine and T-Rav: Southern Charmers)

He says it takes a lot of self confidence to be with Catherine. She has always been flirty according to Lyle. About Catherine’s flirting, Lyle says, “It is the most innocent. I know who she loves. I know where she’s coming at night”. I don’t know about that, but if Lyle is confidence in his position they will probably be happy for a long time. Usually, when I’ve seen and known super flirty it rarely stops at flirting alone, especially when alcohol is a part of the picture.

Hannah and her sisters set up for Louis’s birthday party. An oyster roast is happening because it’s Louis’ favourite thing. FYI: Catherine, who goes out boating with Daniel before the party, has more chemistry with Daniel than with Lyle.

Ashley shows up to Louis’ 29th with her tits out (yes!!!) and a hot purple dress on. Sadly, Dennis, Ashley’s husband and their son Isaac aren’t in this episode–tragic). Nelson shows up too.

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(Happy…right?)

Ewww…Flashback to Happy at Catherine’s dinner party, “How long does it take to get there?”. I agree with the point Happy is making, but EWW her voice is so stuck-up and annoying. She’s annoyed me since the first second I heard her speak in the first episode. But, considering the family and belief systems she’s been raised with, I do respect her decision to go against her family’s racist views and marry a Muslim person.

Bad oysters. Yuck. Finally Catherine and Daniel arrive to the party. I love Catherine’s move to pull off her rain pants and reveal a dress. That is totally something I’d do. Catherine is blah to me for the most part, but she entertained me, for a second, there.

These people’s version of a wild party is shotgunning beer. Hmm. Pretty tame, I’d say.

“I’ll think about it in, like, a couple drinks…” Happy is a bitch through and through.

Ashley goes to put on her bathing suit. I wanna see! Her body is banging. Sidenote: how does Ashley maintain her body? It probably requires work or very little food to look that good.

Nelson is feeling ostracized and his mouth tastes like some weird chemical name “paint”. Nelson is so funny with the out-of-left-field things he says. Spinoff idea: Ashley and Nelson Do Europe. Nelson’s style is not always as advanced as I imagine it to be. The washed out jeans with a belt and light blue polo shirt are outdated. Nelson goes and grabs Daniel to start the apology train.

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(Nelson and OG Southern Charmer Kathryn…fun peeps)

Nelson: “Thank-you for telling me that-the word that you told me about- was actually an offensive word because I did not know that when I said that. Please forgive me”. Good so far. Daniel then says, “I appreciate your apology now that you know the definition of the word”. Nelson is 32. I like that I’m only a year older than him. I wish we could be friends. I’d be we’d share some laughs.

Nelson is either a really good liar or very sincere (I feel like someone on the show said almost the same thing about Nelson this episode or last, too), because I totally bought his apology.

Catherine is very privileged and states, “I have learned to appreciate the old Savannah traditions”. She also says, “You never want to be excluded from something because you didn’t know how”.

Yeah, but most people don’t know how not because they’re unwilling to try but because they can’t afford what it costs to test out new activities and sports. Catherine, you might like to grab the bull by the horns, but those horns are so readily available to grab because of the history of slavery you are ok with your family and yourself continuing to profit from. Therefore, it annoys me that Catherine is talking like this to hype herself up as adventurous and willing to learn new things when her privilege is so wrapped-up in how she expresses these aspects of her personality.

Big Cat and Catherine arrive at this dressy event (all female bridge tournament) with lots of white women. Scenes like this make me scared and panicky when I imagine being put in this scenario. Thankfully, I don’t have to take part in scenarios like these really since my life ain’t about that, so I can just enjoy it from the outside in.

Ashley, the “harlot” in terms of her character type on the show and her portrayal, shows up to play bridge with the other women.

Ashley starts winning the game. Ashley asks Hannah to come out in the courtyard with her. What Ashley brings up came out of nowhere for me. If you don’t already know, last week Hannah met with a dressmaker to start working on her own line.

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(l to r: Ashley, Happy, Catherine, and Hannah during brighter times)

Ashley says, “The number one rule in business is you don’t step on people’s toes. She mentions to me about your dress line, I’m like, are you kidding me? I feed my child by doing fashion design and for you to go to someone else and not to me. It’s just one more thing to make me feel like I have the plague.” That is taking things way too personally Ashley. Hannah brought up how she felt to Ashley. Ashley played 100% victim card, and didn’t appear to listen to where Hannah was coming from.

Hannah looked bad during the one scene, but now Ashley looks like the fool here who is pushing way too hard to have a reason to hate-on Hannah.

To Ashley’s questioning of why Hannah didn’t go to fashionista Ashley, Hannah replies, “First of all, why do I need to tell you?”.

Ashley says, “It’s just common courtesy to mention it. Like that’s a big deal”.

As Happy eavesdrops on Hannah and Ashley’s convo, Happy says, “like my blood is boiling”. Yeah, because you’re a cunty bitch Happy.

Ashley adds this hilarious line when speaking about working for Delta airlines for 5 hours twice a week, “Sometimes I’ve even cleaned the toilet, but that has nothing to do with my styling career”. Touche!

Hannah kinds of shuts Ashley down by pointing out Hannah works for a trucking company and doesn’t think she is superior to Ashley.

“You’re about to have a rude awakening you know,” Ashley threatens Hannah.

“You sound super supportive right now. Thank-you,” is Hannah’s comeback to Ashley.

“You’re not going to talk over me, Ashley…I’m not afraid of you.” Hannah is about to start a Royal Rumble.

“I’m out. I’m going inside.” Ashley leaves…but then come back. They are going to work this out once and for all tonight (suuuuurreee they are). Both women agree to stop bitching about the other to other people. We’ll see if this happens.

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(Ashley is a very beautiful woman)

Hannah goes in and bitches to Catherine. Ashley smokes outside kind of being painted in a Cruella Devil-ian light.